Monday, March 16, 2009

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

Robert Pattinson Can't Get Laid In NYC Top
Gatecrasher says that while getting boozy at the Rose Bar in NYC, the Unicorn Prince of the Magical Forest was heard telling a friend, "I can't get laid in NYC." His friend shot back, "A blind person with a British accent could get tail." I don't know what NYC Robert is talking about, but this place is home to some of the greatest sluts the universe has ever seen. I mean, my no-no doesn't drop glitter bombs over Robert, but I'd jump on that shit so fast just so I could run up to some random tween and shout, "I fucked your fake sparkly boyfriend and he loooooved it ." But seriously, I'm thinking Robert got laid and he didn't even know it. He probably had himself a damn orgy while walking from the car to the bar. Those crazy fangirls and TwiMoms are slick. They are experts at drive-by-fucking.
 
Would You Hit It? Top
This is some OctoMom shit! Harry Connick Junior Bacon Cheeseburger brought the heat to St. Barts over the weekend and probably made the creatures of the sea bust into a circle jerk over this sheer sexiness.. Yes, I'd hit it... with a colonic. No, I'd hit it for real. Just jump on, push that belly up, give Harry a turkey leg to snack on and watch them chichis jiggle. It would be even better if Harry shouted " your squirrel covers " at least a dozen times. By the way, I hate trunks like this shit. They create too much air bubbles, so you can't see the peen clearly. Or maybe his belly button got hongray and ate it?
 
Heather Mills Continues Her Reign As The Biggest Cunt In The World!!! Top
It's not even noon and the cunt word is already blasting in my head. It's going to be the best day ever. And I have to thank Heather Mills for that, because the cuntiest cunt who ever cunted is back to cunting some more! The Daily Mail says that Heather has bought a sea kitten (fish to those who aren't fluent in crazy Peta talk) restaurant near her kingdom of evil in East Sussex, England. When Peggy Leggy gets done with it, she'll be the only dead fish in the joint since she plans to only serve grass and wet cardboard (aka vegan food). Heather also fired the entire staff. You know that made her stump pucker. Bitch probably turned of all the lights, put a flashlight to her face and declared, " You're all fireeeeeeed" and then laughed haughtily. She was planning to disappear all dramatic-like in a cloud of dry-ice, but her fake leg rotated a bit, so she had to hop away which killed her big exit. Not only did the staff get fucked, but so did the owner. That's what he thinks anyway. Nick Short , the former owner, said Heather has been to the restaurant at least 20 times. She even came with Paul McCartney before he hated her. Heather told Nick to call her if he was ever interested in selling it. When he decided it was time, he rang her up and said he was trying to unload the popular joint for £255,000. Heather agreed. But true to her cunty nature, Heather changed the agreement a few months later. The new price Heather wanted to pay was £140,000. Heather blamed THE ECONOMY. Nick told the Daily Mail , " I'd put off other buyers who were offering the full price thinking I had a deal with Heather. There was nowhere else I could go ." Nick also doesn't think a vegan restaurant is going to swim very far in that neighborhood. Don't tell that to Heather, because if that joint is a success, she plans to open more worldwide. It sounds to me like that Heather's restaurant doesn't have a leg to stand on. I give it two hot seconds. I give it one hot second before the locals unofficially name it Cunty McCunts with the help of a can of spray paint.
 
So That's How She Traps Them Top
Mary-Kate Olsen rolled out from under the bridge and didn't even bother combing out the squirrel's nest on her hair. She must have misplaced her comb made out of children's nails and ferret bones. But I think this evil troll does it on purpose. You see, her hair may look like the inside of a used vacuum bag to us, but to little furry creatures it looks like a comfy place to live. And that's how she gets them! The innocent furries of the forest think they have found utopia when they lay their tired bones on her head, but what they've found is their death place! Bitch clubs them over the head and cackles with glee because she has a new mitten, coat, g-string or nipple cover. Pure evil. Here's the troll saying "pruuuuuuune" at The Metropolitan Opera's 125th Anniversary Gala thing in NYC last night. The nest on her head is also how she trapped her date. That boy child looks like he was raised in the trees and eats mostly bird seed with that itty bitty mouth of his.
 
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For March 13th! Top
This guy also refused to meet Miley Cyrus - Team Valtrex Runners-up: Despite the Halloween mask , everyone could tell it was Madonna by the crotch hair on her chest. - jazzfish_77 This guy has a lot in common with Micheal Jackson, both love 'A-minor' - Provolone You just know his E Harmony profile describes himself as an AI developer who dabbles in music production in his own studio. - suze (Thanks Rebecca)
 
Hot Slut Of The Day! Top
Sebastien Jondeau - Karl Lagerfeld's fan holder, bodyguard and model. Now this is what a bodyguard should look like. Kevin Costner can sit down now. Some say Sebastien is Karl's secret lovah. I don't know about that, but you know Karl makes him fan his face...with his peen.
 
Birthday Sluts Top
Erik Estrada (60) Peaches Geldof (20) Brooke Burns (31) Sienna Guillory (34) Dane Cook (37) Alan Tudyk (38) Lauren Graham (42) Gore Verbinski (45) Patty Griffin (45) Flavor Flav (50) Isabelle Huppert (54) Nancy Wilson (55) Victor Garber (60) David Cronenberg (66) Chuck Woolery (68) Bernardo Bertolucci (69) Jerry Lewis (83)
 

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