The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Birthday Sluts
- What In The Hipster Tiger Lily Hell?!
- Crazy Ass Courtney Says Sorry To Frances Bean On Twatter
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- This Fug Ass Dress Will Haunt Us Forever
- Ryan O'Neal Has Prostate Cancer
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Yeah, Jennifer Aniston Is Totally Going To Brangelina's Wedding
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (65) | |
| What In The Hipster Tiger Lily Hell?! | Top |
Zac Efron's former lip gloss holder Vanessa Hudgens is looking more fucked up than usual and that could mean only one thing: It's Coachella time again! Vanessa Hudgens normally looks like the L train gargled up the worst fashions from the 90s before barfing all over her, but when April rolls around she really turns up the WTF. This year, Vanessa went hard and really earned a THIS BITCH badge of honor by trying to offend as many groups of people and pairs of eyeballs as possible. Let's go down the line.... That headdress is offending her Native American ancestors (she's like .5% Native American, okay) and 3rd graders who can make a better one using an old belt, construction paper and pigeon feathers. That Sharpie bindi is offending both cholas and Indians for obvious reasons. That peace sign is offending Chicken Cutlets since that her signature pose. And I don't know if that make-up is offending Native Americans, ThunderCats or caca streaks on chonies? The organizers of Coochella need to be brought up on charges for being an accessory to this dumbassness. Here's a few more pictures from over the weekend of hos doing it right (see: Ian Somerhalder hugging half of his nalgas) and bitches doing it wrong (see: pretty much everyone else). In order: a damn fool, Trouty Mouth with Horsey Mouth's niece, Johnny Hallyday, Jared Leto, Fuggie Fug with Josh Duhamel, a leftover queef bubble from 2002, Katy Perry, Ke$hit and Ian S. | |
| Crazy Ass Courtney Says Sorry To Frances Bean On Twatter | Top |
Since Frances Bean's iPhone has a Crazy Ass Bitch Blocker App and redirects all calls from Courtney Love to the nearest lunatic asylum, Courtney has to use Twitter to throw a sowwy at her own "biological" (copyright: Frances Bean Cobain) daughter. Courtney started this mess last week when she brain queefed up the gross rumor that Dave Grohl took his obsession with Kurt Cobain to SUCIO levels by screwing on Frances Bean. Frances Bean calmly responded by saying that somebody really needs to strap straitjacket gloves on Courtney's hands and keep her away from Twitter. Well, Frances' calm smack down must have temporarily knocked the crazy out of Courtney, because she went on her other Twitter account yesterday to apologize:
Mark yesterday as the first day in modern history that the bat litter box called Courtney's head actually had a moment of clarity. I'd like to think that this will teach Courtney to never believe one of the voices in her head after she snorts a crushed homemade Adderall pill she made using a Lohan family recipe, but it won't. Stay tuned for more fuckery from this crazy bitch. via People | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Geronimo, the Double Dutching dog! If you still feel insecure about how much you sucked at Double Dutch in school, do not watch this video of Geronimo doing it better than you ever could. Just look at Geronimo's ass showing off. Save it for your audition for the remake of Jump In!, Geronimo! (I really hope they do a remake of Jump In! starring Geronimo.) Whatever. Geronimo might be king of the Double Dutch, but I'm sure he can't pull a Dutch Oven better than I can (he can). | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
| Samantha Fox (46) | |
| This Fug Ass Dress Will Haunt Us Forever | Top |
Just like Fishsticks Paltrow, Nicole Kidman, Falcor Rimes and Brooklyn Decker before her, Rumer Willis covered her tater dimples and sprouts with the most overworn dress since the legendary Slut Dress. Now that this shelf paper-looking dress has gone from Nicole Kidman all the way down to never-was Rumer Willis, can we throw it back into the sea where it belongs? No, that would be too easy. It's going to terrorize us for many years to come. It'll go from Rumer's body to the clearance rack at Barney's to Off 5th and eventually it will find itself crumpled up at the bottom of a last call box at TJ Maxx. Then you'll see your co-worker try to rock this shit with Chinese Laundry heels and a clutch from Claire's at the office holiday party in about 4 years. The horror will never end. Tater wore this mess to the premiere of Paul McCartney's video for My Valentine at the Stella McCartney store in West Hollywood last night. Yes, we're having premiere parties for music videos now. If you need help getting lulled into a mid-afternoon coma, watch Paul's video which stars Natalie Portman and And here's a few of the tricks and tramps who came out for that shit last night. In order: Tater Head, Pamela Anderson, Zooey Deschanel (who is still wearing toddler dresses from the 60s), Ginnifer Goodwin, Joan Jett, Miranda Kerr, Paul McCartney with his Nancy Shevell, Stella McCartney, Fishsticks (I am setting my closet on fire and reconsidering my life choices, because I wore the gay ho version of that outfit last night), the always acid trippy Linda Ramone, Gwen Stefani, Kristen Stewart, Reese Witherspoon and Jane Fonda. | |
