Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

Mickey Rourke Will Get An Oscar Of His Very Own Top
Mickey Rourke may have lost the top prize on Sunday, but he will get an Oscar of his very own to terrorize with his face that only Loki can love. That's because he's apparently going to adopt a chihuahua and name him Oscar. Mickey is still burning his face with tears over Loki, so he's hoping to mend the broken piece of his heart a little by getting another dog friend. A source tells Radar , "Mickey has other dogs but he misses Loki terribly. He doesn't want to wait long either - he wants to get his new pooch this week. The new dog won't replace Loki but by naming it Oscar Mickey says he'll make his comeback year even more special. " We were totally ripped off on Sunday, because we didn't get a rambling Rourke rant. Methinks the FCC had something to do with that shit! Because of that, when Mickey gets his new Oscar, he better hold some kind of press conference and give us the speech we've all been waiting (and boozing) for! Also, I hope Mickey adopts a needy chihuahua from one from the worst pet dungeons in the world: Parasite Hilton's house.
 
The Transformation Can Continue! Top
Evan Rachel Wood's transformation into Dita Von Teese was on pause since November, but you can hit the play button again, but bitches are saying she's back to licking on Marilyn Manson's decapitated worm peen. Page Six says that Marilyn came out of the W Hotel Sunday morning and told a bitch " he was waiting for his girlfriend. " A quick minute later, Evan came out and the two got into a car and drove off to GROSSville. I guess by this time tomorrow, Evan will be black-haired and red-lipped again. You can find her ass splashing around in a giant busted martini glass with rhinestone pasties on her nipples. Ugh. If Evan wants to cause shame to her vag, then that's her thing. Bitch's snatch was just learning to smile again and now she's pulled this! Evan, your vagina isn't creaming in pleasure. It's fucking crying tears of pain because it has to kiss Marilyn's corroded cock creature again. Personally, I'd rather get butt fucked by a plugged-in power strip than let Marilyn hit this.
 
Conversations With A Cokey Top
This little interview of Blohan on Oscar night reminds me of conversations I've had with bitches riding high on the Colombia Express. Seriously, I'm waiting for Candy Finnigan from Intervention to pop up in the back with a plane ticket. Bitch has got the white shit jitters. Blohan talked to E! about all the EXCITING projects she's working on (aka all the stupid ideas she came up with while holding a meeting around a mirror on a coffee table). Blohan is working on a spray tan for Sephora and a diamond line. That diamond she's wearing is made out of coke, right? Just cut and snort. It's kind of genius. And her spray tan is also going to be mixed with computer duster so you can really look like you have walked on sunshine . Also genius. Blohan also showed off her matching "shhhh... " tattoo she got on her finger with Lily Allen . She said it's a "female empowerment thing ." No. it's a " dumb fuck cokehead thing. " And here's some " Feed the Junkie " photos of Blohan taken by Hedi Slimane . This skeezy ass photo shoot looks like it was payment for an 8-ball. Candy Finnigan, please come get this skank!
 
The Virgin Got Married! Top
Victoria's Secret model and the "world's most voluptuous virgin " (by GQ ), Adriana Lima, eloped with NBA player Marko Jaric o n Valentine's Day in Jackson Hole (heh), Wyoming. Adriana and Marko have NOT been sexing it up with each other since 2006. Adriana claimed last year or so that she was still a virgin, but this chick dated Lenny Kravitz. Even if he didn't stick it in, Lenny can melt cherries just by touch. So if she even hugged Lenny, the ho ain't a virgin anymore. This is a scientific fact. There was a special on the Discovery Channel about it or something. Adriana announced the news on her MySpace and also addressed the rumors that she might be knocked up: By this point, some people know about my big news! Yes, I like to keep my life personal but I did become married on Valentine Day to the love of my life. I am SO happy inside and I want to spread my love! The marriage was very small and not most friends and family could attend because it was a quick decision. Luckily, we will be having another wedding this summer that will be a bigger event! We have not decided where it will be because my family is in Brasil and Marko is from Serbia. It will be great no matter where! And finally, there are rumors of me pregnant. I just cannot say.. YET! Happy on the inside and wants to spread her love? SLUT! Bitch is totally knocked up. I don't blame her ass. Look at that hot piece. Yes, ole boy is a little crossy in the eyeball area, but he looks like he has prime long peen. That's what my peendar says anyway. The only problem is that he probably has trouble finding the hole, because his wonk eyes keep directing him in different directions. One eye tells him to go east and the other tells him to go west. If Adriana stays on top that shit is probably good.
 
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For February 23rd! Top
In this picture, there are hidden: one busted-ass weave half a roach one Waylon Jennings 8-track two half drunk Natty Lights Joaquin Phoenix's career Loki Can you find them ? - WTFOMGLOL Runners-up: she best get in and drive as fast as she can; at the stoke of 12 the spell will be broken, and it will turn back into the shopping cart it once was. - thebigonetwo Future "Hot Slut of the Day" contestants pile into the old Ford and head to auditions. Hopefuls include: Blood-Stained Mattress, Old Red Washtub, Broken Pet Carrier, Dead Palm Frond, and Prison Issue Pants. Eat your heart out, Spaghetti Cat! - Perky
 
Hot Slut Of The Day! Top
Clara from Great Depression Cooking with Clara ! - 93-years-old Clara is the star of her own YouTube series where she teaches us recipes from the Great Depression. Clara makes everything from cooked bread, pasta with peas, depression breakfast and poorman's meal (below). Some of us might to memorize this shit, so pay attention. But seriously, some of these meals are healthier than what I fucking eat now. Okay, all of them are. (For Mike)
 

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