The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Charlize Can Sleep On My Bed Anytime
- I Have Found My Third Husband
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Shit Gets Weird(er) With Katy and Russell
- More Drama Mama Moments From North Korea
- Presented Without Comment: Michelle Duggar's Open Video Message To Her Miscarried Baby
- Open Post: Hosted By The Always Demure Angelyne
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
This actress claims to be a natural girl. She eats a clean, mostly organic diet, cares about animals, and dabbles in homeopathic remedies to treat most ailments. She claims that her enviable figure and flawless complexion are the natural results of healthy living and lots of exercise. The truth is that her body has been stuffed with more implants and fillers than a Christmas goose. And, away from the cameras, her diet consists mainly of cheeseburgers and ExLax. (Blind Gossip) So, let's see, a bitch of the fake variety who injects herself full of non-organic shit but still claims she's as pure as a free range chicken's fart? This has to be GOOPY Paltrow herself! Just please tell me her beloved wood burning pizza oven isn't actually a cheeseburger burning pizza oven. There's only so much my preservatives-filled heart can take in one blind item. A "manly-man" actor who comes off as very macho both on film and off went on a hike with some friends last week in the LA mountains. Although he bragged to friends about his expertise in the wilderness, he had to be guided out by his wife as she gave him GPS instructions via cell phone. He was only a half-mile from his car. (BuzzFoto) I would laugh, but here in Italy, I get lost crossing the street. And my official guess is...The Rock? So, this actor is A list. Barely. He had a franchise but really nothing else. A couple of times he has headlined a movie since the franchise, but the results have not been good so I think he lost his tentative hold on A list and is back at B where he belongs. The franchise was a fluke anyway. It made some other people stars who have no business being in movies. I am reserving judgment on this guy. Anyway, he has a celebrity girlfriend which is kept super quiet. Not that it is private, just they go to great lengths for two not very huge stars to keep things private. More on his part, I think then hers. She could use some publicity. The thing is, our actor seems kind of shy about the whole relationship because there have been rumors, especially now, that he has quite the thing for the mother of the celebrity girlfriend. The mother happens to have had her own tentative A/B list hold on her movie career throughout the years. (CDAN) Zac Efron, Rumer Willis & Demi Moore? There has to be a good reason for why a pretty pretty princess like Zac would venture into the Kingdom of the Tater-Headed Trolls. Zac just wants to know the secret to Demi's "gorilla giving birth while having a seizure" moves. Four announcements coming up! You already know that the New Year will bring the arrival of a little Princess for this floppy and humpy celebrity couple who are both in the same business. But there are big announcements coming up for some other celebrities as well. This mixed marriage – where the husband and wife are in different fields – will announce that they are pregnant. They will hold off on the announcement until they are at the end of their first trimester (February). This good-looking young couple will announce their engagement. Their relationship was conceived in the office of their publicist/s, so don't hold your breath for a wedding. They are already scheduled to break up before the end of next year. While they are both attractive people, one of them is considerably more talented than the other. This long-time couple, both actors, will announce their separation/ impending divorce. They have actually been separated for months already, but want to sell off and split up their considerable assets before the formal announcement is made. (Blind Gossip) New Baby: Beyonce & Jay-Z. Period. No question mark needed. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Taylor Dayne - With lips as pillowy as Taylor Armstrong and a face only Fergie could love, this bitch's velvety voice spiced up your mom or your fat friend Debbie's date night back in the late 80s/early 90s. Taylor never really went away, but hasn't recaptured her heyday as the (more) female Michael Bolton. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Mary Tyler Moore (75) | |
