The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- An Homage To The Glamorous Photo Bombers Of The DGA Awards
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- So Xtina Sang "At Last" At Etta James' Funeral Today...
- What A Precious Moment
- Soap Opera Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Euthanizing His Dog Friend
- BREAKING: LeAnn Rimes Eats A Hot Dog
- Rumer Was With Demi The Night She Got Messed Up On The Wrong Shit
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| An Homage To The Glamorous Photo Bombers Of The DGA Awards | Top |
At the Directors Guild of America Awards in L.A. last night, the likes of Jennifer Aniston, Amber Heard, Helen Mirren, Berenice Bejo, Christine Lahti, Clare from 90210, Laura Dern, Missi Pyle, Shailene Woodley, Fred Savage, Hunter "What Happened To Your Face?" Tylo, Jean Dujardin and Gary Oldman all exploded into fine dust when they were photo bombed by an array of glamorously gorgeous scene stealers. For some reason, the organizers of that shit made the right decision by placing the red carpet in front of the cocktail area and the background became the main attraction. Those photo bombers lit that shit up without even trying. How can Jennifer Aniston and Helen Mirren possibly compete with a "Nice try, but you ain't wearing a skunk tail boa!" side-eye and a Cheri O'Teri-like "Ewwww bitch, go home!" fart face. Aniston is the oatmeal to the photo bombers' cinnamon raisin. We're all pushing around the oatmeal to get to the real stars. With all that being said, where the hell was Phoebe Price during all of this? The red carpet at an award show cannot be rolled out until the ginger wonder rolls in for seat filler orientation. Chicken Cutlets would've been the dollop of whipped cream by photo bombing the photo bombers. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Jimmy Ray - Thanks to the Spice Girls' creator Simon Fuller, the late 90s was graced by the brilliance of a fourth shelf Elvis impersonator from England named Jimmy Ray. Simon Fuller molded Jimmy Ray into a skinny ass Elvis for our generation and with the charisma of Keanu Reeves and the moves of a sedated Buddy Holly, Jimmy Ray had a semi-hit (his only semi-hit) with "Are You Jimmy Ray?" That song was stuffed with more question marks than the inside of my head when I wonder about what ever happened to Jimmy Ray. Some of my greatest fap memories from 1998 starred Jimmy Ray. Jimmy looked like a borderline anorexic lesbian man nymph who had the lyrics to a Morrissey song tattooed on his inner thigh, always wore a mechanic shirt, smelled like pomade and menthols and rolled his eyes every time a ho compared him to Luke Perry. Just my type! I don't know what ever happened to Jimmy. Wiki says he was in some band in 2009, but he dropped off the face of the Internet after that. What ever happened to his ass, I hope that he made the most out of his signature pout. The bitch could pout! And with a pout like that, I hope he either became a MAC counter boy or a child beauty queen. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Adam Lambert (30) | |
| So Xtina Sang "At Last" At Etta James' Funeral Today... | Top |
| Let that screen shot be the warning label you need to stuff pieces of egg crate into your ear holes and hit the mute button on your laptop (Note: You can still hear Xtina's "soprano walrus giving birth while getting ass fucked without lube in a moving wind tunnel" yodel even with the mute button on). Etta James was laid to rest in L.A. today and Xtina was invited by her family to sing "At Last" in front of mourners who should really get their knuckles chewed off for bringing their cell phones out at a damn funeral. I'm surprised their screens didn't shatter into a million pieces when Xtina's throat pushed out a sonic boom. My dog is still clinging to the ceiling and my ear drums are still lying at the opposite side of the room from listening to that last note. I swear it's like her voice is hanging on a bungee cord. Bitch's voice runs in circles, jumps up, hits the floor and does all sorts of cartwheels. It's like an acrobatic dog on the strongest kind of speed. Bitch SANG and it's a shame she didn't sing the orange off of her skin, because she's a few shades away from looking like a deep fried Cheeto and we all know what happens to deep fried Cheetos: they end up in the gulch of a Spears. And Etta can finally rest in peace now that Xtina and her chichis are finished hollerin' and shit. But I do love open air titties in church. UPDATE: Thanks to all of you who pointed out the shit trickling down Xtina's leg and in my professional opinion it's either: a) Bitch is yelling her fake tanner off and the sweat caused it to run | |
| What A Precious Moment | Top |
What you're witnessing is the very special moment when a leased piece asks his sugar mamita for a raise in his weekly allowance so that he can finally pay off the CZ studs he bought with his Zales charge card. Or maybe Casper Smart is telling JLo that he made a doo doo mound in his diaper. JLo's eyes do look like they're being touched by a stank cloud of baby diarrhea. I really hope my first guess about what's going on here is right, because obviously his $10,000 a week allowance is not cutting it. Dude needs to hire a stylist so he can stop looking like Howard the Duck going to a costume party as a low-budget Bruno Mars. Here's more of JLo and her paid bitch at some photo shoot with Mario Testino in Miami yesterday. As my new favorite poetweeter Casper Smart says: to be continued..... | |
| Soap Opera Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Euthanizing His Dog Friend | Top |
