Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid


More Of Anne Hathaway As Catwoman Top

Warner Bros. just released this Hi-Res really long (it's seriously the 12-inch-long pencil peen of promo pictures) picture of Anne Hathaway in full Julie Newmar as Catwoman drag and survey says: MEH-ow! Maybe Anne will prove me wrong when The Dark Knight Gets An Erection comes out whenever it comes out, but so far all these pictures have been bleak. I don't see Catwoman at all. I see a sorority sister at a Halloween party throwing her best "get the Q-Tip" look in the kitchen doorway before going to suck on a beer bong. This is like a picture your old high school friend posts on her Facebook page and you try to come up with something nice to say but the only thing you can type out is: Bitch, you TRIED it.

 
Kim Kardashian Is Kanye West's "Beyonce" Top

In the wise words of New York from Flavor of Love: BEEEE-YON-SAAAAAAAAAAY?!!!!!!

Just like the rapture, the unholy K Hell union of Kim Kardashian and Kanye Kardashian née West was a long time coming and Gay Fish has been patiently waiting for his turn at her urinal cakes ass. An inside source (government name: Pimp Mama Kris) tells UsWeekly that is on a Kuntrashian high and thinks that besides being the reigning emperor and empress of the Illuminati, he and Kim can also be the world's newest power couple. Kanye is telling friends that he's the Jay-Z to Kim's Beyonce. Will the Blue Fairy please make an appearance and turn Beyonce's Blue Ivy decoy doll into a real girl so she can slap the shit out for Kanye for thinking this? The source went on to say that Kanye has been chasing Kim for a while and he's hoping their relationship goes all the way:

"It's not a PR stunt. They're perfect for each other. He thinks she's his Beyonce! Now that Kim has gotten over the Kris drama . . . she sees how much Kanye loves her.

Kim and Kanye's relationship is so fake that if you turned it into liquid form and poured it into a syringe, Kim would inject it into her face without asking if it's FDA approved or not. There's really three hos involved in this completely staged relationship: Kim, Kanye and the one they love the most, ATTENTION! I swear, Pimp Mama Kris is an evil genius and will go down in history as Lucifer's greatest creation.

 
The Silver Fox Loses It Over Pussy Willows Top

My full body boner for Anderson Cooper has slowly gone halfway limp ever since I started watching his talk show (see: getting topless for Snooki) and so I haven't been making your eyes roll by foaming at the fingers over him in post after post, but I'm taking a break from my break from the Silver Fox to bring you this clip of his latest giggle meltdown. Since above everything Andy Coo is a serious SERIOUS journalist, he reported on Dyngus Day during his CNN show last night and ho could not keep it together (at the 1:40 mark). It's like somebody was tickling him in the dyngus with a pussy willow. QUICK, somebody tell a CNN intern to steal that chair, because I'm sure Andy left a little unicorn butt nectar on that seat from giggling so damn hard.

And in the great precious-off of April 2012, who wins? A Silver Fox giggling fit or a junkie kitty nom nom nom-ing on catnip?

The answer is: The Silver Fox giggling his silver-leafed ass lips off while watching the junkie kitty get its catnip fix.

(Thanks to Melissa and everybody else who sent this in)

 
Alicia Silverstone Defends That Mouth-To-Mouth Feeding Video Top

An EWWWWWW was heard all around the world a couple of weeks ago when Alicia Silverstone posted a short video on her blog of her doing some Planet Earth shit with her 11-month-old son Bear Blu. Some called her SUCIO and I was more concerned about how our future is becoming lazier and lazier. Children can't even strain their jaws by chewing their own damn food. In the future, robots will suck the caca out of our bodies so we won't have to waste any energy on pushing it out. (Actually, that sounds like a dream. Get on it, NASA!)

