The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- And I Say Haaaaay Yay Yay A A Haaaay Yay Yay!
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 28th!
- And Now, You May Eat The Bride's Face Off
- Open Post: Hosted By Teddy Bear
- The Time Demi Lovato's Weave Tried To Quit Her Ass On Stage
- Sexyfacing Like A Whore In Church
- Anne Hathaway Is Engaged To Some Dude Who Hopefully Isn't A Con Man
- Woe Is Brandi Glanville
- Two Beautiful Words: PEPAW FIGHT!
| And I Say Haaaaay Yay Yay A A Haaaay Yay Yay! | Top |
"Darlene Conner! Pull your hand away from Lindsay Lohan's probably STD-infected leftover!" is a line that filled the thought bubble above my head after this picture touched my eyes, because I swear on the box of dusty dildos in the back of my closet that I thought this was Sara Gilbert and SamRo walking the streets together. I know all those twiggy lesbians in skinny jeans and beanies look the same to me. Call me racist. But thanks be to Sara and Linda left some restaurant in West Hollywood yesterday hand-in-hand, which means they're totally clit wrestling. And by the looks of these pictures, that's all they're doing. Sara and Linda have been fucking so much that they don't even have time to bathe, brush their hair or do laundry. Somebody should tell Sara and Linda that they can fuck in the shower, you know. That's what a sponge vibrator is for. Duh. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Jakey Gyllenhaal is going to be an auntie again! - Celebitchy Sam Mendes is officially humping on the piece who was rumored to be one of the reasons why his marriage to Kate Winslet sunk to the bottom of the ocean - Lainey Gossip Kate Gosselin's face just naturally looks like that of a factory defected mannequin - The Superficial Whenever I see Chord Overstreet, it makes me miss that blond twink from Queer as Folk - Towleroad This is me at the club every weekend...and by "the club" I mean my living room - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather I don't know if this is Stacy Keibler, but that one on the bottom might be Juliette Lewis - Hollywood Tuna Too much ICK. NAST. in one place - Popoholic TOO EASY. - Just Jared TOO EASY, Part II - I'm Not Obsessed Barney Frank is retiring - OMG Blog Baby Bingham sees you - Popsugar You can have the 12 Days of Christmas and I'll take 12 Bitches Falling instead - The Berry Ann Coulter just sent this British piece of trash a thank you basket for being a bigger piece of trash than she is - The Daily What Barney is my kind - Cityrag If Pamela Anderson lowers her price by 99% and throws in a case of asshole numbing cream and Tommy Lee's dick, I'll take it! - Hollywood Rag Meth Face is watching you masturbate. Or is it Meth Face is masturbating while watching you? - SOW | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For November 28th! | Top |
(Thanks to Joey) | |
| And Now, You May Eat The Bride's Face Off | Top |
| No, this is not another video of a porcupine sucking on corn kernels. This is a preview from TLC's new special Virgin Diaries, which features two virgins, who have never kissed before, kiss for the first time on their wedding day. NOTE TO CHILDREN EVERYWHERE: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD MAKE OUT BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DAY! Do you want to look like a mama bird barfing up her entails into her baby bird's beak hole? Do you want to look like you've only practiced kissing on a cat anus? Do you want to look like Jennifer Aniston making out with the hand she painted a groom face and a bow tie on? When somebody kisses me like a guppy giving a tongue bath to a hermit crab, I quickly switch my face lips with my ass lips by doing a handstand, because maybe they'll have better luck with that. You know, we can joke all we want, but these two bitches found love and we're all FOREVERALOOOOONE! via ONTD (Thanks Marion & Beth) | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Teddy Bear | Top |
| In today's lesson taught by the Internet, we learn that when you try to steal a cunty porcupine's corn on the cob he'll attack you with cuteness by sounding like an Ewok furiously masturbating to Smurf porn in the middle of a windstorm. Adorable. I like that thing so much better now that it's not living on top of Kate Gosselin's head anymore. And I'm no porcupine whisperer, but did I hear that ho say, "Back up, bitch"? Somebody give Teddy Bear his own show! Better yet, auto-tune this and release it as his first single. Bitch practically sounds like Brit Brit but with more natural vocal talent. Viva Teddy! via SayOMG (Thanks to everybody who sent this in) | |
| The Time Demi Lovato's Weave Tried To Quit Her Ass On Stage | Top |
| Just like Brit Brit before her, Demi Lovato accidentally pulled a polyester tail out of her head (at the 0:47 mark) while torturing the masochistic ears of her fans during a performance in Kansas City, MO the other night. Demi fucks on Wilmer Valderrama, so she obviously doesn't give three shits about much, which is why she proudly waved her weave piece around and went on with the show. From the video, it looks like that shit got snagged on Demi's jacket, but that's not what really happened. That weave piece was trying to exit stage left. I mean, it probably thought it was having another coke-induced hallucination with all those disco ball heads dancing around. Not to mention that Demi's dressed like Wynonna Judd as a Las Vegas funeral director. There's only so much a weave piece can take! via IDLYITW | |
| Sexyfacing Like A Whore In Church | Top |
Just like every good Christian girl, 17-year-old Courtney Stodden gave herself tromp l'oeil cleavage with the bronzer of Christ and shoved her iguana feet into too-small prayin' heels to thank Jesus for clear bra straps at her church yesterday. You know, I don't go to church because the wine they serve is way too fucking weak, but if this ethereal Komodo Slut Dragon slithered in, I'd find a way to turn my pew around to worship at her suffocating feet and the 90s relic wrapped around her arm. God would understand, because when he created humans, he hoped that we would evolve into mortal goddesses whose prized possession is a Victoria's Secret charge card. Just like Courtney. I bet when the collection plate came around, everybody threw dollar bills at Courtney instead. Can I get an AMEN (and a police officer, because I'm pretty sure Courtney stole the purse my mom bought at Fedco in the 80s)? | |