Well, here's a giant cup of sads that will make you want to grab a bottle of something mind altering and hug your dog friend (if you don't have a dog friend within reach, just cuddle with a cat in a dog costume or bottle of Jack in a dog costume...) under the sheets for the rest of the day. Nick Santino, an actor who was on All My Children and Guiding Light, took the expressway to the heavens by downing a bunch of pills inside of his Upper West Side apartment last week. Nick left a suicide note where he wrote that he just couldn't go on after euthanizing his pit bull Rocco. Nick sent Rocco on a permanent nap, because his apartment building kept pressuring him to get rid of his dog. According to the New York Post, this is a piece of Nick's note: "Today I betrayed my best friend and put down my best friend. Rocco trusted me and I failed him. He didn't deserve this." Nick's problem with the bitches at 1 Lincoln Plaza started last year when they threw down a bunch of strict dog rules including banning all pit bulls. Rocco was a pit bull, so he was automatically a target of the building. The ban didn't affect pit bulls already living in the building, but Nick's friends and neighbors say he was still given shit for having one. Rocco wasn't allowed to ride in the main elevators and he couldn't be left by himself in Nick's apartment for more than 9 hours. One of Nick's neighbors say that she never heard Rocco bark, but somebody still complained about his barking and the building punished Nick with a $200 fine. Another neighbor said that building management harassed and poked at Nick about Rocco for months and months. Rocco's vet told Nick that the pit bull was becoming aggressive and he blamed it on his own depression. On his 47th birthday last week, Nick decided to say goodbye to Rocco and his dog was put to sleep. Nick called his ex-girlfriend at around 2 the next morning. A few hours later, Nick's body was found in his bedroom by the police. He had overdosed on pills. Nick's friends say that just like his dog Rocco, his remains will be cremated. Euthanizing a beloved dog friend you spent almost all your time with will fuck your emotions up and I'm sure Nick's were already raw from his building management turning his home life into a living prison hell. Damn. Living in NYC is no fucking joke. If I would've known, I would've told Nick to come live in my building since dog piss (not from mine, I think) is part of the decor and the sound of a barking ass dog (not mine, okay maybe sometimes) is our official soundtrack. | |
| BREAKING: LeAnn Rimes Eats A Hot Dog | Top |
Well well well... Just days after Brandi Glanville bragged about putting her mouth on an oily, half hard wiener, LeAnn Rimes practically did the same thing at a Mavericks game in Dallas last night. Is there any part of Brandi's life this bitch won't copy + paste onto hers? Bitch is as shameless as the sick dragon dog-loving porn freaks out there who are totally fapping to this and this (although, sh e might be gagging herself to skinny in the second one). I know the real story here is that LeAnn is not wearing a bikini (mark this day, etc...), is not Twatting and is putting something in her mouth other than her own fucking foot, but I'm going to ignore both of those things to say how disappointed I am that Khloe Kardashian didn't let out an attack roar before jumping on LeAnn. I've been waiting for a sequel to Mothra vs. King Kong for forever! | |
| Rumer Was With Demi The Night She Got Messed Up On The Wrong Shit | Top |
By now you've probably already heard and made a remix of Demi Moore's 911 call, and so I'm sure you've heard the part where the caller says that she had a seizure after smoking some nasty incense-like shit that wasn't marijuana. But in the call, the caller also asks someone named "Ru" what the name at the gate is so they can buzz in the paramedics. Yeah, I know your thought bubble is filled with the image of RuPaul pulling Demi away from the claw of the Grim Reaper by stabbing her in the heart with a syringe full of life juice (aka adrenaline) Pulp Fiction-style. But the Ru they're talking about is Demi's daughter Rumer aka Tater Head. So basically, Demi was probably doing whip-it hits and smoking some fraudulent weed with her daughter. In a T.G.I. Friday's bathroom somewhere on Long Island, White Oprah just lifted her head up from off the toilet and reminisced about the first time her precious angel dialed 911 after she ODed on NyQuil, dog sedatives and nail polish remover. White Oprah made a mental note to invite Demi and Rumer over for a mother/daughter play date. And as for that wannabe good shit Demi was smoking on, we all figured it was Miley's choice of fake herb Salvia, but Radar thinks it's something called K2 Spice. Just like Salvia, K2 is fake weed and some expert type says that it's known to cause body freak outs, "These synthetic cannabinoids have been associated with impaired driving incidents, attempted suicides, and emergency department visits, and have been linked to such adverse effects as increased anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, respiratory complications, aggression, mood swings, altered perception, and paranoia." Of course Demi's body busted into a seizure after smoking that gross shit. Our bodies are our temples and wouldn't you lose it, throw shit and cause a scene if somebody brought fake weed to your temple? Nothing gets you an F in life choice making like smoking fake weed and inhaling whip-its with your daughter, because you're sad that you're no longer fucking on Kelso. And yes, I know that picture looks like a still from a deleted scene in Toy Story where Mr. Potato Head and Madame get fucked up on coke cut with silica gel. Jaws be grinding. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
Dr. Susan Stafford, the original Vanna White! All this talk about how Pat Sajak (or Pat Say-yack as my mom calls him) and Vanna White used to do tequila shots off of each other's taints in between oil wrestling on the wheel (that's what I got from that) got me thinking about the original letter turner: Susan Stafford. Susan was one of the original beacon of game show glamour and premiere letter turner on Wheel of Fortune from 1975 until 1982. Back then, the winners had to use the money they won to buy stupid shit like silver-plated peanut bowls shaped like fishes and Susan had to pose with those prizes, so she's a multi-talented beauty! Susan left Wheel to focus on getting her PhD and humanitarian work. Everything you need to know about the pioneer letter turner is at her website, but one of my favorite fuckery facts is that Susan claims she SAVED Rock Hudson's soul by bringing in a Catholic priest to cleanse his sins just hours before he died. Remind me to not let Susan into the room moments before I burp out my last breath, because I do not want to spend my last minutes listening to some priest scrub the sin out of my soul with a prayer. That's a downer. Play me some Khia or some shit. That's the only prayer I need. Oh, and we should also remember Susan for this: I was so about to send a money order to that P.O. Box, but then I figured that if I want to wake up with a flatter stomach and a bed covered with a puddle of night shits from taking Nitediet, I'll just have butt sex with a few suppositories before bedtime. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Mo Rocca (43) (Picture via Boy Culture) | |
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