The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Tara Reid & Michael Assman Together Again!
- Open Post: Hosted By Willow Smith's Puffy Painted Ear
- M.I.A. Pulls A Wino
- This Is Every Layer Of NO
- Mad Mel: The B-Sides!!!
| Tara Reid & Michael Assman Together Again! | Top |
| A few months ago Tara Reid lifted her head up off the toilet and wet burped something about how she's no longer engaged to entrepreneur Michael Axtmann (that's "Michael Assman" if you own a jar of anal fade cream). At the time, Tara didn't give any details about the split, but mostly because she was still trying to figure out if she hallucinated the whole thing in a drunken haze. There was a rumor that Tara wouldn't sign a prenup. Well, it looks like those prenup issues have cleared up, because here's Tara and Michael in St. Tropez today looking happier than ever! And by that I mean Tara is trying really hard to defy the laws of gravity by not passing out on the ground ( "But the ground looks so comfy!" - Tara Reid). And Michael is busy trying to make out the penis print on the dude taking the picture. See, happy happy! I knew these two would make it. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Willow Smith's Puffy Painted Ear | Top |
| The " Triumphant Return of Puffy Paint " is on the list of things I hope happen before I'm cremated and turned into a peen ring for Anderson Cooper to wear the rest of his days, so it brings me happiness to see Willow Smith with puffy paint on her ear (Yes, I know it's not puffy paint, but just GIVE ME THIS!) . I could never pull off looking like a Na'Vi made out with my ear, so I'm going to leave it to the professionals like Willow here. And lately, Willow has been showing the likes of Foxy Brown how you do foolery the right way. I mean, Willow looks like a roadie for The Misfits who just got a makeover from Sue Ellen Crandell . That's how you do it. Here's Willow with Will Smith , Jaden " I'm The Shit " Smith and Noxeema Jackson Jada Pinkett Smith at the premiere of Karate Kid i n Paris yesterday. | |
| M.I.A. Pulls A Wino | Top |
| Since Amy Wino hasn't been launching saliva loads at her audience members during shows, someone has to do it and that someone is M.I.A. ! Brooklyn Vegan has a few pictures of M.I.A. lubing up a photographer's lens with her mouth jizz while headlining the Hard NYC Festival on Saturday night. When Wino ejaculates a wad of spit at you, a team of people in white suits immediately drag you away to a giant tent where the last thing you see before they put you to sleep is a bunch of your fellow zombie infectees begging to be put out of their misery. That doesn't happen when M.I.A. infects your ass with her spit. The sound of a car backfiring might suddenly sound like beautiful music to you, but that's the worse that can happen. And based on Brooklyn Vegan's reviews, it sounds like some of the hos in the audience wished that M.I.A. would've spit in their ear holes to drown out the sound of her set. M.I.A.'s performance, which some said was god awful, was cut short after only 4 songs. M.I.A. blamed the sound dudes : money doesnt buy u shit! i thought more money means better sound guys in america/\/\/\! i was wrong, the higher u go , they turn u lower! about 23 hours ago via web And here's an example of M.I.A.'s " sound problems ": Can these sound dudes please edit Mel Gibson's next tape? | |
| This Is Every Layer Of NO | Top |
| Foxy Brown was arrested last week for violating an order of protection by cursing out her neighbor and then flashing her used and abused nalgas. Well, the police need to pay Foxy a second visit for terrorizing retinas at B.B. King's Blues Club in NYC last night! The only thing this hotrocious outfit is missing is a pair of handcuffs, because this mess has to be illegal. Somebody needs to citizen arrest this bitch! First of all, I'm mad at Foxy for looking like a ground beef empanada that has been microwaved too long, because now I'm craving Mexican. Second of all, the dried up tamale wrapper she's trying to pass off as a dress is so tight that it knocked two of her molars out. I hope her dental plan covers that. Third of all, Foxy looks like a junkie hooker from The Flinstones who gives handjobs for poppy seeds in the back of the drive-thru (Actually, that sounds kind of hot). Fourth of all, Foxy almost painted a pair of exquisite eyebrows on her face, but then she fucked it up by adding that curl at the end. Now they look like two anorexic slugs trying to escape. That being said, at least Foxy matched her chonies with her nail polish. When else all fails, make sure your polish and panties go together! | |
| Mad Mel: The B-Sides!!! | Top |
| Mel Gibson's biggest nightmare isn't Hello Kitty (You know, because she has no mouth to blow him with. It's Monday.), it's a recording device! Oksana Grigorieva not only kept all the secret recordings of Mel giving her that sweet sweet talk, but she also put his voicemails in a file titled " Now who's blowing who, cunt?! " And one of Mel's executioners, Radar Online , has rolled out the first of many. In this one, Mel delivers the phrase of the day, " glum cunt, " tells OctoSana that she should go fuck her ex Timothy Dalton , and even tells her to get it on with another piece while her son watches. When is Mel going to put down the phone and write for hentai porn already, because that's his true calling. If you're sick of your carbon monoxide detector going off every time it hears Mel's voice, here's a few more touching quotes from him. It's basically the same old glum cunt shit: "Did you get my last message about me being a bad father, and Tim (Timothy Dalton) being a great dad now? You didn't hear that one? Well, you should go and f*ck him (Dalton), you know, you fickle cunt because I don't care." "Okay. The game's over. Let the new games begin so you can get it on with anybody else and your son can watch it. What is it? Number 45 he's going to have to look at? Fucking good." "You're a fucking fake. You're a fucking sham. You don't know what the fuck it means to make a man happy. You didn't make me fucking happy., I couldn't make you happy with the BEST I DID FOR ANYBODY, EVER! EVER. You fucking glum cunt!" If Mel spent less time blowing his rage into the phone, and more time blowing a bong, he wouldn't be in this mess! Whoever is trying to fully legalize the good shit in California can use these tapes as a selling tool, because Mel sounds like he needs a bong shoved into both his holes. And if there's a Hell below Hell, Mel will find it, because he just keeps digging and digging... | |
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