The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Birthday Sluts
- The Iguana Goddess And Her Gross Husband On Getting Kicked Out Of The Pumpkin
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th!
- Bruce Willis Is Spawning Again....
- Open Post: Hosted By Kim Zolciak As The Svedka Girl
- Lindsay Lohan Will Be Every Kind Of Naked In Playboy
- Two Very Good Reasons For Hating The Superman Make-Up Artist
- Courtney Stodden's Metamorphoses From Normal Girl To Iguana Goddess
- Amy Winehouse Boozed Her Way To Death
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Simon Le Bon (53) | |
| The Iguana Goddess And Her Gross Husband On Getting Kicked Out Of The Pumpkin | Top |
The broken condom baby of Wiploc and Candy from Earth Girls Are Easy and her pedomonster husband were on Dr. Drew's Lifechangers (aka Celebrity Rehab orientation) today to talk in detail about the greatest injustice since Rosa Parks was kicked off that bus! Yes, two spotlight eaters nobody should care about were on a national television show to talk about something nobody should care about and here I am caring about it. I'm suddenly beginning to see the effects that eating dead flies off the window sill as a child did to my brain. I'll admit that I have Taco Bell meat for brains, but isn't Dr. Drew supposed to be a damn doctor with framed degrees on his wall and shit? Dr. Drew is calmly sitting there as a talking skin graft and a beautiful cracked out hairspray bubble go on and on about getting kicked out of a stupid pumpkin patch, because "the children" were getting scarred by their slutty fuckery. Dr. Drew never quietly leaned over to hit a button that opens a trap door under Courtney and Doug and drops them into an underground mental hospital. Dr. Drew never snapped for two men to bring the straitjackets. Dr. Drew did shit! I'm going to give Dr. Drew the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't only have Courtney and Doug on his show for ratings. I'm going to say that after this taping, Dr. Drew left a trail of Playboy pink lipstick from Courtney's dressing room to the back of a padded van. via Celebuzz | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Gozer the Gozerian and early 80s Billy Idol check out of the Tokio Hotel - Just Jared "No plan. No backup. No choice" is the same thing Tommy Girl said to Stepford Katie the first time he caught her trying to go down the escape ladder out of her bedroom window - Lainey Gossip Why is Ronnie Wood hanging around with Lindsay Lohan? - The Superficial A temporary fruit fly anthem courtesy of X-Factor's first victim - Towleroad London Fog presents their "She's all we could afford" campaign starring Nicole Scherminger - The Berry RPattz wants Taylor Lautner's body - Celebitchy Face by Baby Jane, Dress by ACE Bandage - Hollywood Tuna Barnes & Noble is currently offering a very special deal: buy 1 copy of Snooki's second book, get 1 free punch to the face - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather PETA is suing Sea World for whale slavery and yet Papa Joe walks free.... - OMG Blog Eddie Murphy is going back to the raunch - ICYDK The Best of Whoreoween presented by someone named Melanie Iglesias - Popoholic BUUUUUUN-NEEEEEEEEEEES (and two humans and a goat too) - Popsugar What happens when Elton John and Pete Burns' farts touch - The Daily What It's official: Blake Lively's vagina shoots out Lucky Charm marshmallows - Celebslam Herman Cain's campaign song is awesome - Videogum JLo, you know you don't have to do the hail Skeletor salute anymore, right? - Hollywood Rag Pimp my rider - Cityrag And just like some beards, GOOP is itchy, annoying and full of crap - SOW Tyler takes a tumble - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th! | Top |
via St. Pete Times (Thanks Katherine) | |
| Bruce Willis Is Spawning Again.... | Top |
As Emma Heming's chocha cringes at the thought of spitting out an anvil baby whose triple wide chin will put its strength to the test, Bruce Willis is congratulating his 56-year-old wrinkly jizz sack for still having it. Bruce's rep confirms to People that his tater head gene is twinkling inside of a fetus in Emma's womb. Let's hope American Horror Story is real life and Emma is knocked up with rubber suit man's baby.... The actor and wife Emma, a designer and model, are expecting their first child together early next year, his rep confirms to PEOPLE. This will be Bruce's fourth kid (5th if you count Ashton). And cut to Demi Moore lying inside of a wooden box, patiently waiting for Bruce's latest tater baby to be born so it can use its chin to hammer the last nail into her will to live coffin. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Kim Zolciak As The Svedka Girl | Top |
Note to Kim Zolciak and others cut from the same famewhore cloth: I fully understand that you want the best picture of you as a Tronssexual which is why you're okay with suffocating your crotch and scalp at the same time. But I'd wish you'd put the same kind of effort toward cleaning your kitchen counter. The Ziploc bag and jar of laxatives ruin the composition of this potentially exquisite work of museum quality art. Actually, next time just tell the pap to photograph the Ziploc bag and jar of laxatives instead. Thank you. | |
| Lindsay Lohan Will Be Every Kind Of Naked In Playboy | Top |
