Monday, April 9, 2012

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid


Another Day, Another Ho Accusing Lindsay Lohan Of Battery Top

For once, the "dumb bitch" tag doesn't only apply to a Lohan in this post.

Some woman filed a police report in West Hollywood over the weekend claiming that she's the latest victim to feel the coke-infused wrath of the freckled terror, because she says Lindsay Lohan went after her at The Standard hotel on Thursday night. The woman says she was talking to one of LiLo's dude friends, and LiLo didn't like it so she started shoving and pushing at her ass. Ho says that she's got bruises on her back to prove she was pushed. When TMZ ran this story yesterday, they asked LiLo's spokeswhore for a comment, and of course he gave them a river of denial that only flows out of White Oprah's ass:

"Lindsay was absolutely not involved in any sort of altercation whatsoever. This is clearly another case of someone looking for money and 15 minutes of fame."

Then LiLo later told TMZ that it was impossible for her to push a trick at a club since she was at home watching episodes of Homeland that night.

There are two sides to every story and LiLo has already snorted both of those sides up, so I don't know who to believe. If security footage came out clearly showing LiLo at The Standard, she'd still say, "It wasn't me! It was Axl Rose! Bitches get us confused a lot!," so you can't trust anything that pours of her mouth. That said, there's a history of hos trying to scam the scammer of all scammers, so this supposed victim could be making it all up hoping to get a check.

If LiLo is lying, then that woman learned the hard way to never mess with one of LiLo's johns unless you're okay with scrubbing out coke residue and fake tan grease from the back of your dress after she pushes you out of the way. If the woman is lying, then I am so mad at her for making me side with a Lohan. (Although, the Lohans do have better party favors on their side.)

 
Anne Hathaway Is Flowbee-ing Her Way To That Oscar Top

If Anne Hathaway doesn't hear her name after the words "...and the Oscar goes to" at the Academy Awards next year, she's going to snatch away fellow nominee (for Nurse 3D, obviously) Spaz de la Huerta's flask, soak the aisles with booze, pull a spark-inducing ginger hair out of seat filler Phoebe Price's head, drop it to the ground and burn that bitch down! Because Anne Hathaway is working hard to get her hands around that gold-plated dildo man and hos better recognize.

Anne is already eating nothing but dry apple seeds and filtered wind to look like a frail, sick, pussy peddler and now she's taken a pair of scissors to her luscious mane of brown locks. Looking about as embarrassed as me when I downloaded One Direction's album on Sunday morning, Anne left The Box (too easy) in London on Sunday morning with her hands covering her new Winona haircut. Anne chopped her hair off, because the character she plays in the Les Miserables movie sells her hair to Mama Tina Knowles to buy medicine or some shit.

Anne did it for a role, so I can't fault her ass for that mess of a haircut. There's short haircuts and then there's haircuts a mom frantically gives her 6-year-old son after he comes home from school with a new case of lice. (Seriously, my little cousin once showed up to a family party with a nearly bald head and was like, "My mom gave me an army cut!" No, bitch, your mom gave you a 'this little brat got lice and I'm too cheap to buy RID' cut.) Anne's haircut falls into the latter category.

When Anne is done with Les Miz, she can easily star in Press Play on iTunes: The Samantha Ronson Story.

 
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER for April 6th! Top

Little Bunny Foo Foo
Hopping through the forest

Picked up by the po-po

Shuffled off to jail. - Skinnymalinky

Runners-up:

Suri backed out of her first modeling job when she found out she could not wear heels. Tommy Girl filled in. - OurMissC

Doug Hutchinson already auditioning the Courtney Stodden replacements. - ChubbyWubby

via College Humor

 
Hot Slut Of The Day! Top

Pauline Francis (as perfectly played by Pamela Dunlap), Henry's Betty-hating not the one mom on Mad Men - Every ho is talking about Don Draper's symbolic after-flu sex moment with Carrie Fairchild from Central Park West on last night's episode, but for me the highlight was Mama Francis!

Mama Francis already deserves Hot Slut accolades for reading Betty like no other last season and last night she got closer to becoming my favorite ho by showing off the two items every white suburban abuelita from the 1960s needs in her babysitting kit: a butcher knife and sleeping pills. Mama Francis, who sort of looks like if Mark Addy played Mrs. Doubtfire, soothed Sally's fears about the nurse-murdering serial killer by pulling out her security weapon of choice, a knife. Then when Sally's annoying ass started whining about not being able to sleep, Mama Francis sedated that girl by giving her half of a sleeping pill. That's is how it's done. That's like the rich version of a switch and whiskey on the tongue.

And why does Betty Draper's house look like the waiting area at the Old Time Spaghetti Factory? I bet her dining room has an iron bed frame as a dinner booth.

