The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Katie Holmes Can't Say "Penis" | Top |
| While pushing that Kennedys miniseries on Ellen , Katie Holmes brought up the paparazzi picture of Suri Cruise holding a box of Penis Gummies at Serendipity in NYC. Most of figured that Suri was just being a mindful daughter by bringing her daddy something she always sees in his candy drawer. Stepford Katie says that she thought they were Swedish Fish at first and no she wasn't making a Britt Ekland vagina joke. No. Katie also couldn't bring her lips to push out the word PENIS without spelling it letter by letter. Katie lets Suri wear high heels and takes her out at midnight, but yet she doesn't want her to hear the word PENIS?! But you know, Katie has a really good reason for that. She knows that if she says " penis " out loud, there's a really good chance the ground will shake, lube bottles will roll and Tommy Girl's Scientolohole will come galloping out and chopping at the bit. Katie is just playing it safe. And here's what she had to say about that box of Gummy Bear dicks (via HuffPo ): "Recently, I took her to get ice cream in New York at this place called Serendipity that we go to all the time. It's for kids. The clientele is children. We go in and we are waiting for a table and she grabs some gummies that are boy part gummies. I was horrified. They are called p-e-n-i-s gummies and they look like it. She was holding the box and I was like ok, wow we don't need that right now. Because I thought if I said put that back and then she's going to say, what is this? And I really didn't want to have that conversation. I was like, why are selling these here? This is for kids. And then it was on the cover of a magazine that I'm giving her those gummies." Did anybody ever think that maybe Katie had no idea what a P-E-N-I-S looks like? It's not like she runs into them all the time in her daily life. I bet one of her handlers had to pull her aside and give her "the talk " right there. It's an honest mistake. | |
| Hollywood Is Trying To Destroy Us All | Top |
| Get your bomb shelter ready, because the secret ingredients in a missile powerful enough to shoot through the center of the earth might be put together by the satanists in Hollywood. The Los Angeles Times has it on good authority that the Bieb has hopped on his Big Wheel and is circling around a "buddy comedy " co-starring Ashton Kutcher. The Bieb and Ashton are not bringing out their true lesbian selves in a big-screen version of Cagney & Lacey (Hollywood is not THAT smart). This buddy comedy involves holograms not of the Jem! variety. This soon-to-be soul killing mess is titled "What Would Kenny Do?" and is about a 17-year-old who meets a hologram claiming to be his 30-something year old self. The hologram helps the Bieber weave through the ups and downs of high school. Millions of toddlers emptied their penny jars out to buy a ticket for the Bieber's Never Say Never documentary, so Sony believes he can carry a movie. And since The Lesbeaver and Ashton both have hair that will look better on Ellen Page, producers think they are perfect together. Bieber and Ashton already have somewhat of a working relationship after they met to discuss the possibility of the former hosting an updated version of Punk'd . Ashton + Bieber + Holograms = Do Not Want. Type that equation into any calculator and you'll get the same answer. I mean, was a newly christened douche bottle not available to play Ashton's younger self? The image of Justin Bieber and a Hologram Ashton Kutcher bonding in a high school gym locker room is most likely what Calvin Tran saw when he uttered the classic words: " Oh here go hell come ." | |
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