| Charlize Can Sleep On My Bed Anytime | Top |
Charlize Theron has been a busy goddess. Between filming Young Adult, Snow White and The Huntsman and Prometheus, she says what she does in her downtime is mostly sleep, according to Showbiz Spy. In the interview, she talks about her love of travel, wine, and good conversation, none of which she has time for right now. Beer boy below may just have to wait. Charlize gets first crack. Ha I just said Charlize and crack, and of course my mind went there. Excuse me for a minute. Okay, I'm back. That didn't take long...I mean we're talking about Charlize here. So she also said "I love watching movies. I haven't been able to watch a lot of movies recently and I can't wait to go home and have the screeners come in and just couch up." GIRL, I am with you. I have a great DVD collection in addition to pronhub so we are SO on the same page. We can drink wine, have conversation (maybe "good" is not on the menu, but hey), watch movies (bow-chicka-BOW-WOW), do uh whatever comes naturally and then you can catch your coveted Zs on my pillow top king size. Just enjoy those sweet dreams and don't pay any attention to the woman under the silk sheet. | |
| I Have Found My Third Husband | Top |
And it's world champion corned beef eater Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti. This video from TMZ.com totally clenched it for me. Dude can not only scarf it down (ladies, you know what I'm thinking) but watch him kill two bottles of Manischewitz in just a few seconds. He even has them taped to his hands...now that is the kind of commitment I'm looking for. Since I am not a professional blogger (read: derr, I couldn't figure out how to post the vid), you'll have to click the link. I tried everything and now my brains have boiled and poured out of my ear holes. Thank Gawd he'll only care about my body anyway. I love my beer, but I can't even hold a candle to this. Step the fuck off Tara Reid, he's mine! Finally, my soul mate. If he can score the good shit, I'm so on a plane right now. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
How in Benjamin Button's Hell is Jim Carrey's new piece 24 in human years?! - ICYDK Slutty Claus presented to you by Kelly Brook - Hollywood Tuna I'm surprised dumb fuck Kim Kuntrashian didn't think that the Madonna Badger tragedy had something to do with Madonna getting attacked by a badger - The Superficial "Fuck me Louboutins" and Kristen Wiig go together like me and proper grammar - Lainey Gossip TEAM CROCS (not those kind of Crocs)! - Towleroad Is Jessica Simpson really wearing a T-bone steak necklace? - Popsugar If a heap of wet trash had legs and a vagina, it would look like this - Hollywood Rag Crispy Ronaldo has finally found someone who is more hairless than he is - Just Jared Girl who will fuck anyone on TV is in a bikini (and no, this isn't a Kim Kardashian post) - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Home for the Awwwwlidays - Cityrag Owen Wilson being Owen Wilson - Celebitchy Girls keep saying shit - OMG Blog Rest in peace, Cheetah the Chimp - SOW Beyonce is about to push out a King size pillow any day now - I'm Not Obsessed I hear the basements in Paris are lovely this time of year... - Crunk + Disorderly This is what I'll be doing in about 15 minutes - The Daily What Hilary Duff is entering into her eighth trimester now - Popoholic (Image via INFDaily.com) | |
| Shit Gets Weird(er) With Katy and Russell | Top |
Trouble in paradise? That may be the case, if by paradise you mean a squeeky voiced Muppet who always shoves her boobs in your face and a low rent 70's Cousin It from the planet Weirdo. A very respectable source, aka Us Weekly reports that Katy Perry and Russell Brand spent Christmas on opposite sides of the globe after having a huge blowout. No, unfortunately I'm not talking about Katy's implants. Us Weekly says "They had a massive fight. She was like, 'F--k you. I'm going to do my own thing.' Russell replied, 'Fine, f--k you too.'" Ah, romance. And couldn't they spice it up a little, like "Fuck you in your mangy flea infested beard" and "Fine, titty fuck you too!" Gawd, I have to do everything around here. Even their fights are boring. So after they exchanged the bad kind of fucks, Katie jetted off to Hawaii with friends while her hairier half went to Cornwall. They're still officially a couple but their friends are saying they've been at each others' throats for months, and it's getting worse. Maybe she watched some of Russell's "stand up" and he heard "Firework" and they got a big slap of wtf did I do with my life to the face. Or maybe Russell got tired of Katy always trapping him by his hair during sexy times (you're welcome for that image). But some people are saying that it's because Russell doesn't respect Katy's parents or Christian friends. Shocking, I know. Anyway, there's been rumors that they're headed for the big D. And Katy was not wearing her wedding ring in Hawaii...UH OH. Ladies, your prayers have been answered! Russell may be back on the market soon!! Look for him in the discount bin next to the dented cans of creamed corn. | |
