The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Afternoon Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For December 1st!
- Open Post: Hosted By Matt Bellamy's Ingenious Disguise
- Mindy McCready's Life Is Still A Mess
- ScarJo Hates Blake Lively
- Demi Moore Is Getting Herself Some Of This
- All I Want For Christmas Is For The Grinch To Eat This Shit
- But More Importantly, El DeBarge Got A Grammy Nomination!
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 30th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Ben Affleck seems awfully calm and happy for a man whose head is getting eaten by a skunk - Lainey Gossip Daniel Day-Lewis' gallery of many faces is complete - The Daily What UPDATE: Demi Moore is not dating a completely heterosexual beauty mogul, because she's dating a completely heterosexual florist instead - The Superficial Stacy Keibler's 7 Minutes with George Clooney clock just hit its 5th minute - Celebitchy "Yeah, like I did!" shouted Marcus Bachmann - Towleroad Please tell me Elisabetta Canalis is wearing JNCO jeans - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather Baby Huey's pubestache looks like it's leaking - Hollywood Tuna In case you've ever wanted to see Today's Jill Martin in a bikini, here you go - Popoholic Joke of the day: "No word on if Kourtney Kardashian's wedding will be televised" - ICYDK Zachary Quinto's man friend is giving me fever - Just Jared Dianna Agron does her best Twiggy in Nylon and survey says....NO - The Berry My guess is: Lindsay Lohan's apartment - Cityrag Kate Moss as David Bowie - Hollywood Rag This boy just found a lifelong fan in Bridget Moynahan - Videogum Piper Perabo's face has taken Botox Blvd. straight to Kylie Minogueville - I'm Not Obsessed What is JLo's temporary piece doing to that Dragon Tale Twin? - Popsugar Kelly Osbourne as a fetus. No, seriously - SOW | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For December 1st! | Top |
via Poorly Dressed | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Matt Bellamy's Ingenious Disguise | Top |
The new master of disguise, Matt Bellamy, fooled everybody and drew zero attention to himself this morning after he plastic bagged it to take a stroll with Kate Hudson. Bitch looks like a low-budget Jason Voorhees. When you try to buy a sex mask with food stamps, this is what the sex store clerk hands you. Some might not agree with me, but Matt's not the one who should have a plastic bag over his head. Almost every movie Kate Hudson has made should be plastic bagged. But seriously, at first I figured that Matt was just trying to hide a massive herp sore on his mouth, but then I glanced down to the amphibian socks from the ninth circle of hell wrapped around Kate's hooves. It all makes sense now. Any bitch would rather risk death by Tesco bag suffocation than be seen with a troll wearing that shit on her feet. | |
| Mindy McCready's Life Is Still A Mess | Top |
Former country singer and current mess Mindy McCready has been arrested five times and has tried to off herself numerous times including once while she was knocked up. Well, Mindy made heads shake once again yesterday when an Amber Alert was almost issued in Florida after she was accused of kidnapping her 5-year-old son Zander. Mindy's mother has custody of Zander and she's only allowed to visit him at her father's house. But on Tuesday night, Mindy took Zander from her dad's house which forced The Department of Children and Families to file a missing persons (Dale Bozzio does not approve) report. A few hours after the report was filed, Mindy issued a statement saying that Zander is with her in Nashville and she never snatched his ass. "I am working with lawyers to try to get all this straightened out. I did not steal my child, as it would be impossible for me to kidnap what already belongs to me! There never was any missing persons report and never an Amber Alert. Florida police spoke with Zander on Skype yesterday to make sure that she didn't trade him for a meth hit. They gave Mindy until today to return Zander to her father's house or they might throw her in jail again. And because Mindy's file with Child Protective Services isn't thick enough, she's done gone knocked up. Mindy told the NYDN that she's pregnant with twins. The father is some music producer she's been with for two years. It really has been a shit week for fetuses. First we find out that Kourtney Kardashian is growing her klan's newest kash kow and then we find out that Mindy McCready is carrying two future wards of the state. But I'm sure I'm just being melodramatic again. Mindy's history has proven that she's an upstanding citizen, loving mother, pillar of all communities and a stable individual, so I'm sure those twins' childhoods will be nothing but teddy bear farts and rainbow hugs. Remember that episode of Celebrity Rehab where that dumb bitch Mackenzie Phillips thought Mindy was faking a seizure and started laughing? I feel like Mackenzie whenever I read about Mindy. I start to laugh at Mindy's crazy antics and as soon as shit gets real (see: pregnant with twins) I start screaming for the police. | |
| ScarJo Hates Blake Lively | Top |
The bland bitch battlefield is lukewarming up! ScarJo told Cosmo in their latest issue that marrying Ryan Reynolds was the best thing she's ever done in her entire life, but they barely spent time together and moving on was the right thing to do. Blah, blah, blah, burp, blah, blah, blah. But some source tells UsWeekly that ScarJo hasn't moved on and is a member of the "I Don't Want To Fuck Him, But I Don't Want Any Other Trick To Fuck Him Either" club. Apparently, ScarJo is not happy that Blake Lively is screwing on her leftovers and now she's having doubts about leaving him. The source put it like this: "Scarlett is pissed that he's not under her spell anymore. She realized what a great catch Ryan was." The source went on to say that Ryan would've reunited with ScarJo, but she ruined things forever when she tainted her parts with Sean Penn's prune dick. So what to believe? The words that came out of ScarJo's mouth to a magazine or the words from a question mark to a weekly tabloid? Or do you not want to waste any of your "give a fuck" rations on this. Yeah, the third option is the winner. Don't get me wrong, I roll out of bed in the morning for a good catfight, but this is not one of those. Sucking off a snowman would be more exciting than witnessing these two fight. Watching ScarBore and Blake NotSoLively fight over Ryan Reynolds would be like watching a rutabaga and a piece of jicama fight over cauliflower. And yes, I've seen a rutabaga and a piece of jicama fight over cauliflower thanks to a few bong hits. (SPOILER ALERT: the rutabaga always wins) | |
