The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- ScarJo's Nipple Pics Were Meant For Ryan Reynolds' Eyes Only
- Chris Brown's Hallowpeen Costume Was Really Subtle
- Anderson Cooper As Phil Donaboo
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 31st!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Guess You Didn't Get That $500,000.....
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Open Post: Hosted By The Texting Bride
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
| ScarJo's Nipple Pics Were Meant For Ryan Reynolds' Eyes Only | Top |
Thanks to a hacker, who could get more time in the chokey than most rapists, ScarJo's titty knobs are just a Google search away from landing on your eyeballs and she pretty much shrugs off their existence to Vanity Fair while sticking a gold star on her cell phone pose skills. Yes, you know ScarJo had Ty Ty Baby in her head as she tried to smile with her nipple holes (smipping?) and work those angles. You also know that Ty Ty is probably going to do a ridiculous naked celebrity cell phone photo shoot based on ScarJo's comments.
While I give ScarJo a few spare points for sort of taking the Cassie route by saying in so many words "It's just a titty!," I need her to stop with that "best angle" shit. Bitch, your best angle should be the one that clearly gives us a shot of Ryan Reynolds' fully erect dick game. Seriously. If ScarJo gave Ryan the gift of her texted titty, then I'm sure he returned the favor by slapping a dick pic on her cell phone screen. "Where are those pictures?," said a million slobbering genitals. Either the hacker is not an equal opportunity pic stealer and is prejudiced against celebrity man dick, or ScarJo deleted Ryan's pics but kept hers on her phone. The next time a celebrity (not Sean Penn) sends a peen portrait to ScarJo and her finger hovers over the delete button, I really hope she thinks about the possibility of a hacker hacking into her phone and leaking said peen portrait onto the Internet for all of us to see. If she deletes that pic, she's keeping the public-at-large from getting some celebrity dick in their lonely lives. Think about this, ScarJo! Stop being so selfish! And yes, don't worry, I'm taking my tray to the dark part of the cafeteria to sit with the other pervs. | |
| Chris Brown's Hallowpeen Costume Was Really Subtle | Top |
Chris Brown slipped his duck legs into an alien bodysuit for his Halloween costume, which I can only describe as a "huge green dick slapping the word 'attention' over and over again" and Tweeted a picture of it with the note: "I don't think I can wear this costume tonight! Gonna change!" Yeah, Chris used a lot of characters to basically say: LOOKATME! I would say that Chris needs to have a seat on a Chris Brown dildo so that he can fuck himself, but humping on the spotlight by posing for this picture is keeping him distracted from the tampon that is obviously trying to escape out of his crotch. Shhh. Don't tell Chris. Run, tampon, run! Source: Chris Brown's Twatter via ONTD | |
| Anderson Cooper As Phil Donaboo | Top |
When the avalanche of HAHAHAHAHAHAHAs out of my mouth crashed straight into the Kardassalanche yesterday, my priorities got knocked out of order and I completely missed posting these pictures of The Silver Fox as the original Silver Fox (according to Connie Chung). I know, what kind of self-respecting crazed obsessive stalker am I? It's not enough that I'm currently reading The Hongray Games and picturing that Foxface girl as Silverfoxface girl, I should've paused everything and used my bandwidth on posting these priceless visible giggles instead. Well, as my slutty high school friend used to say about her period (aka a bloody sigh of relief), better late than never! So here's Mah Boo dressed up as his personal hero Phil Donahue for the Halloween episode of his talk show yesterday. The fact that Mah Boo as Phil Donahue looks more like a young Leslie Nielsen as Sophia Petrillo in a Schoolhouse Rock cartoon should wrap my badly dented soul with a hug of warm giggles, but I'm disappointed that his hero is Phil Donahue. Not because I think Phil Donahue isn't hero-material, but because Phil Donahue is always wearing clothes! It was Slutoween and Anderson completely covered up his whitecap chest and double white moon nalgas. Why oh why couldn't his hero be a trick whose torso is allergic to cloth and whose nipples enter a room before they do? You know, a trick like Courtney Stodden (who is obviously Mah Boo's REAL hero, let's be real). Boo at Mah Boo's Slutoween costume! But a special thanks to the lady soldier with the honey hair flip in the front for shooting airy hearts at him with her eyes for the both of us. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 31st! | Top |
That poor dental team really worked hard on Lindsay's teefs. - OurMissC Runners-up: The reason for Kim Kuntrashian's divorce comes to light: Kris found her last husband up Kim's ass. - LaChaylo Daniel Edwards unveils his newest statue- Steven Tyler's fall in the shower. - ISprainedMyUvula Out behind the dumpster of Carrot Top's plastic surgeon - Half.Mexican.Wonder The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly. - pad408 via Break.com | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Gul Dukat from Star Trek, the ONLY Cardassian we should be talking about! (Examples for why: The dude has a kitchen ladle embedded into his forehead and I lost count at how many half boner he's got growing out of his skin. Gul is ribbed for all of our pleasures.) And yes, I'll re-read this after I write my 529,875th post on the "other" Kardassian of the day. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Toni Collette (39) | |
| Guess You Didn't Get That $500,000..... | Top |
Because everybody but Papa Joe knows that a Jessica Simpson pregnancy announcement is worth about as much as a left-handed handjob from Captain Hook, not one tabloid magazine farted up the $500,000 he wanted for an exclusive so bitch had to give that shit away for free. In news that's about as surprising as Kim Kardashian's staged marriage falling into a trapdoor opened by Pimp Mama Kris, Jessica posted the above picture on her website and then announced the news everybody has known for weeks.
