The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- An Outbreak Of Horse Herpes Forces Rodeo Queens To Ride Stick Ponies Instead
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
| Some guys are leg men. Some are ass men (Kramer). This famous athlete is a breast man. If you don't have them, he will date you, but he'll spend a good part of the relationship pressuring you to get a new pair. He'll point out other women and comment on what great breasts they have and how perfect you would be if you only had breasts like her. This strategy doesn't just work on regular women. It has also worked on two of the famous women he has dated, who both got plastic surgery when they were with him. Expect to see his current girlfriend with a new pair soon. ( Blind Gossip ) A-Rod and Cameron Diaz ? Exhibit: EVERYTHING A-Rod really needs to calm down and stop trying to shove plastic titty sacks in Cameron Diaz's chest. He has enough chichis for the both of them. Family feuds can get really ugly, and this one is no exception. These two siblings absolutely despise each other. The more successful sibling has been giving money to their parents every month for years. The parents have then been turning around and giving the money each month to the less successful sibling. The successful sib found out about this and is absolutely furious. They now want to cut everyone off financially. ( Blind Gossip ) Judy and Audrey Landers , obviously. Or Miley and Noah Cyrus ? Cannes. This former A list movie actor who is lucky to have any friends at all, slipped his arm around the waist of this almost A list actress/director at an event, who shoved his arm away and said, "Do not touch me." Guess things are not as rosy as they seem. ( CDAN ) This smells like condensed titty milk, dirty jacuzzi water and blue ball rage, which means it's probably Mel Gibson & Jodie Foster ? But let's just pretend it's Brad Pitt and Angie Jo! | |
| An Outbreak Of Horse Herpes Forces Rodeo Queens To Ride Stick Ponies Instead | Top |
| That might sound like one of the plots of Christopher Guest's new movie starring Jennifer Coolidge as the rodeo queens' coach, but it isn't. This story is a reminder that the local news regularly burps up shiny gems of fuckery that even make The Onion go " huh ?" The latest one comes out from KSL in Farmington, Utah. A major breakout of horse herpes (cut to Lady Coco Chanel making a " Not My Fault" face) has forced the cancellation of several rodeo events and shit, because who wants to put a feedbag of Valtrex under their horse's mouth? The Davis County Sheriff's Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest was almost shut down too, but then the organizers got an idea that saved the event. They put the rodeo queens on stick horses. The world is now a much more magical place thanks to the stick horse rodeo. One of the little rodeo queens said, "With a stick horse it's a lot different because you have to do all the work, and I think it's going to be a lot more tiring than with a real horse." After watching that classic video, it's only right for me to say that Brokeback Mountain would've been a million times better with stick ponies instead. Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies. Real ponies shit, piss, kick at you when you try to hot glue rhinestones on their skin and don't smile on command. But stick ponies don't shit, nor piss and they won't try to take your knee caps out if you hot glue a rhinestone to their heads. They can't! They don't have legs! I say we retire all the ponies and stick to stick ponies! If stick pony rodeos became the new thing, I might even get up off my ass and get on that shit. Because if anybody knows how to ride a stick... I'm stopping. (Thanks Erin) | |
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