The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- QOTD: The Terror Will Never End
- The (Burger) King Is Dead
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 19th!
- Lindsay Lohan Is Suing Pitbull
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
| This A list actor who has been A list since being a teen heartthrob two decades ago, is rumored to own a special property offshore specifically designed to grow weed. ( BuzzFoto ) Leonardo DiCaprio or Johnny Depp ? But I'm going to throw Leo's name into my bong, smoke that shit it up and blow it out as my official guess. No wonder Blake Lively is crawling up his ass hard like he shits out weed flowers. Can you imagine getting stoned with Blake NotSoLively? Blake naturally talks like a stoned blobfish with a mouth full of Novocaine jelly. So when she's stoned for real, it's probably like having a conversation with a half-deflated party balloon whose string is tied to a table fan. Not that I've had a stoned conversation with a half-deflated party balloon whose string was tied to a table fan...or anything. This Twilight actress has not been getting the kind of dollar offers for roles she likes but has found a new way to make money. It seems that wealthy guys are very interested in spending time with her as her vampire character. She is happy to do so and will hang out with you for an entire night for $50K. Seems steep. ( CDAN ) Get that money, RPattz ! Or Ashley Greene ? This reality star turned celebrity turned lead actor in really bad movies should really stop juicing up. Apparently when he made the moves on his much younger co-star (who is an incredible foreign born actress you have never heard of but has terrible taste in guys) he was unable to go from six to midnight. He blamed being tired, but it is because of the roids. They tried again the next day but still nothing. ( CDAN ) Johnny Knoxville or one of those other Jackass dudes? And don't roid heads get huge, hard butt pimples? Maybe she should've humped on that instead. This B- list comedy actress got her fame from late night television but prefers movies. She also prefers to make everyone around her miserable. Right now she is shooting a movie and makes one demand after another to the point where the crew just wants the movie to be over so they never have to see her again. She is the epitome of someone who thinks way more of herself than anyone does of her. ( CDAN ) Kristin Wiig is the only name I've got? Hopefully, she wears her baby hands while she pulls a JLo on hos. | |
| QOTD: The Terror Will Never End | Top |
| Since SATC2: Dry Vaginas in the Desert was such a critically acclaimed masterpiece that won several Oscars and was called a cinematic wonder that film historians will continue to study for centuries to come, Sarah Jessica Parker and Michael Patrick King a re talking about making a third one. And they've already come up with the storyline. There has to be a better way for those whores to stuff more millions of dollars into their feed bags without terrorizing the public's senses, right? I fucking guess not, because SJP said this to Parade Magazine (via HuffPo ) when she was asked if there were any plans for her to pull out her Louis Vuitton whip and beat that dead horse again (insert " horse beating a dead horse" meta joke here): "There is. I know what the story is. It's a small story, but I think it should be told. The question is, what's the right time to tell it?" I've said before that SATC3 should be the pilot episode of the Golden Girls , but I've changed my mind. Those four shaved and embalmed hyenas in $1600 shoes are far from the Golden Girls. SJP ripped out all those characters' hearts and nibbled on their souls, so they're basically just zombies now. Zombies in the City! George Romero should direct that shit. The only story there is to tell is the one where Rojo Caliente acts for the people by locking those three hags (Mrs. Rojo is excused) in a tomb and lets them nag each other's faces off while she sits on a folding chair, slowly eating Red Hots in front of the camera for 120 minutes. SATC3: Rojo's Revolt, that's the only shit I want to see. | |
| The (Burger) King Is Dead | Top |
