The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Lavender Champagne In A Lucite Flute
- The Hills Have Kids
- BABIES!! DIVORCE!!! AND JULIA ROBERTS!
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 27th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
| Lavender Champagne In A Lucite Flute | Top |
| Pour the coffee down the drain, put the meth pipe back in your desk drawer and tell your co-worker that they don't need to inject your veins with Red Bull this morning. Who needs any of those things to take them up up and away when you can sip on this sparkling drink of elegance. Yes, you might get HPV warts on your gums and throat, but that's a small price to pay! Here's the Empress of Lucite looking like a single strand of lavender sprouting out of an angel's asshole. Doesn't she just take your breath away? Again, it could be the genital warts in you throat blocking your windpipe, but she's still the most beautiful woman IN DA WORLD! You know this. And somewhere in Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth is sending her styling team into a frenzy, because now they have to find a new outfit for her to wear to church on Sunday. | |
| The Hills Have Kids | Top |
| From the same child pimps who brought us Little Jersey Shore , here's The Hills as performed by kids! Although, The Hills that is on MTV right now IS filled with children who droll uncontrollably, leave turds in the tub, can't chew on solid foods all the way and scream for mommy in the middle of the night. Maybe Little Spencer can teach Big Spencer how to pee pee in the toilet without getting any on the bathroom floor. Probably not. Big Spencer is a lost cause. And the little girl who plays Ceiling Eyes better win every single Emmy, Webby, Oscar, Pulitzer, Nobel Peace Prize, etc...etc... via Warming Glow | |
| BABIES!! DIVORCE!!! AND JULIA ROBERTS! | Top |
| People Magazine is blowing minds this morning with their Pandora's Box cover featuring Sandra Bullock and her brand new shiny baby friend. Yes, Sandra Bullock adopted a baby! Yes, Sandra Bullock filed for divorce! Yes, Sandra Bullock decorates her baby with a necklace I made in preschool! But one of my favorite parts of this cover is Julia Roberts chilling out in the corner like, " Don't forget about m e." And then baby is throwing her shade like, " Sorry, I got this, bitch. " So the hos at People Magazine are doing the dick slappy dance this morning, because they scored a double exclusive from Sandra. Sandra has adopted a 3-month-old baby boy from New Orleans. Sandra and Vanilla Gorilla started the process about four years ago, and brought him home in January but they decided to keep Louis a secret for a while. So that explains the trash can full of caca-filled diapers outside of Sandra's house. Everybody assumed they belonged to Vanilla Gorilla. You know he's into that kinky diaper play. Since Sandra has filed for divorce from Vanilla Gorilla, she plans on raising Louis as a single mother. Probably a good thing since I'm not sure how many school teachers will be pleased to see a kid give the Nazi salute during the Pledge of Allegiance. The details from People : "He's just perfect, I can't even describe him any other way," Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. "It's like he's always been a part of our lives." Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars. Their close friends and family – including James's children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret. Then, just 10 days after the March 7 Oscars, Bullock and James separated following reports James had cheated. Bullock says she is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent. A rep for Bullock confirms the star filed legal papers seeking to end her marriage, but declines to specify in what jurisdiction they are filed. Says Bullock of her decision to divorce: "I'm sad and I am scared." I'm sure Sandra kept Louis a big secret, because if she spilled the baby vom back in January, people would have accused her of trying to win Oscar votes by imitating art. Nobody would've thought that (yes, they would've) unless she adopted Tyler Perry. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 27th! | Top |
| Unfortunately for them, Russia could see Palin as well. - Vern Runners-up: I know how you feel, Vlad. Lindsay Lohan's milkshake had the same effect on me, too. - MissBegotten If you're experiencing a burning sensation on your head and it feels like you've slammed it through a ton of bricks then chances are you forgot to wear a condom when you fucked Courtney Love. You know who you are, Gavin. - starvis After the first successful face transplant in Russian history, the recipient finds out that the face he received was Larry King's. - fleawatch via FunPic | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Edy Williams, actress, demure flower, glamour icon and rhinestone activist! Before the Empress of Lucite, Chicken Cutlets, Johnny Weir and Jodie Marsh, there was Edy Williams, an ethereal goddess who carried the torch of elegance through most of the 90s. Edy is an actress who has starred in such prestigious and important films like Good Times, Chained Heat, Bad Girl from Mars and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. At one time, Edy was married to director Russ Meyer. Russ couldn't handle being married to his generation's Aphrodite, so the two divorced. Just like most A-list stars, Edy was also a defendant on The People's Court in the 80s after someone sued her because she didn't pay them for publicity work. The plaintiff was obviously not educated, because everyone knows Edy pays for everything with an air kiss. And one of her air kisses is worth at least $5 million. Okay, $500,000? Um, $500? Er, $5? Okay, okay 5 cents! But she gave him a lot of air kisses, so it fucking counts! Below is Edy's gallery of beauty. You should be warned that some of the pictures contain a goddess nipple, so you better keep the smelling salts close. Your genitals will need to inhale them. Also, you should know that most of these sophisticated ensembles were worn at the Oscars. Sigh. Don't you miss the days when women actually dressed like refined diamonds instead of haggard hobos who beg for change in front of the supermarket? And The Metropolitan Museum of Art better dedicate an entire costume exhibit to Edy Williams. Behold, a real lady! | |
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