The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Open Post: Hosted By Obama And A Baby
- Sinead O'Connor Just Beat Kim Kardashian's Record
- PETA's On Janet Jackson's Ass
- Panty Creamer Of The Day: Serena Williams In Miami
- Meet The World's Champion Masturbator!
- These Two Are Finally Engaged
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Wookie Kardashian Is Kinda...Hot?!?
- Where's The Peen?
| Open Post: Hosted By Obama And A Baby | Top |
| Reason #591,869 for why BABIES!!! get special treatment. If any one of us pulled this shit, we would be tackled by every Secret Service Agent, dragged into a cell, have our fingers surgically removed for poison testing and tried for treason. Yet this baby does it and everyone's like, "Awwwww... Nomnomobama." And I haven't seen Fox News' headline for this yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be a magical work of high art that will replace Mona Lisa's spot at the Louvre. via The Daily What | |
| Sinead O'Connor Just Beat Kim Kardashian's Record | Top |
In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming, Sinead O'Connor's marriage to the sweet-faced tenhead man lasted just a second longer than 7 hours and 15 days. Sinead announced on her blog last night that she is quitting Barry Herridge after being married to him for a total of 18 days. Sinead writes that because Barry's family pushed hard pressure on him (the same way a peen pushes hard pressure into Sinead's asshole to turn her difficult brown into easy brown) to leave her ass, she has decided to end their love. Here's a piece of what Sinead wrote on her site last night: Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband's life. And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don't drink. My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage. It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear. And that being with me was not going to serve him positively , career wise or any other wise. I saw his life leave him because of how people close to him reacted. And I can't take anyone's life. And a woman wants to be a joy to her husband. So.. U love someone? Set them free. You know, not all loves are meant to last forever. Barry spent his honeymoon doing some Pineapple Express shit while looking for some weed all over Las Vegas and I'm sure if he rubs his peen really hard and puts his hand to his nose, he can still smell Sinead's difficult brown. That is real love right there. And what I've learned from Sinead's ten second queef of a marriage is to always keep the name of a good weed man in every city on file. | |
| PETA's On Janet Jackson's Ass | Top |
Ms. Jackson if you relevant, cuz' PETA on her like red paint on a fur muff! Janet Jackson's had it shitty since Justin Timberlake ripped her nipple cover off at the Superbowl that time. America blamed the black girl for being sexy(?), and completely forgave the pussy-ass white boy who was equally in on it and then let him make too many fucking appearances on Saturday Night Live. Janet can barely sell a record now, and she's been reduced to becoming the spokesass for Nutrisystem! Case in point - the last couple of Nutrisystem spokeswomen have been Topanga from Boy Meets World and Marie Osmond. Those may seem like career lows, but like a phoenix from the ashes - Janet has pissed off PETA by launching a line of dead animal skins with Blackgama. PETA being mad at you keeps you in the spotlight. For a day. But still!
They've named her "Grinch of the Year 2011." Neither Penny from Good Times or Blackgama has responded. She just can't hear them through her mink babushka. My Dad won "Grinch of the Year" in 1986 when he threatened to stand at the bottom of the chimney with a shotgun and blow Santa away when he came down. The joke was on him, because we didn't have a chimney! He drank. (via Buzzfeed) | |
| Panty Creamer Of The Day: Serena Williams In Miami | Top |
I'm always covering Dlisted with heaping servings of dick and man nipples, so finally here's something for all the hos out there who love it when a pair of steel hard nalgas crack their cheek bones while they're tossing some lady salad. This is Serena Williams throwing the paps a "My farts has six packs on them too, bitch!" look while jet skiing with her friends in Miami over the weekend. When I first brought up these pictures, my eyes fell back like DAMN. That ass. That's an ass that'll make any shit look for another exit because it knows it can't conquer that double stuffed mountain. That's an ass that if you try to bounce a quarter on it, it'll swallow that quarter and spit out a Quarter Pounder. If you tried to hit that ass from the back, it'll circumcise you AGAIN and I'm sure you wouldn't even mind it. When Serena claps that ass, even Zeus sits down and drops his lightning bolt. Bitch ain't playing around with that ass. Here's more of Serena looking like an HGH-taking pit bull in lingerie. | |
| Meet The World's Champion Masturbator! | Top |