Anyway, Cher Horowitz was at a Q&A for her movie Vamps at BAM in Brooklyn over the weekend, and of course someone asked her about pureeing her son's food with her own mouth. Alicia chewed up her response and then spit this into everyone's ears:

"I wasn't saying this was anything somebody should do. I wasn't trying to be independent or cause such a ruckus. I'm very glad that I did it. People have been feeding their kids that way for thousands for years. It's a weaning process. It's just a thing that has been going on for thousands of years and I didn't think I was inventing anything.

Honestly, when I posted the video I was not thinking, so maybe I was like Cher. I think it's adorable and it makes me laugh every time he does it. Every time my husband [Christopher Jarecki] goes to the YMCA, some guy comes over and says, 'That's how we do it in the South.' Between him getting those great comments and me knowing in my gut it's natural and lovely, I really wasn't trying to tell anybody what to do."

This makes me spit up chewed pieces of disappointment. Every time I'm in the South, nobody ever barfs creamed pancake into my mouth. Now I feel like I truly haven't tasted true Southern hospitality.

No, that video isn't adorable to me, but it would be hypocritical of me to be grossed out by this. I mean, I've put grosser things in my mouth and sometimes I had to chew it up myself! (Tip: Always ask your piece if they've just eaten corn before you get into anything. I won't go any further than that, but just make sure you ALWAYS ask.)

via ABC News

 
Betty White Finally Graces Twitter With Her Presence Top

Number five on my bucket list is to type the phrase "Betty White's Twatter" at least once in my life and now I can check that box off, because Betty White has turned the Tweet birds into a choir of angels by officially joining Twitter last night. In just a few hours, our national treasure collected 105,043 followers, which is around 40 less than the notches on Blanche Devereaux's bedpost. Who cares if Betty only joined that shit to pimp her Werther's Originals Fun Time Hour Of Old People Pranks. Who cares if a young ass intern who thinks the Golden Girls was an E! reality show about a spray tan salon in Sherman Oaks is doing the typing for her. Who cares? I'll say the same shit I say when I show up to a Craigslist trick's apartment and quickly realize the picture he sent me was his head on Ryan Gosling's body: I'll take what I can get!

That being said, can Betty White please leave Gaycrest out of this? I just looked at pictures of a shovel-chinned Leno whore in lingerie and my head didn't barf my eyeballs out, so obviously I have a high-tolerance for dark-sided images, but I really didn't need to visualize Betty White and Ryan Gaycrest sharing the same slot. Not today.

 
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 10th! Top

Madonna is being assembled in preparation for her upcoming tour. - JMSTAHL

Runners-up:

You know your plastic surgeon is a quack when he uses rubber chickens for your thigh implants. - Bwhit19964

Warning : Steroids may cause knees to turn into Lindsay Lohan lips. - daisy100

With Lamar now out of work, Khloe starts strengthening her legs to carry the family. - WillDevil

via Break.com

 
Hot Slut Of The Day Top

Thomas Elliot! Don't look at me like I just asked you the middle name of one of your kids. Unlike that question, you know this! You know who Thomas Elliot is. Thomas is like the most famous man....at a mall....in Virginia...for like a couple of hours one day. Yes, THAT Thomas Elliot.

Taking STUNT QUEEN moves to social experimental levels, regular person Thomas Elliot and a few of his friends made a bunch of strangers at a Virginia mall believe that he was a famous movie actor who fought Spider Man in The Hunger Games, or something. One of Thomas' friends tipped the first domino by screaming something like, "OHMYGAW! It's Thomas Elliot! Can I get a pitcher with you?," and it didn't take long before people started asking him for his autograph without even knowing who in the hell he is. ("Lucky bitch." - Mischa Barton while sitting in the food court of a mall hoping that someone just caught a rerun of The OC on SOAPnet)

After a few minutes of this, screaming girls crowded him, a few people Tweeted about it and mall security had to step in. As far as I know, not one person stepped away from the sheep herd to find out this was a prank by simply Googling the name: THOMAS ELLIOT. (Although, I can't really judge these dumbasses. If I was there, I would've figured Thomas Elliot was the dude who invented English muffins.)

