The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- A Silver Fox Baby Might Be Upon Us
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For March 27th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Lindsay Lohan And Glee Kissed And Made Up
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Open Post: Hosted By James Franco As A KFed Look-Alike
- Lindsay Lohan Is Not The New Carrie
- Khloe Kardashian, Who?
- Alicia Silverstone Bird Feeds Her Baby
| A Silver Fox Baby Might Be Upon Us | Top |
Prolific philosopher, highly respected cinema thespian, skilled bikini car washer and gringa chola leader Megan Fox, seen here having a brain queef while wondering if her hero Nietzsche drank Miller Lite or Rolling Rock back in the day, might be carrying the spawn of David Silver (real-life born name: Brian Austin Green) in the only part of her body that hasn't been completely Botoxed: her uterus! Some source close to the couple (aren't they always a source close to the couple) has sent a shiver up the spine of humanity by saying that in just a few months, a real human baby will look up at Megan's vacuum sealed face and say "I'm" before looking at the face of David Silver and saying "fucked!" The source says that Megan barely has a bubble of a fetus in her body, but she's already told a few people and now the source is telling the world through Star Magazine: "They just found out and are incredibly excited. It's still early, so they are only telling close friends and family members. She has really grown in the past couple of years. Megan used to only be concerned with her career, but now family comes first." In all seriousness, Megan Fox is a stepmom to BAG's son with Vanessa Marcil, Kassius, and as far as I know that boy has never run to CPS to cry about how she's beating his brain by dropping her words of wisdom into his ear before bedtime, so I'm sure she'll be a wonderful mother to little Nietzsche Jr. Silver Fox. Besides this is good news, because Megan needs to be reminded about what her original face looked like. Two toe thumbs up to that! | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For March 27th! | Top |
When your dick grows arms and a tail, you know it's time to take the catheter out. - Orangina Runners-up: View of Snookie's unborn child being nourished by her amniotic fluid. - Lenalena It is nice to see Keith Richards using straws in a more positive way these days. - RealiTEE via Break | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| This bitch slapping goose! - One of the most important rules of life is that you don't mess with a memaw, because they ain't the one today, tomorrow or in the next life. The other important rule of life is that you don't mess with a goose, because they are demon bitches from hell covered in feathers. Geese don't only use their wings to fly north for the winter to terrorize a fresh new group of victims. They also use their wings as giant, flying slapping hands. If you come across a goose, don't look it in the eye and don't step to it, because it will feather slap you so hard that your mama will feel it. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Duchess of Alba (86) | |
| Lindsay Lohan And Glee Kissed And Made Up | Top |
FOX and Ryan Murphy both felt the lukewarm, whiskey-scented, Parliament-infused wrath of White Oprah after GOOP's character called her precious child "crazy" on an episode of Glee. White Oprah stumbled up to the front gate of FOX and nearly dropped the bottle of the Thunderbird in her hand as she vowed to destroy those hateful bitches for telling the truth about her meal ticket! Then White Oprah passed out on the steps and by the time one of FOX's gardeners woke her up by leaf blowing her in the face, she forgot all about it! Or at least I thought she forgot all about it, because there was no lawsuit. But look at what we have here. TVLine says that Lindsay Lohan is "in talks" to play Lindsay Lohan in one of the last episodes of the season. I'm going to guess that the only reason this is happening is because this is part of LiLo's settlement deal with FOX, as well as White Oprah getting 7 minutes in heaven (for her, 7 minutes in the 9th circle for him) with Matthew Morrison's nipple. A source tells TVLine that LiLo will be a "celebrity" judge at Nationals. This shit hasn't been confirmed, but FOX did confirm that Whoopi Goldberg is playing a drama school professor in several episodes. The good news is that LiLo is playing a judge, which means she'll sit at a table, which means she can read her lines off of a prop note card sitting on the table, which means she won't have to strain her crack smoke-damaged retinas by reading a teleprompter. NO, I'm sure LiLo has really grown as an actress since her cue card-reading SNL days. LiLo will totally write her lines in dot lettering with an orange Sharpie on the palm of her hand so it looks like freckles. That's how serious actresses do it! | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
A Bernadette Peters side-eye is just what I needed today and it should win all the Tonys - Lainey Gossip So who's going to come out and say that Amber Heard is like 2012's Sharon Stone - Hollywood Tuna Meanwhile, Peter Cook also weeped after his laptop crashed while downloading porn for 8 straight hours - Celebitchy So does this mean that MDNA doesn't come with a "Molly" tab, because that was the only reason to buy that shit - Towleroad Does Megan Fox realize how hard it is to scrub black paint out of white wax? - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather This is obviously a huge misunderstanding. Gerard Butler was drunkenly hitting on a dirty mop in a yellow bucket full of stank water and someone mistook it for Lindsay Lohan. It happens all the time. - The Superficial John Ritter's (enter your finding here after you study the Ritter family tree) gets down to her chonies for MeInMyPlace - Popoholic The What The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This Hall Of Fame - The Berry Add Chloe Sevigny to the above link - Moe Jackson The hobo hipster convention is in town - Popsugar Matt Bomer as "Cooper Anderson." No Comment. - OMG Blog NeNe Leakes lands a pilot while a foreclosure notice lands on Sheree's empty plot of dirt - Crunk + Disorderly Candice Swanepoel in UK GQ - Hollywood Rag And you thought pretending to have explosive diarrhea was a hardcore way of avoiding a job. You ain't got this on this one-footed crazy - The Daily What HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - Hollywood Rag Things that make me hate life: Finding out that a puppy is more flexible than me - Cityrag | |
