The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- This Dumb Trick: Lindsay Lohan Will Stop Hurricane Sally (Or Whatever That Ho's Name Is) With The Power Of Prayer!
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 26th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- My Thoughts Exactly, Shiloh
- So I Guess Xtina Dressed Up As Herself For Halloween This Year
- The Deadliest Snatch
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- This Is The Face Of A Man Who Once Had Butt Sex With A Coke Pill
| This Dumb Trick: Lindsay Lohan Will Stop Hurricane Sally (Or Whatever That Ho's Name Is) With The Power Of Prayer! | Top |
Hundreds of thousands of people have been told to evacuate, an 11-foot wall of water is supposed to crash into Manhattan and millions of people are furiously searching the Internet while they still can for ways to make a satellite dish and TV out of tin foil and fish bones (because they can't miss American Horror Story on Wednesday night, DUH), but Lindsay Lohan wants everyone to stop bitching and crying about Hurricane Sally Jessy Raphael. (Don't hate Blohan for not remembering Sandy's name. You know how bad crackheads are at remembering anything.) Right before LiLo, whose brain was destroyed a long time ago by Hurricane Cokey, begged Lady CaCa to pay attention to her, she told all of her followers to stop being so dramatic and use positive thinking to ward the hurricane away. I can see it now. There's LiLo, wasted out of her mind, sitting on her living room floor and rambling to the walls about how we can make the storm go away if we just THINK it away. Hurricane Sandy is obviously a coked up, drunk mess herself, and Lindsay Lohan is made up entirely of vodka and coke granules, so can't we just tie her to the top of the Empire State Building as an offering to the storm? That's me thinking positively. (Thanks to Deb and Jardley for sending this mess in) | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 26th! | Top |
Donald Trump's testicle learns what the rest of already know. Entering any orifice attached to Stephen Colbert is a blissful descent to sanctuary. - sosh Runners-up: Big head, bulging eyes and veiny arms.....the Madonna costume is hot this Halloween. - fleawatch In Vivid's upcoming "Whore of the Rings" trilogy, watch Smegma do some tuna pounding. - OurMissC via Izismile | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
This attention whoring ad from Chapel Bar & Bistro in Ponsonby, New Zealand that's making some Catholics and Christians scream "BLASFEMIA!" while throwing holy water at it. Yes, this ad is obviously trolling and obviously using the sacred image of HAY-SOOS to get some attention, but any ad that makes every abuelita clutch her rosary and throw her lace veil over the eyes of the innocent children works for me. But you know, I don't know why some hos are making the sign of the cross over this shit. It's historically inaccurate. Everyone knows that Jesus did crunches in between preaching the good word, so he had better abs than that. And Jesus wouldn't be caught dead with an overgrown, wild happy trail like that. And let's not get into that ankle sock lying on the floor. Your Jesus, my Jesus, everyone's Jesus did not wear ankle socks. Who ever did this ad needs to go back to catechism class. via The Daily What | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Richard Dreyfuss (65) | |
| My Thoughts Exactly, Shiloh | Top |
I don't know why Shiloh is making a level 3 "over it" face. Maybe she just watched her daddy's Chanel No. 5 commercial and is too embarrassed for words. Maybe she CAN'T with her mom once again wearing condom shoes that make St. Angie's feet look even more like lizard hooves made of stretched foreskin. Maybe she wants to be Fred from Scooby Doo (homegirl does have the hair for it) and the cheap ass Halloween store in Sherman Oaks didn't have that costume. Maybe one of the paps is wearing CROCs. Who knows, but I'm all for Shiloh's grouch face, because I'm all for looking like you're over it at ALL TIMES. Whenever you can make a bitchface, make one. In fact, I'm making a bitchface right now over Vivienne's costume. Just because Vivienne is a movie star now, doesn't mean she can go around stealing other people's costume. I was going to wear a droopy, sedated, half-dead pink unicorn apron for Halloween and now I can't, because Vivienne already beat me to it. Damn you, chosen one. Damn you. | |
| So I Guess Xtina Dressed Up As Herself For Halloween This Year | Top |
