The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- So Lindsay Lohan's The One Who Threw The Drink
- Nigel Barker Is Handling Unemployment Really Well
- Tyrant Banks Has Basically Fired Everyone
- Open Post: Hosted By The 3 Second Rule
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 19th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Pregnant Dude And His Wife Have Pressed Pause On Their Marriage
- Evening Crumbs
- Elisabetta Canalis Got Dumped By Steve-O
| So Lindsay Lohan's The One Who Threw The Drink | Top |
Before I get into more of Lindsay Lohan's crackhead antics, I thought I'd wet your whistle (with barf) with this picture of Michael Lohan looking like an uncircumcised turtle dick while striking a vomit-inducing pose in the mirror. Don't you dare throw Michael a compliment for his abs, because we all know those aren't abs under his lycra turtleneck, they're two halved slices of sausage. Moving on.... As Michael Lohan makes a bathroom mirror cry by putting his crack rock hard nipples in front of it, his partner in foolery Lindsay Lohan has been accused of starting the fight that ended with a delicious cocktail getting wasted. Michael tells TMZ that LiLo was the innocent one and she's the one who got splattered at The Standard Hotel on Wednesday night. But a friend of the girl LiLo got into a fight with says she started everything. LiLo was sitting in a booth next to the trick and got bumped. LiLo turned around, tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her, "Did you bump into me?" The girl denied it and told LiLo it was probably Michael Lohan who was sitting next to her. The rest of the situation went like this: LiLo: That's my dad, why would he bump into me? Girl: You go clubbing with your dad? LiLo: (insert every curse word here) *picks up drink, throws at a ho* And that's the other side of the story. Blohan is a self-entitled piece of trash who has about as much sense as she has cartilage in her nose, but if there's one thing she respects it's booze and I doubt she'd waste a drop of it. Water is anti-booze and will dilute your buzz, so I doubt bitch had any of that on her table. If it's not at least 100 proof, LiLo ain't putting it on her table. White Oprah taught her well. So LiLo's totally got the Respect the Booze defense on her side. And obviously, that girl threw Michael Lohan shade because she was jealous at how his tight sexy white turtleneck makes his titties pop. | |
| Nigel Barker Is Handling Unemployment Really Well | Top |
When I first scanned across these pictures with my eyes, I braced myself for non-stop puckering by clenching my cheeks, because I really thought this was noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker telling Tyra to kiss his ass and all these man asses as he posed in a photo call for his new job as host of America's Next Top Nalgas. That was wishful fapping, because this is really British swan and choreographer Louie Spence at the opening of the Girls' Day Out Show in Glasgow, Scotland today. This is what you see when you put a rainbow under a microscope. This is also what it looks like when it's buffet night at the Scientology men's lounge. Grab the flavored butt lube and enlarge each pic at your own risk. | |
| Tyrant Banks Has Basically Fired Everyone | Top |
America's Next Top J. Jill Catalog Model's ratings have been falling faster than Tyra Banks' sanity and so she has pulled her defibrillator out to try to save it from completely flatlining. The New York Post reports that sometime yesterday, TyTy and the show's executive producer Ken Mok fired noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker, noted sashayer Miss J and noted Tron unicorn Mr. J. All three of them have been with that shit since the beginning. TyTy confirmed on Facebook that the 19th season will be Nigel-less and J-less: To my Nigel Barker, Miss J, and Mr Jay: Thank you for all of our years together on America's Next Top Model! Working with you is always an absolute pleasure. Excited for what the future holds for us. XOXO, TyTy Meanwhile, the deflating bag of cold farts that is Kelly Cutrone is staying on as a judge. Apparently, TyTy is giving the 19th season a complete makeover and wants to bring social media into that shit. The producers are talking to a few fashions bloggers including BryanBoy. Why doesn't TyTy just get it over with and turn ANTM into America's Next Top Tyra Is Tyra, judged by Tyra, styled by Tyra, starring Tyra and only Tyra? Nigel and Jay Manuel can go, but firing Miss Jay is like purposefully dimming the sparkle on a piece of glitter. TyTy has finally broken out of her straitjacket and gone full crazy bitch. But what's even crazier is that I'll still suffer through season 19, because I have major abandonment issues when it comes to reality shit shows (see: Survivor, Amazing Race, Dancing with the Has-Beens, The Real World, Cops, etc.. etc...). | |
| Open Post: Hosted By The 3 Second Rule | Top |
| Because one of my dog's teefs chose today to fuck with him, I had to take him to the doggy dentist to get it pulled out (that's what he gets for smoking meth) and so I'm getting a later start than usual. ("Bitch, don't blame it on the dog. We all know you're starting late, because you spent your 4/20 morning hot boxing in the bathroom to open the pores in your brain." - you) While I get my shit together, get into the gracefully beautiful Texas flower Lisa Gail using her natural auto-tune-free "hound dog with a nasal infection getting circumcised with a rusty screwdriver" voice to school us on the 3 second rule. You'll want to use the 219 second rule while watching this glorious musical masterpiece. Some people are calling Lisa Gail a Real Housewife from Rebecca Blackville, but this blossom sprouted form the garden of Linda Hogan does it so much better. Did Rebecca Black have back-up singers that sound like a deaf cat orgy? No. Did Rebecca Black's video provide you with several servings of denim camel toe? No. Did Rebecca Black decorate her eyes with a wide tip black marker? No. Did Rebecca Black have dancers that moved like they were trying hard to not break down into shameful tears over agreeing to do this shit? No. This has all of that and more! And I even had to use the 3 second rule several times while watching this. I mean, Lisa Gail's beauty and talent is so potent that you can only take it 3 seconds at a time. via Jezebel (Thanks to everybody who sent this in) | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 19th! | Top |