And somewhere, Pimp Mama Kris is cackling at this, because her daughter/main ho didn't even have to get off of her back to become world famous.

P.S. - This is also a great way to get laid, and a great way to steal babies.

via Reddit

 
Birthday Sluts Top

Meshach Taylor (65)
Dakota Blue Richards (18)
Lights (25)
Joss Stone (25)
Stephanie Pratt (26)
Kelli Garner (28)
Zöe Lucker (38)
Tricia Helfer (38)
Jennifer Esposito (39)
Johnny Messner (42)
Lisa Stansfield (46)
Vincent Gallo (51)
Bill Irwin (62)
Carl Franklin (63)
Louise Lasser (73)
Joel Grey (80)

 
And Yet, Jessica Simpson Is STILL Pregnant Top

As Jessica Simpson's unborn baby celebrates her 2nd unbirthday with an amniotic fluid pool party, her ex's wife decided that somebody needs to give birth and popped out a boy. Yes, Chace Crawford is a tia now! Tia Chace! Tony Romo and his wife Candice Crawford (who sort of looks like Chace if you squished his face and threw a blond wig on his head) pushed out this statement to UsWeekly:

"Hawkins Crawford Romo is now a part of the Dallas Cowboys family. He came into this world on 4/9/12 at 5:30 p.m., 8 lbs. and 8 oz. All is well with mom."

HAWKINS CRAWFORD ROMO?! Doesn't that just plop off of the tongue like a concrete brick. Try not saying that out loud or a stranger bitch might give you the Heimlich maneuver since it'll sound like you're choking on a chicken bone. Hawkins Crawford Romo does not belong on a birth certificate, but it does belong in bronze letters on the door of a damn law firm in the San Fernando Valley. And I bet their stupid asses are going to call him Hawk. Hawk Romo. You know, they should call him Hawk Romo, because that's actually a good name since it sounds like an amateur gay porn star turned WWE wrestler turned bounty hunter.

 
Evening Crumbs Top

How many calico cats were skinned alive to make Rooney Mara's weave? - Just Jared

Chris Evans is always making furrowy faces like a worried puppy or a constipated puppy....who is also worried - Lainey Gossip

Madge's MDNA breaks a record, just not the record her ass was hoping to break - Towleroad

BREAKING: Beyonce spotted without the color blue on for the first time in weeks! (Unless, she's tricking us all by wearing waterproof blue nipple paint) - Celebitchy

Jessica Simpson made a joke, I think - The Superficial

Ick. Nast. Save it for your escort ad, bitch! - Hollywood Tuna

Things That Shouldn't Exist: Bobbi Kristina's reality show - The Daily What Gossip

And then Halle Berry raged at a seagull and accused it of being a mole hired by Gabriel Aubry - Popoholic

Please tell me Ricki Lake's witness chanted "GO RICKI! GO RICKI! GO! GO! GO RICKI!" as she walked down the aisle - ICYDK

Julia Roberts in a bikini. The end. - Popsugar

And Katherine Heigl added, "I did not feel that Naleigh gave me the material to warrant a Mother of the Year nomination, so I am withdrawing myself from the competition." - IDLYITW

Keep your eyes closed, baby, KEEP THEM CLOSED FOR DEAR LIFE!!!!! - Crunk + Disorderly

One of them is Katy Perry, right? - The Berry

PETA (not the breadmaker) vs. Katniss - Videogum

I almost didn't recognize Alicia Silverstone without her kids' mouth on her face - Hollywood Rag

Does that dog know where that cigar has been? (SPOILER ALERT: Probably in Monica Lewinsky) - Cityrag

Paul McCartney almost joined Heather Mills at the one shoe only store and he has Demi Lovato to thank for that - I'm Not Obsessed

 

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