The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Keep On Napping Til The World Ends | Top |
| Britney Spears' Good Morning America mini-show aired today and I've seen her use more energy when walking to the car with a Venti Frapp in her hand. This was the laziest LIP SYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE I evah did see. Brit, you will not be returning to the Interior Illusions Lounge so please pack up your tuck and go (wrong show?). And yes, you fu(censored)ed it up. The chances of Brit Brit singing live are about as slim as me making sense in a post. It's not going to happen, so just deal with it. Because Brit isn't using her energy on making her vocal cords yodel, one might think she'd put her all into dancing. Yeah, check NEGATIVE on that box too. When Brit kept mouthing the words " Would you hold it against me?, " I kept waiting for medical technicians to come out and hold defibrillator pads against her. Maybe that will pump some life into her rock hard boner bones. Brit was moving like an animatronic robot whose Dollar Store batteries are about to go dead. But you know, it's wrong of me to think this. BRIT BRIT must be exhausted. Think of all the hours, focus and raw emotions she spent on writing the songs for her new album! Oh, you say she didn't write any of those songs? Okay, think of how she sang her weave tracks off in the recording studio and poured her heart out! Oh, you say that's not her voice. You say it's the chipmunk-ized voice of an analog answering machine from 1987? Oh, okay. Well, think of how she had to order a Frapp Kegi at Starbucks every single morning before going to the studio to listen to songs. SEE! Brit has earned the right to cacka mosey mosey mosey through a pre-taped performance! She's got a lot on her mind (like ten pounds of Falcor hair). If the Ambien injection above already wore off, here's another one: And another one. This one is extra-strength, so stay away from operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery after viewing. | |
| Blind Item Solved? | Top |
| A few days ago, there was a blind item about how an A turned C list music star is getting heat from her label to whore herself out for record sales by doing some ESCANDALOSO shit. The blind item said that if the singer refused to do this, the label was going to do it for her and leak pictures of her in some compromising positions. At the time I was really hoping it would be Dionne Warwick, because you know she throws an extra-special cunt eye royale when she's got her seasoned goods out. Well, I gotta keep rubbing that lamp, because my wish is not going to come true this time. It looks like the answer is the broke down mess herself XTINA ! If you guessed Xtina, come on down and collect your prize of nothing! Radar reports that hundreds of R-rated pictures of Xtina partaking in some lukewarm ho shit at Nicole Richie's party in Cabo and in bed with her leased whore Matt Rutler are making the rounds. The pictures from June to November 2010 are up for sale and the pimp is an unnamed dude who claims they were found on a memory card left in a fancy hotel in France where Xtina stayed. Radar, who has seen the pictures, makes it sound like you could see more slutiness on your auntie's Facebook page. No lipstick-covered labia. No feeding her bare nipples with a JD bottle. None of that! This takes the extra R out of Dirrty. Here's what Radar says some of the pictures show: 1. Xtina and Matt kissing in a bed. Escandalo rating: zero out of 5 lipstick prints 2. Xtina with two naked man strippers at Nicole Richie's party. Escandalo rating : half of a faded lipstick print 3. Xtina pretending to suck off a dildo held by some dude. Escandalo rating : 1 lipstick print diluted with a splash of tap water 4. Xtina sucking off a chocolate covered banana in some theme park. Escandalo rating: 3/4th of a lipstick print on a plastic cup full of Mountain Dew 5. Xtina SANS FARDS Escandalo rating : 50 OUT OF 5 LIPSTICK PRINTS! Wash out everything I wrote above #5 with make-up remover, because I take it all back! Pictures of Xtina without make-up on? I did not know this was possible! This is something that not even Planet Earth was able to capture! A producer and a camera man camped out in her bathroom for 5 months and they never witnessed the wild Xtina in her unnatural state! Don't let those pictures of Xtina without make-up fool you. Remember that make-up mask Jane Jetson wore whenever she answered the video phone in the morning? Xtina wears one of those to throw people off. Except it's a SANS FARDS mask. Yup, she's got a face full of paint underneath that. If this picture gets out, it will ruin her for good. She'll never be able to show her face in the MAC store in her basement again! | |
| Why, Hello There, Rob Lowe | Top |
| Let's not focus on the fact that Rob Lowe's hair is giving me flashes of Justin Bieber's sophomore mop. Let's redirect on our energy on the fact that it's been a while since we've seen Rob Lowe's nipples and barely there patch of chest fur in a magazine. So take off your pants and get your horny out like it's the night before the Democratic National Convention . But Rob isn't only on the cover of Vanity Fair so that you can get reacquainted with his happy trail and bust out a reunited scoot on this picture. Ro Blow is also peddling an autobiography called " Stories I Only Tell My Friends." Rob read a few passages for VF's podcast and included a couple of stories about shooting The Outsiders with Tom Cruise and Charlie Sheen . And guess what? Our Tommy Girl was always as methodical as a serial killing robot with OCD. From Vanity Fair: During the first round of auditions in Los Angeles, Lowe writes of meeting Tom Cruise, then a houseguest of the Sheens: "He's open, friendly, funny, and has an almost robotic, bloodless focus and an intensity that I've never encountered before." In New York for the second round of auditions, Lowe finds that Cruise is "already showing traits that will make him famous; he's zeroed in like a laser." "We check into the Plaza Hotel. I am taken aback at the luxury and spectacle of the lobby…. The front desk tells us we will be sharing rooms," Lowe writes of the actors' arrival in the Big Apple. "In a flash, Cruise is on the phone to his agent, Paula Wagner. 'Paula, they are making us share,' he says…. The rest of us are staggering around like happy goofs….. 'O.K., then. Thank you very much,' he says like a 50-year-old businessman getting off the phone with his stockbroker. 'Paula says it's fine.' " Lowe remembers hanging out with Cruise and the other actors in a gymnasium on set, when Patrick Swayze—who, Lowe writes, "makes Tom Cruise look lobotomized"—"begins to teach us a standing backflip…. When it comes to flips, I'm a pussy. I don't flip. I don't even dive into a pool—straight cannonball for me…. No, thanks. Cruise, not surprisingly, is all over it. 'How about this!' he says, almost pulling it off without even being spotted. He wipes out, but tries it again immediately." Tommy is even careful about how he spends his ass orgasms!!! Tommy called up Paula to make sure that he was in fact sharing a fancy hotel room with a bunch of hot pieces of man meat. Once Paula confirmed this by transmitting an updated patch into his hard-drive through the phone lines, Tommy then allowed himself to bust a butt nut in his Underoos. Now that we've gotten that TG tidbit out of the way, you can go back to gazing into Rob Lowe's nips. No one is looking so go ahead and brush Rob's pixel nips with your eyelashes. If someone does catch you, just tell them that you're using your God given natural dusters to dust your monitor. | |
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