Hit pause on your Anal Assault 19 clip, put down your Jergen's, and pull up your drawers. Masanobu Sato has got this. He's been declared the World's Champion Masturbator! He's even got a trophy that should totally be a bronze casting of a crumpled tissue but isn't. For you horny bitches who worry that your measly three shots a day in the stall at work might constitute a chronic masturbation problem which is going to get your ass fired when you're found out, think again. According to Kotaku, Sato's record is 9 HOURS AND 59 MINUTES. The judge needs to throw out GaGa's former assistant's sad-ass lawsuit and move on to this one, because Sato's dick has a better case! How does one's peen take that much punishment? The poor thing's probably in tiny traction by now with third degree chafing burns. Amnesty International needs to save that cock from its cruel captor causing it to dry-cum over and over again! Sato has a live-in girlfriend (!!!) who he doesn't have sex with because she's busy making dresses and timing his efforts. And weeping. Once you watch the vid, you'll note that their apartment is tiny. She must have an umbrella on standby due to his preference for porn. Yes, The World's Champion Masturbator has some hang-ups about sex with live girls. He doesn't even wank to live-action porn. He fucks his fist to hentai (NSFW) because girls are "dirty" and they "smell". Sato's lady and Kate Minor might have some self-esteem issues in common. Japan is an interesting (read - sucio) place where you can purchase used panties from vending machines, so this is probably no big whoop for them. One of their gameshows involves dudes racing each other after receiving enemas and riding bikes with the seats INSIDE THEM. How much is airfare to Japan from Boston? Check out Sato's story in the video below (NSFW). | |
| These Two Are Finally Engaged | Top |
Because your Facebook feed isn't already filled with a bunch of sappy bitches slobbering over how their pieces went to Jared and slipped an engagement ring on their finger over the Christmas holiday, here's another one to keep your heaves going. No, this isn't a picture of Blanket Jackson getting the life sucked out of him by a Dr. Evil on roids. It's everyone's favorite bongo-playing stoner Matthew McConaughey kissing on the mother of his 2 chirruns, Camila Alves, after proposing to her on Christmas Day. Today, the definition of "precious" is the image of Matthew getting down on one knee, pulling out a shiny marijuana leaf ring and trying to put it on Camila's finger with those tiny T-Rex arms of his. I bet bitch couldn't reach and had to use a grabber. Matthew Twatted this afterward: Just asked camila to marry me, #MerryChristmas Matthew and Camile have a 3-year-old son named Levi and an almost 2-year-old named Vida, so some whores are saying throwing these two a "WHY BOTHER?!" side-eye. But just because they already made two baby friends together doesn't mean they no longer have the right to ruin each other's lives by getting married! So I say, congratulations, and I also say, DAMN FUCK THAT'S A BIG ASS HEAD. It's almost like a Kardashian goiter. via UsWeekly | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Buddy Hinton - Remember this bitch? He used to taunt Cindy Brady about her lisp until Peter shut him the fuck up by knocking his teeth out. Do you really blame Buddy? Cindy was pretty fucking annoying and basically couldn't talk. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Chyna (40) | |
| Wookie Kardashian Is Kinda...Hot?!? | Top |
While MK is busy scarfing down some fine Italian cuisine (your mind WOULD go there, sucio!), J. Harvey and I will be here doing our best to keep the beautiful Dlisted train from going off the rails. Graffiti totally counts as fine art, so don't even go there. MK sent me a link from Socialite Life to this pic Khloe Kardashian posted on her website, looking pretty and skinny and BLOND several Christmases ago. (Note: my computer choked on the words "Khloe" and "pretty" in the same sentence and I had to re-start the bitch three times.) This was apparently before the whole "dye my hair to look like my sisters so no one will know my mom was a complete ho and fucked around on the guy I thought was my dad" phase. I have to say, she looks good as a blond...computer, NO!! Choke it down, bitch. She's actually the only one of those hos that I have any respect for (hang in there hard drive) since she doesn't take herself too seriously and seems kind of human. Enjoy tearing this pic of Khloe to shredded shreds while I resuscitate my pc with booze and bong hits. | |
| Where's The Peen? | Top |
Here's the first pic from the upcoming male stripper epic Magic Mike. This is lame, Steven Soderbergh. The only person missing a shirt is that stoned guy. This better just be the start of something filthy. If David Fincher can do THAT to Rooney Mara in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (omg, rape scene), you can slap multiple dicks in our faces. We're going to need realism. There better be some scenes of these dicks go-going down at the gay bar for extra scratch, and letting the occasional 'mo blow them for drugs. I'm gonna need some buttcheeks in American flag thongs, and guys who can suck their own dick to scare the bachelorette parties before this shit gets signed off on. There better be dudes debating calf implants and shaving each other's assholes. This is supposedly Channing Tatum's life story, by the way. I'm also signing on for this because I want to fuck him. Yeah, he looks like he's carved from Mortadella and has a permanent herp derp to his mug but I still want to slap it around some. Don't look at me like that. | |
CREATE MORE ALERTS:
Auctions - Find out when new auctions are posted
Horoscopes - Receive your daily horoscope
Music - Get the newest Album Releases, Playlists and more
News - Only the news you want, delivered!
Stocks - Stay connected to the market with price quotes and more
Weather - Get today's weather conditions
| You received this email because you subscribed to Yahoo! Alerts. Use this link to unsubscribe from this alert. To change your communications preferences for other Yahoo! business lines, please visit your Marketing Preferences. To learn more about Yahoo!'s use of personal information, including the use of web beacons in HTML-based email, please read our Privacy Policy. Yahoo! is located at 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089. |
No comments:
Post a Comment