| Open Post: Hosted By James Franco As A KFed Look-Alike | Top |
No, this is not a picture of James Franco in Socks with Sandals: The Kevin Federline Story. This is James Franco as a trashy Feder-wannabe drug dealer on the set of Harmony Korine's Spring Breakers with Justin Bieber's diaper changer, an unidentified ginger, some girl from Pretty Little Liars, Vanessa Hudgens and Rachel Korine. When this mess eventually goes straight to motel pay-per-view, none of us need to see it since we've seen every inch of this movie thanks to the ten million paparazzi pictures from the set. If Instagram existed in 1989 and a 17-year-old party slut from Florida had one, this movie would be based on that Instagram. And yes, it goes without typing, but I'd hit JFed until he poked out my PopoZao. (I don't know what that means either.) Source: Selena Gomez's Instagram via Vulture | |
| Lindsay Lohan Is Not The New Carrie | Top |
Stephen King said last year that he thinks Lindsay Lohan is perfect for the title role in the movie version of one of his books and he wasn't talking about Cujo or Dolores Claiborne. Stephen was talking about the ten hundredth remake of Carrie. I'm assuming that Stephen King only said that shit because White Oprah threatened to douse him in a bucket of pig's blood (aka squat and queef over him) if he didn't. Thankfully, White Oprah didn't get to the movie's director Kimberly Pierce, because Kimberly has cast 15-year-old Chloe Moretz as Carrie instead of 55-year-old-in-the-face Lindsay Lohan. Deadline says that MGM put out an offer to Chloe after Kimberly met with the likes of Dakota Fanning for the role. Kimberly met with Chloe last weekend and a quick minute later, a contract was dropped into her lap and she accepted that shit. Kimberly will now start searching for someone to play the Piper Laurie role. Rumor is that both Jodie Foster and Julianne Moore are being considered for Carrie's fun-hating crazy mom. I've always had a special place in my dead heart for crazy ass Carrie. Brats made fun of Carrie for getting her period and brats made fun of me by saying it only a matter of time before I got my period. Brats threw maxi-pads at Carrie and brats threw tampons at me in the gym. (Yes, my sister regularly got free tampons, but the plastic on those things hurt!) Carrie burned those brats to the ground on prom night and I secretly wished those brats would get burned to the ground on prom night. I know Carrie and this Chloe girl is no Carrie. Homegirl is not busted enough to play Carrie. I wonder what kind of Hollywood wizardry they're going to do to her to "fugly" her up. Give her a pair of glasses, put her hair in a bun and then use my junior high school yearbook picture as inspiration for the rest of her look?! Actually, that will probably work. | |
| Khloe Kardashian, Who? | Top |
| Because iguanas only eat vegetables and the fear humans give off when they lick on the dried apricot-face of their creepy fake husband in public for attention, Courtney Stodden is a strict famewhoretarian and so naturally she's teamed up with PETA for a PSA. PETA lost a waxed sloth bear, but they gained a lizard goddess! As she brings new meaning to the definition of "youthful sophistication" with her rhinestone choker and animal-tested frosted pink lipstick from Big Lots, Courtney pushes vegetarianism and says that she'll never eat a hamburger. (Bitch, stop, you know you'd bite into a cow's tit if Carl's Jr. paid you to do so.) PETA will literally take any trick off the stroll and throw her into one of their ads, so I get why they went with Courtney. But it wasn't smart of them to show Courtney talking about animal cruelty while a tortured Bizarre is sitting there, wishing that a ticket to PETA's headquarters would magically fall at his paws. | |
| Alicia Silverstone Bird Feeds Her Baby | Top |
Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blu, so you already know she's got bark burns on her arms from hugging trees so much. Alicia is strictly vegan, doesn't wear animal shit on her body and loves Mother Nature's creatures so much that she even takes feeding tips from them. On her blog The Kind Life, Alicia told the world that she feeds her 11-month-old son by chewing on some vegan food and letting him eat it out of her mouth. And there's video too! You know, there's a few hippie hos in my life, so I try to keep an open mind to their nature fucking ways, but what in the saliva stew hell, Cher?! I have so many questions about Alicia food frenching with her kid, so thankfully Fox411 asked a few experts to give us the pros and cons of this mess: Dr. Jennifer Landa, M.D: "There are those who think that a mom chewing a baby's food provides helpful enzymes from her mouth but it doesn't seem like a hygienic practice. Various viruses and bacteria, but especially herpes virus, may be passed from mother to baby. These microbes present a challenge that the infant's immune system may not be ready for. So the practice is questionable for safety, and then, there's a certain ick factor here that needs to be considered." It's Alicia's kid, Alicia's mouth, Alicia's chewed up food and if she's okay with her child spitting up drool into her eatin' hole, then that's okay with me and it's none of my damn business. But I'd probably have a totally different response if I was in a restaurant, eating my pancakes and watched Alicia put her food processor mouth to use by chewing up her food. I would not be amused to see little Bear's eyes light up as he tied a napkin around his neck to suck the food out of his mom's mouth. No. Take that shit to the trees, you Nelly Furtado ass ho! Flap, flap, flap! I think I see a worm up there. | |
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