The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Chelsea Handler Might Have A Sex Tape
- Only Brad Pitt Can Be On The Cover Architectural Digest
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 28th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
| Chelsea Handler Might Have A Sex Tape | Top |
| Radar says that they have a 10-year-old sex tape starring Chelsea Handler in their sticky hands. Decide for yourself how their hands got sticky. HOWEVER, Chelsea tried to ruin Radar's orgasm on her show last night by saying the "sex tape" is anything but. Chelsea swears she made it ten years ago as a funny skit for her comedy reel. But Radar is still standing by their story. Moisturize your ass with some vodka-flavored lube (please tell me such a thing exists) and read their description of the supposed fuck tape: The tape, which was made nearly a decade ago after Chelsea moved to Los Angeles starts out with Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment. During the first part of the tape, Chelsea is fully clothed in her work uniform. She begins by introducing herself by name before going into a stand-up routine before suddenly cutting to Chelsea and her male partner engaging in an explicit sex act. Chelsea, who is on all fours on a bed is naked and at several times during the filming she looks directly at the camera. Her breasts are bare and swinging during the sex act. At the end of the "performance", Chelsea's partner speaks in a clear British accent, asking, "Did we get the (bleep) shot?" Chelsea looks into the camera and smiles at this point. Then the tape immediately cuts back into Chelsea continuing her stand-up routine in her apartment. From what RadarOnline.com saw, it's definitely not a "stand up" comedy bit, and if it's a routine, it's the most X-rated routine ever performed! Breasts swinging around? Now who's got the long boobs, Chelsea?! I know some of you sucio fucks out there are disappointed that Chelsea's co-star is not her beloved porn nugget Chuey . Wipe the images of an armadillo humping a piece of turkey jerky from your mind. A tape featuring Chelsea getting her Pikachu pounded will always be classified as a comedy. You will never find it in the porn section. So Chelsea is telling the truth no matter what. Actually, let me correct myself. A Chelsea Handler fuck tape will always be classified as horror. There, that makes more sense. Here's Chelsea's response to Radar: | |
| Only Brad Pitt Can Be On The Cover Architectural Digest | Top |
| Brad Pitt and Angie Jolie need to start monitoring Maddox's cell phone usage, because it looks like he's been cranking UsWeekly again. I take that back. Maddox needs to keep on, because this shit is hilarious. The other day, Maddox forced his assistant Shiloh to speed dial UsWeekly so that he could tell them all about how his daddy thinks his arch rival Jennifer Aniston is a pathetic, desperate hag of epic proportions. Poor Shiloh got a cramp in her arm, because she had to hold up the phone to Maddox's ear so that he could file his nails at the same time. Maddox thinks only peons use Bluetooth and he doesn't like to waste a minute of his day. Anyway, a source (let's just play along) tells UsWeekly that Billy Goat Brad was fuming mad when he found out that Jennifer Aniston was on the cover of Architectural Digest . Billy Goat huffed, puffed, meeeeeeh-ed and stomped around. Shit got so bad that Angie gave him a tire to chew on so that he could calm down. The source explained, " Brad thinks she is pathetic. He was disgusted when Jen felt the need to parade herself in the pages of Architectural Digest. Brad feels this is all so desperate. It was a ploy to get his attention ." This is not true, but if it is Billy Goat needs to climb up a tree and shut up. If he's so mad he should get back at Jennifer Aniston by posing on the cover of Beanie Baby Weekly or some shit. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 28th! | Top |
| Somehow, I think Mrs. Pinhead always knew... - cs182 Runners-up: Michael Hohan makes his bodyguard wear antennae headgear so he can track how many media outlets pick up his Twatters. - Centaurious Just in time for BBQ season, the new GOOP weiner-roasting mask. It allows you to roast 20 weiners at a time while covering your face so no one can hear your bullshit. - starvis That's almost enough needles and pricks for Courtney Love to hit - fauve via Break | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Gail , the former Off-Off-Broadway starlet and breakout star of We's Sunset Daze ! Sunset Daze , which is like Jersey Shore meets the Golden Girls meets a Centrum Silver commercial, premiered on We last night and it sort of failed to make my pacemaker beat, but there was a bright spot in that shit. I'm talking about Gail, the glamorous theater star from NYC who now lives in Arizona near her sidekick/gay son. Gail loves theater and brisket, and hates the rodeo. But what Gail really loves is her timeless Peg Bundy hair, which her gay son tends to each week. Gail's hair is her LUNGS, HEART, HER EVERYTHING! Every time Gail primps her flip, she gets a little moist down below. Who needs Creme De La Femme when you've got a flip like that? Excuse her beauty is right. If you need to see Gail's coif in motion (actually, it doesn't move), her introduction video is below: | |
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