The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Megan Fox's Vagina Is Powerful
- Open Post: Hosted By The Magic Broom
- Believe It, Asshole!
- Not Olive Oyl!!
| Megan Fox's Vagina Is Powerful | Top |
| " Women always have a strike up on men. We've always got our bodies (if you keep it in shape) and we've always got the check to cash ." - A New Jersey flower from the documentary Wildwood, NJ Philosopher and feminist hero Megan Fox completely agrees with this statement. In the new issue of Cosmo , Professor Whoreface says, " Women hold the power, because we have the vaginas. If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female, you win. " You got that, ladies? If your dude is ever giving you lip, just pull down your pants, rip off your panties, spread them legs and show your vagina. BOOM! Game over. You wear the vagina in the relationship, so you WIN. All of the world's big debates should be solved with just a flash of the puss! And in case you're hongray for more of Megan's drops of wisdom (make sure to take penicillin after), here's three that'll make you barf up LOLs: Megan on commitment : " I have no problem with commitment — you can't have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won't look at him. But I can also turn that switch off, and then I collect attractive boys ." Megan on boys : " I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down. " Megan on being hit on by famous dudes : " It's fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game, so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own. " VIA MTV | |
| Open Post: Hosted By The Magic Broom | Top |
| This is an entire segment from a local news station in Alabama devoted solely to a magic broom that can stand upright by itself for hours at a time. Actually, that's kind of impressive since Lindsay Lohan can't even do that. Christy Burdett, the owner of a soon-to-be opened vintage store in Prattville, says she had to pinch her ass lips when she first saw the broom standing by itself in the middle of the room. When someone pushed it a gently, the broom bent a little and then stood right back up. And this is where it gets really crazy! When another person knocked the broom to the floor, they were able to make it stand again by placing it in its special spot. MIND BOGGLING CRAZY! If Christy tells us the broom can push dirt into a pile too, I will lose my mind! And then I will sell everything I own, move to Prattville and devote my entire life to worshiping that magic broom! When news of the magic broom swept (GONG!) through Prattville, bitches came in droves to witness its supernatural powers. When Christy's store opens, she plans to make the magic broom the star attraction, because she thinks it's good for business. Christy should do more than that. She should move to Las Vegas and produce a magic show starring that broom. I mean, if Criss Angel can do it..... VIA Videogum | |
| Believe It, Asshole! | Top |
| Embedded video from CNN Video Chris Brown is pulling the " Iz Had Amnezah " card by saying he doesn't remember Ike Turnering Alien Princess RiRi . In an interview with Larry King which airs on Wednesday night, Chris Brown said that when he read about the details of that night, he couldn't believe it, " I just look at it like, wow. I'm in shock, because that's not who I am as a person…I don't know what to think. It's just like, wow. When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't — I can't believe that — that actually happened. " WOW. Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW. Notice how he says "I can't believe that happened ," instead of saying " I can't believe I did that ." Ugh. How hard is it just to admit you're a dick, say you're sowwy and then lock yourself in a room with a therapist for a few months? Chris needs new people! When Larry asked Chris if he still loves RiRi, he said, "I never fell out of love with her. That just wouldn't go away. " Chris should just let See 'N Say do all the talking for him from now on, because he's not doing himself any favors by opening up his mouth. | |
| Not Olive Oyl!! | Top |
| Shelley Duvall hasn't made a movie since 2002 and the neighbors in her town say it's because she's too busy trying to keep the aliens from taking over her body. L. Ron Hubbard just jizzed in his chonies. So did Fox Mulder . One neighbor of Shelley's in Blanco, Texas told The Globe (via CM ) that she has been seen patrolling her backyard late at night, because she really believes her home is a portal for aliens. Another neighbor said that Shelley thinks she can communicate with aliens by flashing her car's headlights. The owner of a local hardware store also co-signed Shelley's obsession with aliens, " She mutters to herself and talks about aliens living in her body. One time she came in and asked for dirt and boards to block up a hole in her backyard because, she said, 'That's a portal into another dimension. That's where the aliens are coming in.' " You know, watching The Shining effs with my brains a bit, so I can't even imagine how it fucked with Shelley. That being said, the whores of Blanco need to stop blabbing about Shelley's boner for alien shit. Seriously, if Tommy Girl hears about this, he's going to FedEx Stepford Katie back to Dawson's Creek , head to Blanco and make Shelley Duvall his next beard! We can't let that happen to Olive Oyl! | |
CREATE MORE ALERTS:
Auctions - Find out when new auctions are posted
Horoscopes - Receive your daily horoscope
Music - Get the newest Album Releases, Playlists and more
News - Only the news you want, delivered!
Stocks - Stay connected to the market with price quotes and more
Weather - Get today's weather conditions
| You received this email because you subscribed to Yahoo! Alerts. Use this link to unsubscribe from this alert. To change your communications preferences for other Yahoo! business lines, please visit your Marketing Preferences. To learn more about Yahoo!'s use of personal information, including the use of web beacons in HTML-based email, please read our Privacy Policy. Yahoo! is located at 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089. |
No comments:
Post a Comment