The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Suri Cruise Is Not So Silently Judging This
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 1st!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
| Suri Cruise Is Not So Silently Judging This | Top |
| Suri Cruise's eyes might be saying " Isn't this special? ", but her finger over her mouth is loudly screaming, " How. Tragic. " From Jim Toth looking like a shaved monkey getting his daily protein by nibbling the gnats out of Reese Witherspoon's hair to Hello! Magazine erasing the Barbie from her dress, Suri is not amused. If People insisted on pushing Suri into the corner, they could've at least used a picture of Reese that didn't make her look like the love child of Skipper and Mr. Potato Head getting assaulted by a Monchichi. No, she looks pretty. I'm just every flavor of bitter, because Jake Gyllenhaal should be the one with a veil on his head on the cover of People. And Reese knows it! That Ore-Ida chin of hers has got a dollop of smugness directed at JAKE! Something tells me Jake will be shouting a raw rendition of Whitney Houston's " It's Not Right, But It's Okay " at this cover today. And here's the newly married Reese at the CMAs in Las Vegas last night with RPattz ! Either RPattz is stoned drunk or he's trying to wrestle out a fart. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 1st! | Top |
| Using a discarded PeePaw as a decorative sundial. How good is that and is there no end to Ina Garten's evil. - TexnDoc Runners-up: New Yorkers will go to great lengths to protect their sweet nectar from Lohan. - MardiGras Well, how do YOU get the cork back into a champagne bottle? - Deb In mother Russia, you have to perform the alphabet backwards. Next up, the letter "S". - Provolone via Evil Milk | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| MEAT LOAF !!!!! Marvin Lee Aday isn't getting the Order of the Hot Slut for his platinum plated music career or his contribution to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, he's getting it for his one-sided summoning of Armageddon on Celebrity Apprentice last night. Joan Rivers' " Pokah Playa" blow-up and Dionne Warwick's huss-isms sit in a special place in my heart, but Meat Loaf scared all the bats back into hell last night when he unleashed the monster on Gary Busey over art supplies! OVER ART SUPPLIES! Okay, it wasn't really over art supplies. Gary has been slowly nibbling at Meat Loaf's nerves the entire season, so when Meat (who is now charbroiled and completely burned) couldn't find his art supplies and mistakenly thought The Busey took them, he belly flopped over the edge and made all of his former anger management instructors proud! It was a beautiful sight to see and was like cunt music to my ears thanks to the dozens of FUCK words that shot out of Meat's mouth and slammed into Gary's forehead. I laughed the entire time. "I bought those motherfucking sponges! " That right there is the kind of crazy comedy gold that should get Meat Loaf a hug from a straitjacket. I'm pretty sure kindergarten art teachers hear their 5-year-old students shout shit like that all the time, but it was new to me! As the meat thermometer in Meat Loaf's ass melted and exploded, Gary just stood with herp derp playing in his eyes. You know how you stop a crazy bitch from being crazy, you OUT FUCKING CRAZY them, which is exactly what Meat pulled on Gary last night. All of us should give Meat a pat on the back for that. But the pat is only to distract him while one of us shoots him in the ass with a tranquilizer. Gary probably stayed on mute while getting the mark of the beast, because the acronym factory in his brain overloaded and shut down from trying to figure out the meaning of "MOTHERFUCKING SPONGES." Here's Meat's epic meltdown in its entirety. Even Mel Gibson is handing Meat a Valium this morning: After Cesar Milan leashed Meat and put him into a calm submissive state by TS TS TSing him in the side, he apologized to Gary and the two shared a touching moment together .Yes, if those Styrofoam food containers had eyes, they'd be rolling them, but this was the second best happy ending to the Crazy vs. Crazier showdown. The best happy ending would've been if Dionne Warwick rode in on a Hoveround and whooped all of their asses. | |
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