Jessica's poor child isn't even out of the womb yet and she's already embarrassing it. First, bitch tries to sell the news that it's moved into her uterus and comes up with nothing. Then she delivers the BIG DUH for free on the same day Kim Kardashian's divorce shit is being spread all over the media. And finally, she announces it while looking like a flock of birds made several nests in her weave after she got tangled up in my old nursery curtains. That fetus is holding its face in shame and won't let go until it turns 18. How is Papa Joe going to sell the baby pictures if Jessica's baby refuses to remove its hand from its face? Papa Joe's plans foiled again. I think I love Jessica's baby already. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: It's a half Halloween day for me, because I spent the weekend drowning in rainwater and rum in Florida and now I'm heading back to the land of black snow. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow! Whatever normal is! Now onto links: Doug Hutchison takes WHAT THE FUCK to Psycho-like levels by dressing as his 17-year-old bride Courtney Stodden for Slutoween. It might take your eyes a few minutes to realize which is which. I'll give you a hint, the one that looks like a zombie turtle trying to chew on a piece of lettuce is the goddess Courtney. - The Superficial Sophie Turner puts the ho in Pocahontas - Hollywood Tuna Be right back, I'm joining Iran's football team - Towleroad Why oh why didn't Eva Amurri wear her mother's Rocky Horror bra and slip as a wedding dress? - Popsugar Nicole Richie as a bite-sized and shrunken JLo - Lainey Gossip Justin Bieber's face twin turns on the damage control - Celebitchy The world isn't right when all those Ohio zoo animals were shot down and this beast still terrorizes the earth - Hollywood Rag A new Amy Winehouse album is coming - Just Jared It's like The Walking Dead crashed into a beautiful pile of gorgeous - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather If this Nina Dobrev trick is trying to get me to call her the new Jane Fonda, it's not working - Cityrag Katherine Heigl would be that bitch who shows up to a Halloween party without a costume on - ICYDK Bitch Goes Down: The marriage proposal edition - Videogum LiLo to get on her knees this Wednesday but not for the usual reasons - I'm Not Obsessed Well, well, well... The same day Kim Kuntrashian files for divorce, her wedding night sex tape with Kris Humphries suddenly leaks onto the Internet - The Daily What Marc Jacobs is going to try the acting thing - OMG Blog How many tarantulas were murdered and de-legged for AnnaLynne McCord's lashes? - Popoholic Eddie Vedder, just because - The Berry | |
| Open Post: Hosted By The Texting Bride | Top |
| ....And I bet this extremely elegant bride's marriage is still going to last longer than Kim Kardashian's. I mean, in this day and age the true sign of pure love is pulling your phone out of your bridal tits to update your Facebook relationship status to "married" during the wedding. via Buzzfeed | |
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
Why would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don't approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor. (Blind Gossip) I am not even going to waste two black bars on this mess since "the mountain of cash she offered me to fake marry her was dis big, so....." look in Kris Humphries' durr eyes say it all. This actor may be one of the stars of a comedy series, but their behavior isn't exactly making their cast and crew smile. The actor thinks that they are an expert about everything. The set, the lighting, the camera angles, craft service, the wardrobe, the script, table readings, and – worst of all – their costars' performances are all fair targets to this person. Their opinions are frequently negative and unwelcome, and are making everyone uncomfortable. Somebody's success has really gone to their head, and if they don't shut the eff up, they are going to have one very unhappy cast and crew to deal with. Plus, they should remember that everybody is replaceable. Just ask Charlie Sheen. (Blind Gossip) Just reading this blind item is making my nerves splinter the same way they do when I see Lea Michele's highly annoying face, so I'll guess her. Or Ashton Kutcher? To me, this one is kind of sad. This actress was once a B+. Hit television show, celebrity boyfriend, top of the world. Now, she is probably down to a C, does primarily awful movies and has been wandering aimlessly for what seems like a year. She had some really bad publicity about that time and just has not quite got everything back together. Well, a few weeks ago she started seeing this actor who is A list but probably deserves to be C list because his acting is awful and his movies never make money. When I say she started seeing him, they saw each other one night and then had sex about four hours after meeting. It was like love at first sight for her, but for him, it was just a conquest and someone or something to do that night. Our actress has always latched on quickly to guys and it is one of the reasons she has not had the greatest success in relationships. Guys walk all over her. She tells her friends that she blames her childhood. Anyway, she has been following the actor for the past couple of weeks to everything he attends. She showed up unannounced at his place once, but after his reaction to that she stopped. When he sees her some place and no one else catches his interest he will take her to her place, have sex with her and then leave. If he sees someone else he likes he just ignores the actress and carries on with the other. It is really kind of creepy and kind of sad all at the same time. (CDAN) Poor Mischa Barton... and... The Butler did it? One of the most conservative and powerful media moguls in the world knows all right? So, he probably knows that his much younger wife prefers women right? Apparently there is a big payoff in the works for her latest conquest. Things got a little rough and her conquest got hurt. (CDAN) Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng? I'm guessing the "got a little rough" part is about some fisting shit gone wrong. We all know how crazy Wendi gets with her fists. | |
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