| Ryan O'Neal Has Prostate Cancer | Top |
Woe is Ryan O'Neal AGAIN and this time it's not his fault. Ryan has had leukemia, been arrested with his son for meth possession, has a fucked up relationship with all of his children and now he's battling stage 4 prostate cancer. Stage 4 cancer sounds like some beyond serious shit, but Ryan tells People that he's undergoing treatment right now and he's not going to take a ride on Farrah Fawcett's angel hair wings anytime soon. According to Ryan, he's going to fully recover. "Recently I was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. Although I was shocked and stunned by the news, I feel fortunate that it was detected early and according to my extraordinary team of doctors the prognosis is positive for a full recovery. Ryan also said that he has a book coming out May 1st. Never mind that the phrases "early detection" and "stage 4 cancer" don't normally go together, this news come just days after Ryan shaded our earth God Oprah by blaming her for the failure of his reality show on her network. And now Ryan has cancer. Oprah, YOU WOULDN'T!? | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Magica De Spell, the stunningly gorgeous sorceress who regularly serves up duck a l'glamour as she tries to steal Scrooge McDuck's Number One Dime. Thanks to DuckTales and Darkwing Duck, Magica is and will always be a money-grubbing icon for our future gold diggers of the world. Magica devotes her entire life to getting her duck hands on McDuck's prized Dime, because it will make her the most powerful, shameless and richest gold digger since Heather Mills. But I don't even know why Magica bothers with that stupid Dime, because she has something Scrooge McDuck will never have: BEAUTY! Over the years, hos have tried to emulate Magica's beauty. Examples: Edgier cholas have tried to replicate her purple black hair color and fine point Sharpie brows. Every time Angelica Huston sashays into her coif shop, she pulls out a picture of Magica and tells them to give her THAT and to get it right this time (they never do). Lana Del Rey fills her lips with pieces of duck cartilage hoping that they'll be as pouty as Magica's. And don't get me started on that trick Jessie J. Bitch has copy + pasted Magica's look from top to bottom. All, except for the cholas, can have a seat since there is only one Magica! | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Sarah Michelle Gellar (35) | |
| Yeah, Jennifer Aniston Is Totally Going To Brangelina's Wedding | Top |
It's been approximately 3 seconds (aka the length of a quick queef) since Brangelina announced that they're getting hitched and the tabloids are already stirring the fuckery by bringing Jennifer Aniston into this shit. If you thought you had a few days of breathing before the tabloids hit their covers with the headline "JEN PLANS TO CRASH BRAD'S WEDDING! VINCE & OWEN WILL HELP!", you were wrong. Hollywood Life (the "f" is silent) says that Jen isn't handling the news by making a noose out of Beanie Babies carcasses, she's happy for Brangelina and she's even thinking about going to the wedding. Okay, who gave Maddox the number to Hollywood Life and who told him it was okay to a prank a bitch? The source said this mess of words: "Jennifer is happy for Brad and Angelina. She is so in love with Justin, that she is really grateful how things turned out. In a strange way if it weren't for Angelina, Jennifer would not have connected with Justin in a romantic way. Jennifer is in a really wonderful place right now. I wouldn't be surprised if she even went to their wedding." If there's a wedding, I'm sure Jen will be invited and I'm sure she'll tackle Maddox as he drops rose petals along the aisle. I wish. The chances of this happening are about as slim as the chances of my fingers turning into tiny peens (I pray every night for this). Jen isn't going to the wedding, but only because she physically can't since she'll be stuck in a sarcophagus of cookie dough. No, I'm sure Jen will do what we're all going to do. Sit back and watch Angie try to snatch a married Brad away from herself. Let's see how good of a homewrecker she truly is. | |
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