The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- All Hail Slutoween's Forever Reigning Queen
- Paging Dr. 90210! Heidi Montag's Skin Fell Off Again
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER for October 28th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Elisabetta Canalis Is Still Talking About George Clooney
- Teeth Of Meth No More
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! | Top |
I'll add more to this Halloween gift as soon as I stop HAHAHAHAHAHA-ing from every one of my fingers. via TMZ | |
| All Hail Slutoween's Forever Reigning Queen | Top |
If the first lady of elegance, CoCo, really wanted to fuck some shock and awe into our brains, she would've dressed up as a fully-clothed Amish virgin for Halloween, but then Slutoween would've officially been canceled and every ho's inner slut would have to stay inside. Because the one-night sluts of Slutoween can't officially stuff their crotches into a Frederick's of Hollywood costume until they hear the period blood-curdling cry from CoCo's camel toe as it gets stranged with fishnets and a wad of Spandex. The cry was heard at CoCo's Halloween party in Las Vegas on Saturday night when she strut along the red carpet with thighs that looked like precooked Christmas hams busting out of their nets, and her suction cup nipples holding up a metal titty plate. You can say that CoCo went as a slutty hell minion with RiRi head and you'd be correct. You'd also be correct if you said that CoCo went as CoCo going to the grocery store. And since we're on the subject of Slutoween, I also threw in some pictures of superstar urinal Kim Kardashian making genitals itch and pores push out milky green pus at her Halloween party in NYC. At least she could blame it on her costume this time. | |
| Paging Dr. 90210! Heidi Montag's Skin Fell Off Again | Top |
No, this can't be Heidi Montag without her Mattel-made plastic shell on, because she already replaced all her muscles and veins with time release fake tan pouches and tubes filled with Victoria's Secret passion fruit body spray. This is the winner of every Halloween Heidi Klum simultaneously making Buffalo Bill and The BODIES exhibit dude rub at their foreskin by showing up to her Halloween party in Las Vegas on Saturday night dressed up like the human anatomy chart in my 7th grade science classroom. Or maybe Heidi is Courtney Stodden after she sheds her porn iguana skin off through the power of sexy face. Or maybe she's the state of Lindsay Lohan's career? Or Skeletor's lipstick dick after he humps the side of the ottoman for too long? Whatever she is, bitch wins at Halloween yet again. If you're fuck deficient when it comes to dressing up for Halloween, then don't worry, because Heidi is Halloween-ing for all of us. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER for October 28th! | Top |
I thought Lindsay's spread in Playboy was bad, but it's nothing compared to Dina Lohan's nude photos in National Geographic. - Datura Runners-up: This is why we should all pray Julia Roberts never mates with a Busey. - ISprainedMyUvula Tired of hiding and in need of cash, an aging Loch Ness Monster agrees to become the spokes-creature for Sea-Bond. - perky That terrible moment when Justin Bieber realizes that his mother was right. - ahtitan (Thanks Ines) | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| So many minutes of my young life were wasted trying to summon Bloody Mary's ass to the bathroom mirror when I should've just walked in front of the TV during my abuelita's novella-watching time if I really wanted an old lady to scratch at me in the face. But everybody tried to bring Bloody Mary to the mirror in their own way. The minimalists just lit candles and chanted her name while twirling around. We were not minimalists and turned that mess into a water show spectacular. We lit candles in the bathroom, splashed water on the mirror and chanted her name while one of us spun around and the other one flushed the toilet over and over again. Bloody Mary never showed up (probably because she didn't want to catch any butt germs that jumped out of the toilet every time we flushed it), but I'm sure we single-handedly brought on the California drought. Nowadays, if I want to bring on the real (and better) Bloody Mary, I just stand in front of the bar at T.G.I. Friday's and twirl around while chanting her name as I throw dollar bills at the bartender. Happy Hallowpeen, everyone! | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Stephen Rea (65) | |
| Elisabetta Canalis Is Still Talking About George Clooney | Top |
The confidentiality agreement George Clooney made Elisabetta Canalis sign before he handed over a severance package of bus money and a letter of recommendation for her next high-paying john can suck her taint until it goes raw, because she's going to spit out his name for more free press whether his ass likes it or not. Italian journalist Bruno Vespa wrote a new book about love and Elisabetta spilled about her time with George Clooney, because the only time a bitch puts a microphone up to her mouth is when the name Clooney falls off of her tongue. Elisabetta didn't really bite the paw that fed her fame and only had nice-ish things to say about George. People has a few excerpts from the book: Praising the Oscar winner, 50, as "the person who valued my feminine side the most" and "also one of the best people I have met from a charitable point of view," Canalis, 33, went on to say, "he has been a special for me, and very important, just as a father would be." The quote everybody seems to be throwing "YOU SUCIO BITCH" looks at is the "father-daughter relationship" one. Some commenters at People think it's gross, disgusting and weird that she'd label a relationship with a grown dude she took a strap-on to as father-daughter like. But I know what she's saying. What she means is that George liked her to decorate his head in a pink bonnet and spank him on the nalgas while shoving a pacifier in his mouth as she screamed at him, "You bad baby! You bad bad baby!" Yup, Clooney's the daughter. See, totally normal and worth the weekly paycheck. Here's Elisabetta's at the GQ Man of the Year Awards in Berlin on Friday night. Sadly, she lost the top prize to Jared Leto. | |
| Teeth Of Meth No More | Top |
Waking up to the crack house rats nibbling the pieces of shit and meth jank from her rotting butt corn teeth must have been the sign Lindsay Lohan needed to get her ass to a dentist, because she finally did and showed off her new Chiclets on her Twatter page last night with this little note: Thanks Dr. Dorfman for the zoom... My gums are so sore though! ZOOM?! Bitch, now you know you used that Playboy money from smiling your snatch on full-on veneers, not Zoom. If those aren't shiny white graveteeth covers, then that cup on her nightstand is soda instead of piss from a sober baby for future drug testing. I mean, if ZOOM could work that kind of miracle, then I'd use it on my bruised and battered no-no to restore it to its natural glory. It says a lot when LiLo immediately runs out and gets her teeth situation fixed after we all said that mess looked like baked pumpkin seeds out of a dog's ass. But yet she doesn't do anything when the public yells at her to fix her life and shit decision making skills. I mean, this is the shit she chooses to fix? Priorities! On a positive note, at least she has a new dazzling smile for her new mug shot of glamour. And here's LiLo at the morgue on Friday, breaking in her new veneers with a cig. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
For some of us drunk hos, today is the day we pray over a plate of bacon and ask it to perform a miracle by soothing our soul-charring hangovers with its drips of grease. And this sad happy story proves that miracles do happen. The Snoopy dog throwing you an over-the-shoulder look is Daniel, a beagle who is supposed to be barking at the angels in heaven, but came out of the pound's doggy gas chamber (Note: The words "Doggy gas chamber" is the not-so-secret ingredient in the making of a serious sad face) alive. The pound's officials have declared him a miracle dog and named him after Daniel, the dude in the bible who survived the lion's den. When a shelter in New Jersey found out about Daniel, they brought him up north and now they're trying to find him a home. Here's Daniel's story. Grab the Benadryl, your "allergies" are going to start acting up again. It makes my soul smile to know that Daniel survived the doggy gas chamber but then it makes my soul weep into a puddle of weepiness to know that the damn doggy gas chamber still exists. You know, in the olden days (just nod and go with me on this shit) if a dog cheated death they'd declare him the miracle chosen one and he'd become the new god on earth that we must all worship. So, join me in welcoming our new overlord, God Daniel. via NYDN | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Grace Slick (72) | |
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