 
Birthday Sluts Top

Charlie Hunnam (32)
Elle Fanning (14)
Kristen Stewart (22)
Jesse McCartney (25)
Jazmine Sullivan (25)
Leighton Meester (26)
Jay Baruchel (30)
Albert Hammond, Jr. (32)
Yoanna House (32)
Keisha Knight Pulliam (33)
Rachel Stevens (34)
Gerard Way (35)
Jenna Jameson (38)
Austin Peck (41)
Cynthia Nixon (46)
Paulina Porizkova (47)
Joe Scarborough (49)
Marc Jacobs (49)
Martin Margiela (55)
Dennis Quaid (58)
Michael Learned (73)
Hugh Hefner (86)

 
Happy Easter! Top

What better way is there to enjoy your Easter dinner of a Cadbury Creme Egg Sandwich and a pitcher of Peeps-tinis than with these pictures of the most beautiful princess in the Disney kingdom Zac Efron fapping to a glass of orange juice on the balcony of his hotel in Sydney? (Nothing turns Zac on like a whole lot of Vitamin C.) You know, Zac Efron was always like a sugar-free Twinkie to me and he's never done anything for me, but these pictures might be a game changer. When did Zac Efron drop his bronzer stick and summon the hotness like this?

And for those you screaming at Zac that he's looking like a fool with his pants on the ground and needs to pull that shit over his "made to bottom" ass, he didn't listen to you, but he did something (NSFW-ish) better. Happy resurrection of Jesus, indeed!

 
Too Easy, LeAnn, TOO Easy Top

via Twitter (Thanks, Becca!)

 
Mike Wallace Has Passed Away Top

Andy Rooney's angel wing brows have some company in heaven, because Mike Wallace, one of the original correspondents on 60 Minutes, passed away at Waveny Care Center in Connecticut last night while surrounded by his family. Bob Schieffer said on Face the Nation this morning that Mike died after battling a long illness . Mike was 93.

Mike was with 60 Minutes for nearly 40 years before sort of retiring in 2006. The last interview Mike gave was with Roger Clemens in 2008. Morley Safer remembered Mike Wallace in a piece that went up on CBS' site this morning. Here's a tiny part of it:

For half a century, he took on corrupt politicians, scam artists and bureaucratic bumblers. His visits were preceded by the four dreaded words: Mike Wallace is here.

Wallace took to heart the old reporter's pledge to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. He characterized himself as "nosy and insistent."

So insistent, there were very few 20th century icons who didn't submit to a Mike Wallace interview. He lectured Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia, on corruption. He lectured Yassir Arafat on violence.

He asked the Ayatollah Khoumeini if he were crazy.

He traveled with Martin Luther King (whom Wallace called his hero). He grappled with Louis Farrakhan.

And he interviewed Malcolm X shortly before his assassination.

In other words, Mike Wallace was not the one and here's my favorite evidence of that:

Rest in peace, Mike Wallace.

 
Hot Slut Of The Day! Top

Bunnicula, star of the children's bunnysploitationn book series about a bunny vampire (bunpire?) who turned the worlds of a cat and dog upside-down when their family brought him home one dark, stormy night after finding him in a movie theater playing Dracula. File this under: the weird shit we loved as children....

You really can't graduate from elementary school without one of your teachers telling you about this bitch right here. To make a short story even shorter, Bunnicula was about all the foolery that goes down after the Monroe family brings a red-eyed bunny home. Chester the cat immediately believes that something isn't right about Bunnicula, because he sleeps all day, has fangs and sucks the life out of vegetables ("That sounds familiar..." - Apple and Moses Martin). Chester tries to convince Harold the dog that Bunnicula is out to terrorize the Monroes. I don't remember exactly how it ends, but I'm pretty sure it ends with Chester Bunnicula falling in love and getting married before they break the headboard while consummating their romance. Something like that.

Speaking of Twilight, don't you miss the simpler days when every kid's vampire of choice was a shifty bunny and not Edward Cullen's sparkle ass?

And the only thing that can make Bunnicula better is Victor Garber reading it to you. Get that in my ear. Happy Easter, everyone!

(For Lahoma)

 
Birthday Sluts Top

Taylor Kitsch (31)
Ezra Koenig (28)
Taran Noah Smith (28)
Kirsten Storms (28)
Katee Sackhoff (32)
Anouk (37)
Emma Caulfield (39)
Patricia Arquette (44)
Robin Wright (46)
Biz Markie (48)
Julian Lennon (49)
Donita Sparks (49)
Izzy Stradlin (50)
Richard Hatch (51)
John Schneider (52)
Kane Hodder (57)
Brenda Russell (63)
Vivienne Westwood (71)

 

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