| Jessica Simpson hasn't been this sad since McDonald's limited her to only 10 Dollar Menu items a day! Burger King is dethroning their creepy royal mascot after he got caught tossing the shredded carrots with his peen at Carl Jr.'s salad bar. No, the Burger King got dropped because he was caught making secret Whopper sauce while peeping through a peep hole in the ladies bathroom. No, no, bitch really got dropped, because Burger King is trying to get all of us to hail guacamole instead. Really. Burger King wants to get healthy starting with the California Whopper (aka a Whopper with guacamole). Their plan is to try to win the "mom crowd." They had this to say about the death of the king to USA Today : "There was a time when price value was king. Now, healthy choice and quality drive the category." If I wanted some healthy stuff, I'd stick my tongue up the Jolly Green Giant's ass. People don't go to Burger King, because they want to eat healthy. They got to Burger King, because they're tanked and/or stoned and need some grease patties down their froats. Guacamole! Please. More like Cacamole. Burger King's guacamole is going to be brown, watery and smelling like dirty ass in August. No thanks. And I'd stay away from porn theaters for a while if I were you. The perverted, creepy Burger King will be filling that time in his hands with his own peen when he faps in the back of a porn theater near you. You've been warned. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
| RiRi's new weave is very Lahoma Vane Lucas as Miss Puerto Rico 1982 - Lainey Gossip "We don't love your snaggle fangs!" - every peen that Kiki Dunst by almost skinned by sucking it - The Superficial Tara Reid goes into the Celebrity Big Brother house, won't remember she's married when she gets out - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather The West Memphis 3 should start a rap group and go on tour with Three 6 Mafia - The Daily What Why did I think this was Tiffany ? - Towleroad Blake Lively's publicist was totally a creative writing major - Celebitchy Either ScarJo's chichis shrunk or she's wearing one of those vacuum-sealed sports bras - Hollywood Tuna How to bathe a hedgehog - The Berry I'd rather see pictures of Ashley Jizzdale going mask shopping, but I guess these will do for now - Popoholic Bravo is washing the Russell Armstrong from the new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - ICYDK Draco Malfoy and Amy Winehouse go for a stroll - Popsugar Selma Blair's baby looks like a baby - Just Jared Vintage Brad Pitt - SOW Rachel Bilson takes the backdoor - Hollywood Rag Lady Caca is now stealing ideas from my shower by wearing that puff on her head - I'm Not Obsessed The one where a toaster takes down a kitty - Cityrag Basement Baby and Baby Juelz must share the same barber - Crunk + Disorderly | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 19th! | Top |
| via Poorly Dressed | |
| Lindsay Lohan Is Suing Pitbull | Top |
| The E*Trade babies should slap themselves in their baby faces for creating a crack monster of delusion who thinks she can spit a stupid lawsuit at anybody who mentions her name. Last year, E*Trade settled with Lindsay Lohan for an "unspecified sum " after she sued them for naming a milkaholic baby " Lindsay ." Then White Oprah humped the L on delusional hard when she threatened to sue Glee for calling her freckled coke bag of a skank daughter " crazy ." And now TMZ reports that Blohan is sinking her greasy troll claws into Pitbull for using her name in his song Give Me Everything. The lyrics goes like this: Hustlers move aside, so I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin' I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan. Blohan has been in jail more times than she's been on a movie set, so that line is the truth. You and I see it, but then again we're not a dumb-brained skeezer who keeps finding ways to sink to a new level of pathetic. (Although, I'm probably in no place to say that since I just ate a raw Top Ramen in one sitting.) Blohan's reason for why she says Pitbull is defaming her good name is going to go down in history as one of the most classic jokes of our time: Lindsay is pissed, claiming in her lawsuit ... "the lyrics, by virtue of its wide appeal, condemnation, excoriation, disparaging or defamatory statements by the defendants about the plaintiff are destined to do irreparable harm to the plaintiff." Lindsay, who claims in the lawsuit she is "a professional actor of good repute and standing in the Screen Actors Guild, is suing under the New York civil rights laws, which protects people from having their name exploited for commercial purposes. Lindsay alleges the appearance of her name in the song "causes [Lindsay] to be associated and identified in connection with defendants." " A professional actor of good repute. " How is this bitch not head writer of The Onion? The only bitch Lindsay Lohan should sue for defaming Lindsay Lohan is Lindsay Lohan (" Can I do that? " - Lindsay Lohan). Bitch is defaming herself. But if acting like a desperate fool is paying her bar tab, then sue on, sue on, I guess. Sooner or later, she's going to run out of hos to sue and she's going to have to suck new age hippie dick under a bridge to get her sea jasper fix like all the other quartz whores out there. | |
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