| Demi Moore Is Getting Herself Some Of This | Top |
AssStain Kutcher is barebacking his way through the cream of Iowa's whore crop, but Demi Moore is the one who's winning the rebound game by getting glitter bombed every single night. What you're looking at is not only what you get when you morph Donny Osmond, Eric McMormick and Sal from Mad Men together. This is also the gaydar-breaking beauty who is leaving a thin layer of juicy fruit nectar on Demi's lips when he blows her an air kiss after each date. Radar is trying to say that Demi has been dating beauty mogul (FYI: beauty moguls don't only exist in soap operas and late-80s movies) Scott-Vincent Borba for about a week now. So when Demi tells her friends that Scott gave her a hot facial last night, she really means that he scrubbed her dead skin off with honeycomb bits and lavendar-scented sea salt. (Although, I wouldn't be surprised if Scott-Vincent cums honeycomb bits and lavendar-scented sea salt.) Radar's source had this to say about Demi's new "romance": "Demi and Scott-Vincent started dating last week. They have known each other a long time and he's really been there for her by her side through the whole Ashton thing. It's easy for Scott-Vincent to keep his relationships a secret because he's so often photographed hanging out with celebrity clientele. But he's head over heels for Demi and there's definitely potential for a lasting relationship between them." Getting with an immaculately groomed gaydonis whose sugar walls are sweeter than theirs didn't work for Star Jones and Liza Minnelli, but that doesn't mean it can't work for Demi. I've always believed that somewhere over the rainbow, a cougar's true soulmate awaits. I, for one, am dripping with jealousy. Scott-Vincent's eyebrows are so exquisitely beautiful that it's a shame they don't wiggle around like a tongue, because it would be nice to get some reciprocation when you make out with them. Not only that, but Demi gets to slip into a warm dream fantasy after Scott-Vincent serenades her with this at bedtime: In case you haven't already figured it out, that tingly sensation you're feeling down below is just your b-hole winking at this video. | |
| All I Want For Christmas Is For The Grinch To Eat This Shit | Top |
| In 1994, two things happened: Mimi released the Christmas song that will be played in every single store from October to January for centuries to come, and a surrogate Canadian beaver gave birth to Usher's daughter. Cut to 17 years later, those two things have come together to turn your eardrums into wet coal. The rotten eggnog of a video for Justin Bieber and Mimi's remix of "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is pretty much just a shameless commercial for Macy's and a public service announcement for why trying to hit high notes while going through puberty is not a good idea. I can practically hear Justin's balls drop and pop up again with each note and that's not right. That's not Christmas. Never mind that Mimi's spreading some HO HO HO shit on the fake stone wall that your elementary school used in every holiday pageant, why does Justin look like the mom from Webster (or like a live mannequin in Talbots' window)? The only thing that saves this shit is the PUPPY!!! at the end who temporarily distracts you from the bleak scene Mimi and The Lesbeaver are giving us. That end scene looks like a final days Mae West picking up boys at the local junior high school. WHY, MIMI, WHY? (answer: $$$) via Vulture | |
| But More Importantly, El DeBarge Got A Grammy Nomination! | Top |
Kanye West's CAPS LOCK key has scurried down into his MacBook Air fearing the rantpocolypse he will unleash over not being nominated for Album of the Year, but the 80s ho in me has grown a thinstache of happiness over El DeBarge finally getting the recognition he deserves! If it was up to only me, the Grammys next year would have a 1986 theme and every award would go to El, but I guess him getting one nomination this year is better than nothing. El DeBarge's mommy Prince (you cannot convince that Prince didn't butt birth El DeBarge under a cherry moon) must be so proud. So, the Grammy nominations were announced last night during a completely pointless concert (see pictures from that mess blow including one of Lady CaCa as an electrocuted Taylor Momsen) and Kanye got the most with 7 (but no Album or Record of the Year) and Adele came in second with 6. You know, I don't even know why they're bothering with a Grammy ceremony. Just back up Adele's pick-up truck into the loading dock, toss every single trophy in there and shove a solid gold pacifier into Kanye's rant hole so he doesn't hijack the truck before she drives away. Really, it's the fucking Adeleys this year. If you want to read all of the nominations, take the rest of the day and shoot meth directly into your eyeball veins, because it's going to take you at least 35 hours to get through all 500,000 categories. Here's just a few of them (HAHA at Taylor Swift). Album Of The Year: Record Of The Year: Best New Artist: Song Of The Year: Best Pop Solo Performance Best Pop Duo/Group Performance: Best Dance Recording: Best Rock Performance: Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance: Best Rock Album: Best Alternative Music Album: Best Traditional R&B Performance: Best R&B Album: Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: Best Rap Performance: Best Country Solo Performance: Best Country Song: Best Comedy Album: | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 30th! | Top |
What energy crisis? If we put one of these in front of K-Fed on a treadmill he could easily out power the Sun. - cs182 Runners-up: Looks like Jessica Simpson just gave birth. - Sandbitch Beyoncé's so smart! if you're going for a fake baby bump, might as well be able to eat it for Christmas, dammit. - Emeriesan via Break.com | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| It's been way too long since we've had a two-legged pig from China as a Hot Slut, so without further adieu, here's another two-legged pig from China who puts Babe and all those other basic pigs to shame. It's the Heather Mills of pigs (I know, that's redundant) but with more talent! Hopefully, his impressive Porque du Soleil hamstand will hypnotize the villagers into forgetting to turn him into delicious bacon. (And now I want bacon. I'm the problem.) via Arbroath | |
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