| Anne Hathaway Is Engaged To Some Dude Who Hopefully Isn't A Con Man | Top |
Anne Hathaway just won't let those "Anne Hathaway is a big ole' lez" rumors be great, because she is now wearing a promise to get hitched ring given to her by a dude who looks like Alice the Goon in disguise as Ryan Gosling. Anne's rep confirms to People that her 30-year-old boyfriend of 3 years Adam Shulman got down on one knee, gazed deeply into her TEEFS (since there's really nowhere else for your eyes to go) and asked her to marry his ass. Her rep also said that Adam, who is an actor/jooree designer (HA!), helped to design her engagement ring (click here to see it if you care). Anne and Adam started bumping teeth three years ago right after she broke up with the Italian fiancé who claimed to be the CEO of the Vatican in order to swindle investors out of millions of dollars. Anne pretty much only started dating Adam so he could hump the memory of Raffy from her brain, but then she fell in love or something. Anne said this about Adam a few months ago, "I am very much in love with him, [only] Adam totally ruined my plan. I was really actually looking forward to a little alone time, and then I fell in love like a fool!" You know, Anne's bright white Chiclets are looking extra swole in that picture, which could only mean one thing: the ho is knocked up! (Just go with me on this, you'll thank me later). This means that Anne is in no condition to finishing shooting that Batman shit, which means her role will have to be completely reshot, which means Julie Newmar will have to be brought in since she knows the role. We've been saved from Anne's Catwoman! Our nightmare is over. We can thank Adam for that. Adam may look like a creeper whose eyes are so beady from squinting through a tiny hole in a public bathroom to watch ladies pee, but he's our savior! | |
| Woe Is Brandi Glanville | Top |
Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife Brand Glanville spent her Thanksgiving gorging on mashed self-pity and sweet potato WAAAAH, because she says she spent the holiday all by her sad lonesome self while her boys were forced to watch their evil stepmother nibble on grains of revenge in her feedbag. Since the word "private" is a foreign one to Brandi's ass, the slut pig (copyright: Kim Richards) got on the Twatter stage to let out a long, mournful fart about how Eddie got the kids for Thanksgiving and he's trying to get them for Christmas too. Brandi claimed that Eddie sent her a threatening e-mail about their custody agreement and she thinks he believes she's one of the reasons why The Playboy Club got canceled and so he's punishing her for it. These are the notes that floated off of Brandi's violin as she played a sad song for herself: @hatecheaters23 any divorce lawyers wanna give me some advice on a threatening email?Its like he is punishing me cuz he lost his job! LeAnn Rimes is usually the kind of War Horse that can't wait to gallop into a Twitter fight, but when The Babble (via ONTD) asked her to respond to this mess, the malnourished Falcor acted like barfing out private shit on Twitter is way below her even though she invented that shit. Until private, family matters can stay that way we cannot communicate properly and through a public forum is not the way. I have fallen short myself out of anger, but for the kids sake only try to share happiness. It's no one's business, our family business and since you will not hear both sides of the story no one should judge nor jump to conclusions. I do not know what has been said except for what I just read, but it's far from the truth, I will say that. But who needs words when a picture is worth a thousand stabs to Brandi's lonely pathetic heart. On Thanksgiving Day, LeAnn Tweeted the above picture of her, Eddie and Brandi's boys. This is the part in the post where I'm supposed to write that Brandi and LeAnn both need to shut the Tweet up, but I'm too busying trying to figure out if Eddie's Movember stache is hot in a 70s pornstar kind of way or if it makes him look like a 1950s Cuban plantation owner who rapes the goats when the ranch hands aren't looking. And here's a braless LeAnn showing off her Ziploc Bag tits in Malibu on Saturday. | |
| Two Beautiful Words: PEPAW FIGHT! | Top |
| Proving that you're never too old (or disabled) to beat a geezer down, two retired football players got into a cane-wielding, flower-slapping old bitch battle at the Canadian Football League alumni luncheon in Vancouver on Friday. This is what the Werther's Original aisle at Rite-Aid looked like on Black Friday. YAASSS! The real-life Grumpy Old Men shit started when 73-year-old Joe Kapp, former quarterback for the B.C. Lions, tried to give his forever arch rival, 74-year-old Angelo Mosca, former defensive tackle for the Hamilton Tiger Cats, a flower. Angelo then said the words his nurse said earlier in the day to him as she handed him a suppository: "STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!" Boom. The bell went off and the Beneficial-sponsored Pepawweight Championship of the Retirement Home was on. Joe pushed the flower against Angelo's nose and the two went at it as the audience laughed, because priceless comedy IS two old cunts fighting over stupid shit. The only thing missing from this mess is Betty White in a bikini holding up a Round Two card as Angelo and Joe sip Ensure out of sippy cups in their corners. A winner wasn't declared, but when two old ass hos start swinging their canes at each other, we all win! via Gawker (Thanks to Rose & Tom for sending this Metamucil mess in) | |
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