Anybody who can't handle a raw bone-in chicken without thinking that it needs more freckles, smegma stains, coke clots and extra skin has already smeared their retinas on Lindsay Lohan's "check for cash" (copyright: Wildwood, N.J.) in paparazzi pictures. But you're about to get an encore performance, because TMZ is hearing that LiLo bares her titties, twat and ass in the spread that Playboy paid her almost $1 million for. A source claims that one rumor going around that LiLo only went semi-nude is completely untrue, because the shoot just wrapped up yesterday and as the cameras were clicking she spread her legs and answered the question: "I wonder what it would look like if the Slim Jim Man rolled around in a cave full of rancid roast beef slices while wearing a bodysuit made of scabs?" Lindsay Lohan has legal bills to pay and A CHECK IS A CHECK, so I say release the beast and get your money, bitch. Hundreds of tricks do this on a daily basis and do they collect a stack of bills for it? No. LiLo is boosting the economy with her chocha and containing all the flies in one place at the same time. And to quote White Oprah: "Baby, you should pose for a $1 million spread in Playboy Magazine the same way you came into this world: naked and crying!" | |
| Two Very Good Reasons For Hating The Superman Make-Up Artist | Top |
Here's Henry Cavill on the Vancouver set of Superman: Man of Steel and here's the two reasons why that make-up artist is Supergirl to my Saleeeeeeena: 1. THIS BITCH gets to write on her 2011 tax returns that one of her full-time jobs for this year was to spray WD-40 on Henry Cavill's nipples and smear grease all over furry pectacles until he looked like one of the rock hard pieces of blackened lung that Keith Richards hacks up after serving his 1 millionth cigarette for the day. You really haven't successfully achieved professional greatness until human resources calls you into the office to say: "We need you to stop licking your lips and winking as you apply liquid dirt to Mr. Cavill's upper buttocks area. It's inappropriate. Also, we're going to need to confiscate your locker of all the body hairs you sneakily stole off of Mr. Cavill's chest." 2. When the light hits her hair against the green screen, it looks like a fall of sparkling ginger is gracefully trickling off of her head. I mean, ginge (I think) and a full-time job as Henry Cavill's body greaser? What an obnoxious way of flaunting that you were Mother Fucking Theresa in your past life. | |
| Courtney Stodden's Metamorphoses From Normal Girl To Iguana Goddess | Top |
Despite what the priest at confessional says to you when you cry to him that a slutty lizard keeps crawling through the hole from your dreams to your nightmares to wrap her tongue around your soul, Courtney Stodden did not start out in life as an animatronic Pamela Anderson Real Doll that was solely created by her creepy maker/husband to spit out soft-core porn adjectives on Twitter and constipated sexyfaces during staged photo shoots. There was a time when Courtney was a fresh-faced wholesome girl who probably thought Adderall was add-on sleeves for overalls or something. Crazy Days and Nights (via Jezebel) posted this alleged picture of Courtney before her mother sold her to the liver eater from The X-Files. This thickens the plot since Courtney's pimp of a mother swears on the sales receipt the devil gave her that her daughter can be sold in the organic section of any grocery store and she has never been touched by a plastic surgeon's scalpel. A lot of hos are saying that since Courtney is 17 in CZJ years, she's probably telling lies about her plastic surgery situation too. But I'm not sure. Courtney sticks out her chest and sucks in so hard while posing that her internal organs probably got sick of suffocating so they traveled up to her tits. She doesn't have plastic tits, she's got stomach tits! I bet if you turned a wet sandblast machine on Courtney and switched off the switch that operates her terrifying snarlface, she'll look a little closer to 17 instead of looking like she should be passing an apple to Snow White. It's all the make-up and shit. The glamorous power of Wet 'N Wild, Walmart hair bleach and clear bra straps cannot be denied. Mah Boo would totally co-sign that. | |
| Amy Winehouse Boozed Her Way To Death | Top |
Mitch Winehouse said a while ago that the Coroner informed the family that his daughter Amy Winehouse did not have heroin, cocaine, meth or anything else found in Lindsay Lohan's first-aid kit in her system at the time of her death. Mitch put on his crime solvin' hat and said that he believes his daughter got a piggyback ride from the Grim Reaper to the heavens, because she started drinking alcohol after a long break from the bottle. Mitch can give himself the saddest pat on the back ever, because he's right. The coroner held a hearing this morning in London and explained that Amy had "416mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood." 350mg of booze is considered lethal and 80mg is the legal limit for driving in the UK. The coroner was told by Amy's family and doctors that she had quit drinking for two weeks straight and she started up again just a few days before her death. There were three empty bottles found in her bedroom. The coroner went on to say, "She had consumed sufficient alcohol at 416mg per decilitre (of blood) and the unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels was her sudden and unexpected death." The coroner declared Amy Winehouse's cause of death as "death by misadventure." "Death by misadventure" sounds like equal parts sad and strangely whimsical. Like the last title of a The Rescuers movie. I'm probably going to breathe my last breath into my Prince Hot Ginge blow-up doll while surrounded by my cat's children, but I still hope "death by misadventure" is written on my death certificate. RIP Amy. You lived by misadventure and died by misadventure. UPDATE: I must have 350mg of booze in my system, because Mitch Winehouse actually said before that he believes Amy died of alcohol withdrawal. Mitch never said that he believes she died of drinking the sweet nectar after a break. So take back that sad pat, Mitch. via Metro | |
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