The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
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| Sometimes a priceless story comes along that makes you feel grateful that there are TMI whores out there who will spill the crotch crustaceans to sell their book and this is one of those times. Florence Henderson is out peddling her memoirs and she's doing so by releasing an excerpt that explains the time the Mayor of New York made her coochie hum the melody to Sea of Love by giving her the gift that keeps on itching. The New York Daily News reports the story that'll make every guest at the Brady house wish they would've never tried Alice's famous cold craw stew. "I was lonely. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do," writes Henderson, who was married at the time. Henderson returned home after the romp. When she awoke the next morning, she spotted "little black things" crawling over her body. Henderson immediately called a doctor who helped her get rid of the tiny parasitic insects also known as pubic lice. Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter. "Guess I learned the hard way that crabs do not discriminate but cross over all socioeconomic strata," Henderson writes in "Life is Not a Stage," set for publication in September. "He must have had quite the active life. What a way to put the kibosh on a relationship." Mayor Lindsay died in the year 2000 so he's giving crabs to the angels now and can't defend himself or turn down an offer to be the spokeswhore for Nix's crab-killing cream for slutty seniors. Those were the good old days. When the dicks of New York politicians were whipping up a serving of crab pie in the crotches of wholesome TV moms. Nowadays our politicians only do boring shit like send boring pictures of their boring peens to Twatter tramps. And thanks to Florence Henderson, I'll now be singing " Here's a story of a whory lady.. ." all day long. | |
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| Amelia the Cat might be the only creature on this planet that can listen to a Ke$ha song on full blast in the middle of a mental hospital playground while watching One Night in Chyna in front of a plate of blue waffles with a " Fuck Justin Bieber " t-shirt on her body and live to meow the tale, because the pussy is indestructible! The 18-year-old cat used up a good portion of her nine lives when she fell out of a moving truck crossing over a bridge in Washington earlier this month. The fall made Amelia a little fucked up in the brains and as she tried to figure out what the hell just happened, a car hit her, causing her to fly over the bridge and fall 70 feet to the ground below. A horrified driver who watched the entire thing while making this face quickly drove down under the bridge expecting to see the spirit of the pussy with angel wings and a harp in its front legs floating above the body, but this is not what she witnessed! She found the Catwoman of cats alive and sort of well. The cat was taken to the local Humane Society who named her Amelia because she " flew." The vets at the Human Society were amazed that Amelia only suffered a broken front leg and a cracked palate. Sadly, they later learned that Amelia was knocked up with a litter that died from the fall. But since Amelia's chichis are full of leche and she's the kind of bitch who just gets up and goes with the flow, she's nursing an orphan kitten. One of the directors at the Humane Society said, " We stuck a 2-week-old kitten in her pen. Amelia rolls over, lifts her leg up, and says, 'Milk's over here.' She's an awesome kitty. " I would say that Amelia should join the Jackass crew immediately, but well.... And meanwhile, my dog just screeched like a virgin bottom at a plug and pass party when I brushed his hair too hard. " Now who's the pussy, bitch?" - Amelia to my dog Source: People via Fark | |
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| Chris Isaak (55) Aubrey Plaza (27) Jason Schwartzman (31) Nathan Followill (32) Ryan Tedder (32) Derek Jeter (37) Gretchen Wilson (38) Rebecca Budig (38) Chris O'Donnell (41) Irv Gotti (41) Paul Thomas Anderson (41) Sean Hayes (41) Matt Letscher (41) Harriet Wheeler (48) Terri Nunn (50) Patty Smyth (54) Mick Jones (56) Robert Davi (60) Gilberto Gil (69) | |
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