If it wasn't for Whatshisname dressed up as Sir Golddigsalot, you wouldn't know it was Skankoween and you'd think that Xtina had just pulled herself off of the puddle of chardonnay drool and mascara tears she was lying in to pick her kid up from school. When the kids at school see a bloated cloud of pressed powder, torn fishnets, frizzy pink wig hair and bits of dried self tanner gel coming toward them they know that Max's mom is here to pick him up. But believe it or not, Xtina is actually wearing a costume. Xtina threw a Halloween party last night and she took a little time out from drunkenly humping all of her guests to come outside and pose FOR HER LIFE between two pieces of lifeless wood. Xtina is not only a mess, but she's an ice-hearted bitch too. Just look at how she's smiling her fupa off and has no remorse about viciously murdering a family of Poochie dolls to make that wig. Cold bitch is the Ecuadorian Cruella De Vil. | |
| The Deadliest Snatch | Top |
Carrying her urine sample for a chlamydia test, Kim Kartrashian showed up to Midori's Halloween party in NYC last night dressed up like a rotten fish that needs to be thrown back into the sea. That green skull is reacting the same way I react when I see that Kim has suffocated her Mount Doom ass under ten layers of Spanx and sparkly scales that match the sparkly scales on Gay Fish's dirt star. Kim used a fresh-out-of-the-plastic-bag blond wig from a discount Halloween store to make her plastic face look even more like a Scream mask that was dipped in lead-based bronze paint. Bitch's face is making a stop off in Giuliana Rancic-ville before it goes full Wildenstein. Apparently, Kim is supposed to be Daryl Hannah in Splash. This makes sense, because in the Director's Cut of Splash, while Darryl Hannah is lying in bath tub, Tom Hanks comes in and pisses all over her tail. Gay Fish is supposed to be some kind of boat captain, but fool looks more like a Kennedy on Labor Day (shading Taylor Swift?) or like Blaine from Glee or an assistant manager at a Talbots outlet. Kim and Kanye obviously went with a theme this year. The theme being that they both look like cold shit. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Pipsqueak, the puppy goat! Hurricane Sandy Duncan (the ruthless bitch destroyed Valerie Harper's show and now she's trying to destroy NYC) is coming for the East Coast and soon some of you will lose electricity and will wash out to sea where you'll have to build a new world out of wooden rafts, dress like Russell Brand, grow out dreadlocks and help Kevin Costner find the girl from Corrina, Corrina who's like a human Google Map because she knows the way to dry land. Or something like that. They probably won't have YouTube videos where you're going, so let this YouTube video be the last YouTube video you see. It's the perfect last video, because it has everything: a Hot Slut baby goat, PUPPIES!, a clear ketchup bottle with a nipple and a hanging door bell that looks like steel nuts. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Julia Roberts (45) | |
| This Is The Face Of A Man Who Once Had Butt Sex With A Coke Pill | Top |
Yesterday, we larned (typo and it stays, because I want to speak with a Honey Boo Boo accent today) that Rod Stewart didn't have to get his stomach pumped, because he never overdosed on sailor cum. Uh huh. And today, we're learning that back during his drug days, Rod Stewart regularly got on all fours and begged to be butt banged hard by a coke pill. Yes, we know Rod Stewart like THAT now. I don't like it either. In his new memoirs Rod Stewart: Farting Up Coke and Barfing Up Cum, he writes that he wasn't ever addicted to the bad shit in a serious way, but he did dabble in drugs and found creative ways to get high. But Rod writes that his bandmate Ronnie Wood was hooked on coke and didn't want to mess up his nose, so they shoved coke pills up their no-nos. Rod and Ronnie were both coke's bottom bitch. Rod explained it all to Access Hollywood (via NYDN):
Lindsay Lohan's Hoover of an asshole isn't impressed. Coke suppository? That's amateur hour. LiLo can stand with her back facing a fat line of coke 100 feet away and all her b-hole has to do is inhale just a little bit and BOOM! Bitch's butt sucks up that line before anybody even notices. You know, I'm all for sticking what ever it is you want up your own sugar tunnel. If it makes your nipples sweat and does you right, then go for it. But I CAN'T with snorting coke up your ass. Don't give me that "but it numbs it good" shit. If you want to numb your anus, just make it watch Brad Pitt's Chanel commercial. It will knock out before he can say "journey." It will go to bed hating you, but it will still go to bed. Besides, do you really want coke breath of the butt and do you want your ass lips to start grinding? No peen wants to go near grinding ass lips. Deal breaker. | |
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