Embarrassed by having to be driven .6 miles, Fishy auditions more earth friendly transportation. - Vern Runners-up: Entire communities are now adopting Mayim Bialik's Attachment Parenting philosophy. - i_heart_jack via Reuters (Thanks, G!) | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
In case you couldn't tell from your Facebook, Twitter and life feed filling up with green smoke, today is the annual tribute to the bong (or as every stoner calls it "a day")! To celebrate Stoner Thanksgiving, today's Hot Slut is every stoner's favorite Sesame Street Muppet, Oscar the Grouch. Oscar can't be bothered to give a fuck, will eye shank you if you don't bring him snacks, lives in a rent-free trash can (or as every New Yorker calls it "a studio apartment") is completely smokable (he kind of is) and I'm sure he farts buds. Happy 4/20, everyone! Even if you don't mess with the good shit, you can still partake in the festivities by swallowing a 7-Eleven whole. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
George Takei (75) | |
| Pregnant Dude And His Wife Have Pressed Pause On Their Marriage | Top |
Pregnant Dude (government: Thomas Beatie) filmed an episode of The Doctors this morning (it airs in May) and he dropped two bombs. No, by that I don't mean two more babies dropped out of him and rolled across the stage. Surprisingly, that didn't' happen. Pregnant Dude said that he and his wife of 9 years and the mother of his two kids, Nancy Beatie, are taking a break from each other's genitals. Pregnant Dude also said that he has just finished his last gender reassignment surgery, which means that his peen is now a poon. Oh, and Nancy hasn't met his new peen yet. Pregnant Dude went on to say: "Nancy hasn't seen the new me yet. Like all marriages, we have our ups and downs, and we're going through a rough patch right now. At the moment, we're separated." Okay, Nancy must be the kind of ho who'd rather have a clit on her tongue than a peen head. Because I wouldn't put my marriage in the time out corner until after I saw that dick. Big dick is a game changer. The most surprising part is we didn't watch their marriage slowly fall into the gutter on a reality show. How are they not on TLC full time?! Oh TLC, I feel like I don't know you anymore. | |
| Evening Crumbs | Top |
I now know why a Rock of Ages movie exists. It's so we can see Tommy Girl looking like Sheryl Crow as Kid Rock on the poster - Just Jared Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively want to play house in Connecticut. That sentence turned me white.- Lainey Gossip Katy Perry is one arm drop away from showing us the part of her that begins with chi and ends with chi - Hollywood Tuna Peeta Bread fights for the gays and gayelles - Towleroad If Nana Lohan isn't already sleeping with her pocketbook in her arms, she better start, because Lindsay Lohan will start dipping into there any day now - Celebitchy I like JLove a lot more when she's talking about her King Kong titties instead of begging Adam Levine to love her - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather We can get Chyna's fuck tape with the click of a mouse and yet an ASkars/Charlize Theron sex tape still hasn't entered the Internet universe. Sense: The world doesn't make any - The Superficial Ryan Seacrest is totally loving this, but only because Julianne Hough's side boob reminds him of Simon Cowell's side boob - Popoholic Kitson + Wonky = Me asking if these pictures were recycled from 2004? - ICYDK Winnie Cooper is looking hot! - Go Fug Yourself RDJ and some people we don't care about at The Avengers premiere in London - Popsugar Bearded Hamm - The Berry Kelly Rowland is not about to get banished to the basement again - Crunk + Disorderly It's hard to focus on RDJ's plaid bulge when those shoes are making my eyes heave - SOW My guess is The Lesbeaver - Cityrag Alexandra Breckinridge and Evan Rachel Wood were made on the same assembly line - Hollywood Rag It's not right that Kelly Preston is taking all the credit when we know that John Travolta's the one doing the breastfeeding - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| Elisabetta Canalis Got Dumped By Steve-O | Top |
Elisabetta Canalis went from George Clooney's awards season escort to rubbing on Eggs from True Blood, and somehow she tumbled all the way down onto Steve-O's peen that is probably mangled from lighting firecrackers in his dick mouth. Elisabetta is now back on the prowl looking for the next semi-relevant piece to get her into the back page of Life & Style, because Steve-O has officially quit her ass for being a non-stop partying wreck. Some source tells Radar that Steve-O is one hundred percent sober and Elisabetta is basically a coke vacuum (so I've heard). "Steve-O dumped Elisbetta over her partying. He is extremely serious about his sobriety and did not want to be dating anyone who could jeopardize that. If I was Elisabetta, I'd be so mad at coke right now. Like I'd be yelling at coke. I wouldn't even be able to look at it. Not because she's allegedly addicted to it and would sell her left nipple to an underground black market nipple ring for an 8-ball. Nothing like that. But because it's the reason why she's been publicly humiliated by getting dumped......BY STEVE-O! Getting dumped by Steve-O is like the bottom of a barrel not letting you sit on it because you're not good enough for it. If that doesn't clean her up, I don't know what will. Who is she going to date now? Jesse Camp's weekend weed man? Oh, how the mighty have fallen. | |
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