| More Drama Mama Moments From North Korea | Top |
Holy shitballs. The North Koreans are taking their magnificent captor Kim Il Jong's death kinda hard. They haven't stopped crying. Here's some video of his funeral motorcade and you'd think Betty White tapped out of life. Sobs, people beating their chests, snot. Lots of snot. At :36, I think that dude just wiped his sadness mucous on that woman's hair. I hope he knows her. You can barely hear the cocking of the rifles being pointed at these people over their intense wailing! North Korea is a fucked-up place where their former leader commanded intense worship from his people or they were sent to special camps, sometimes for life. And we're not talking Parent Trap-type summer camps (although they might have held an hourly showing of I Know Who Killed Me as a torture method), so this grief is probably real. Or they're crying out of happiness that the muthafucka is in a box. Someone liberate these bitches, and explain to them that his insane ass had nothing to do with inventing awesome things like peanut butter. He was always making claims! | |
| Presented Without Comment: Michelle Duggar's Open Video Message To Her Miscarried Baby | Top |
| Okay, okay, maybe just one comment. My hotel room has a toilet closet with a bidet in it, and I'm totally emptying the minibar into that bidet so that I can dunk my face in the booze stew to try to wash away Michelle Duggar's creepy creepy voice from my brain. Wait and babies aren't a responsibility? Fucking awesome! I'll take three then. They always get you onto to the plane first. Previously: So The Duggars Showed Photos Of Jubilee Shalom At Her Memorial Today via Jezebel | |
| Open Post: Hosted By The Always Demure Angelyne | Top |
If you've ever wanted to experience the sensation of a candy raver unicorn's cotton candy pubes brushing up against your eyeballs as the strawberry-scented fart of a Strawberry Shortcake doll trickles up your nostrils, then stare deep into Angelyne's crotch. If I was Willy Wonka, this is the part in the tour where I'd point at Angelyne's down low goodness and tell you that's where the gummy cream in a Spolshberry comes from. When I was eyeball deep in tourists at the Colosseum in Rome on Monday afternoon, there was an absolutely stunning creature in head-to-toe leopard that could've been Angelyne's long-lost goddess sister. Bitch had a pug face and everything. This 50-something tower of pure elegance had a luscious mop of Clorox-ed hair that would leave bleach stains on your skin if you brushed up against it, a face that was so painted up that I don't think she's seen her natural skin in at least 30 years and an outfit that is definitely on an endangered species list. This woman was my EVERYTHING and has been the best part of my trip to Italy so far. I followed her everywhere and she gave me a show I'd gladly empty my checking account for. This bitch made her daughter (or "younger sister" as my icon introduces her to strangers as) take pictures of her in every setting. She'd stick her ass out, put her hand on her hip and give it to the camera like she was in a Duran Duran video circa 1984. The Colosseum has never EVER seen a show like this in its history. I couldn't even tell you what the Colosseum looks like, because I was so hypnotized by this glamorous beauty. Who cares about the Colosseum, anyway! I can see that shit at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, right? I think the one in Las Vegas has a bar and is air-conditioned too. Why stare at a landmark of Italy that will be here forever when I can stare at the leopard twin sister of Angelyne? I'm still punching myself in the face (excuse me for a second, I have to punch myself in the face again) for not asking for a picture with her. That picture would've been glued to my tombstone and all my dead neighbors would've been so fucking jealous! | |
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