The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Sarah Shahi Got The Wrong Piece Of Blonde Trash | Top |
| Fairly Legal's Sarah Shahi Tweeted her way into the charred layers of my heart over the weekend when she wrote a series poetic Tweets directed at that septic tank skank Parasite Hilton . Sarah launched into a beautiful rage-filled aria after she says Wonky nearly crashed into her before running a stop sign. I want someone to use Sarah's Tweets as the lyrics of a song that Celine Dion (or a French Canadian Celine Dion impersonator) will sing at my funeral. But wait. Wonky told Mario Lopez on Extra that just because it looks like trash and drives like a dick doesn't mean it's her! "I have no idea! I was so shocked when I read that too. I've never met this person in my life. I wasn't even driving that day. I had just came back from Vegas with my boyfriend and we were at home relaxing. I hadn't even been in a car that day. I literally came with a driver from the airport [and] went to my house. Then later on, I read that. Dude, I wasn't even driving. Maybe it was some other blonde girl who looks like me. There is a lot of look-alikes, Paris look-alikes for a living that live in Los Angeles. They are always doing things and I'm getting blamed for it. So this could be another incident like that." First of all, the ho is lying. Never trust a bitch who is always winking. Second of all, please tell me she's also lying about there still being Paris look-alikes roaming the streets of L.A. in 2011 ! You would think that by now every Wonky wannabe would've welded an alien mask to her face, covered her skin with bronze lacquer and stuffed each ass cheek with a yoga ball so that she can whore through the streets as a Kim Kardashian look-alike instead. Famewhore-alikes must stay current! | |
| Alex Pettyfer Is Such A Gentleman | Top |
| When going down a dude, haven't you wished that he would ejaculate a thank you card (preferably one that looks like this ) or even hum out the melody to Dido's "Thank You ." Just once, wouldn't you like to suck a dick with some manners?! Well, Alex Pettyfer , star of Beastly and I Am Number Four, has heard your cries for some gentlemanly behavior and that's why he got " thank you" tattooed above his peen area. Alex jokes (I'm guessing) to VMAN (via E! News ) that he got the Miss Manners approved tattoo just in case he forgets to say it afterward. Doesn't that just make you want to get "oh, you're very welcome" tattooed on your tongue? And "y ou forgot to give me a kiss goodbye" tattooed on your ass lips? Words of polite romance don't mean a thing unless they're in black ink. Alex, who already has a reputation for being a certified bastard prick , went on tell VMAN about how he only moved to L.A. from England for his career and he can't wait to take his polite crotch tattoo out of there. "L.A. is growing on me a little bit but it's still a shit hole. I think it's this insidious pool where nearly everyone lives in fear. Geographically it's fantastic, but socially it's disgusting. I wish they'd run all the cunts out. I wish I had some interesting stories about living in L.A., but mostly I just do my work and then go home. Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp's career and then you move to Paris." Alex's " run all the cunts out" of L.A. comment reminded me of one of my favorite childhood stories. You know, the one about the Pied Piper who lured all the cunts (or was it rats, or children?) out of that German village? Yeah, that one. I bet if the Piped Piper did the same thing in L.A., Alex would be the first cunt following him past the city limits. | |
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