The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Katy Perry's Mom Does Not Approve Of This | Top |
| If you're a skilled brow reader who happens to be in front of Mary Perry Hudson when she sees this picture of her daughter's tits, you will most likely read her eyebrows screaming the following rant: " Cover those breasts in the name of JESUS! I got your number, hussy, and it's 666! " Katy Perry's evangelical preacher mother is shopping around a book proposal and in it she writes about how she's not exactly praising her daughter's Candy Land harlot wear and song lyrics. Katy sometimes talks about her Christian upbringing, but those who care will get every single detail about it if her mother's book ever gets published. Page Six got a hold of the full proposal going around to publishers and in it, Mary Perry compares herself to Billy Ray Cyrus (because his child has " risen to fame and live contrary to her parents' beliefs ") and writes that she hopes her daughter morphs into " a Kathryn Kuhlman type of healer. " But it's Mary Perry's pearl-clutching response to Katy's tits that bothers me the most. Mary Perry needs to take a class at the Catholic catechism class I attended as a child, because we were taught that chichis are heaven's mountains and cleavage is a side smile for Jesus. Or maybe I remember it differently since I was usually drunk on communion wine. But that's not the point. The point is what is Mary Perry talking about here? "Katy stepped out from behind the changing doors in a tiny risqué costume. No mother wants to see the top of her daughter's boobs . . . My first instinct was to order her back behind those doors and demand she put something else on . . . However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn't allow my mouth to utter." And Mary Perry also no problem writing about it in a book for some extra money that I'm sure she'll use to start the Christian Moms Against Pop Star Cleavage foundation. But we all know how this story ends. Mary Perry will try to expunge Katy Perry's dark-sided perverseness by putting her on house arrest. Then Mary Perry will smack her head on a passing car in the street and meet sex saint Ray-Ray. You know how the rest goes . I hope Johnny Knoxville is firing up his jizz head as I type this. And here's Katy's man husband Russell Brand looking like a Cher wax figure at the L.A. premiere of HOP with Hugh Laurie and The Hoff. | |
| Connor Cruise's Side-Eye Speaks For All Of Us | Top |
| Connor Cruise is really wishing that the Scientology gift shop sold super absorbent pads to slip under thetan-resistant g-strings, because he knows that his nose will be stuck to the AC vent on the SUV ride home now that Tommy Girl locked eyes and awkwardly touched hands Becks at the Lakers game in L.A. yesterday. As David Beckham's vocal cords whistled out tales of Posh's pregnancy cravings for ice cream fumes and diluted pickle water, Tommy Girl's Scientolohole blew out massive amounts of prostate pudding while thinking about how he'd like to audit Becks' nipples with his tongue. And Connor isn't the only one who wished that he had a mute button for his senses.... Poor Suri probably didn't get a wink of beauty sleep last night. Tommy Girl skipped into his boudoir, flopped on his canopy bed and sang out " I Could've Creamed All Night " while his man slaves dressed him in an assless onesie for bedtime. Hopefully, Suri punished Tommy by " accidentally " dropping her open barley water bottle on the hand that Becks touched. The hand that Tommy swore he would only wash in Becks' saliva. If you hear a high-pitched " WHY?!!!! " shooting out of Tommy's dungeon this morning, you know it's not coming from Katie Holmes for a change. | |
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