The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 27th!
- Hot Sluts Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- ASkars Is Fighting The Hot For His Art
- Jessica Simpson Is Probably Knocked Up
- Afternoon Crumbs
- Scott Disick Is A Big Dick With A Big Dick
- Open Post: Hosted By Scenes From Lindsay Lohan's Daycare Center
- Demi Moore And Ashton Kutcher Are Totally Getting A Divorce This Time
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
This B list celebrity acting couple is all about the television acting for now. The actress in the couple has certainly had some great success in movies. Really big success, but for now focuses on television. Anyway, the couple is pretty open sexually and have brought other women into the relationship before with no difficulties. However, a woman they brought into the relationship not too long ago has caused some problems mainly because the actor in this relationship will not stop calling her and has seen her on his own with our actress present. She is not thrilled at all. The actor says he will not do it anymore, but very shaky ground right now for the couple. (CDAN) Sookeh and Beeeeeeeeeeeehl? Beeeehl needs to remove his Walking Dead face from his side piece's crotch and renew his open marriage vow. "I promise to love and cherish you and only flick my tongue at another woman's clitoris when you're by my side to scream at me 'Lickit! Lickit! Lickit!' like they do in porn." Which Oscar winner is selling off a few of her Andy Warhol paintings to make ends meet? The wacky actress/singer, who lost a good amount of money during a messy public divorce, can't seem to get her boozing under control long enough to book a decent paying gig. (Blind Gossip) Will Spike Lee please drop whatever the hell he's doing and direct a musical remake of Jungle Fever starring Liza and Sly Stone so those two international treasures can make some coins already? You would never think of this couple having any issues. Quiet, soft spoken, always ready with a smile. They are bordering on that A list line of coupledom. He is an award winning movie actor who has been nominated for some big ones. She is an award winning mostly television actress and has been nominated for some big ones. What most people do not know is that he beat her so bad once that they were sure they would never have kids. As they have aged the beatings have been reduced substantially, but he still cheats on her with regularity and she just keeps taking it year after year. (CDAN) My only reasonable response: The kids of this celebrity couple are not handling the upcoming divorce too well. One is angry and getting into fights at school. Another is crying every day and begging the couple to stay together. Another is in total denial and keeps cheerfully insisting to friends and relatives that the rumors are all lies and that the marriage is fine. Now that's an actor in the making! We wonder if they know that Mommy and Daddy have been bearding for each other from the beginning. (Blind Gossip) The obvious and probably only guess is Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith? But the "school" part throws me off. Why am I picturing one of the Smith kids throwing punches at imaginary thetans in the air in the Scientology daycare room? | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 27th! | Top |
Nancy's nipple holds a press conference to confirm that it was, in fact, a pasty that slipped. - DirtyWhoreMouth Runners-up: Nostradamus' most accurate premonition: Posh in hell. - guruXen What could potentially happen if Phoebe Price gets any hotter. - jalynne Ice-T soon discovered that having sex with CoCo while on acid was not a good idea. - YourClothesAreDead via The Berry (Thanks C) | |
| Hot Sluts Of The Day! | Top |
Frank (front) and Louie (right), a two-faced pussy you can actually trust. I think. 12-year-olds Frank and Louie (or "Frankenlouie" if your ass is too lazy to pause) were just inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the world's longest-living Janus cat (that's fancy talk for two-faced pussy). Most Janus cats barely breathe in a couple of set of breaths before they're off to heaven to two-face it up with the angels, but Frank and Louie have outlived them all. Frank and Louie were brought into Tufts Veterinary Clinic 12 years ago and the vets were ready to put two tiny gas masks over their noses, but one of the nurses took them in and they've all been together ever since. Frank and Louie share one brain and one esophagus, so Frank gets to do all the eating while Louie sits there and silently judges his headmate for being a fat-faced greedy over-eater. It's what Eddie Cibrian knows as the LeAnn Treatment. But on the bright side, Louie gets to purr out "Meow missed a spot" while Louie licks their co-op asshole to cleanliness. Here's a video from the Worcester Telegram of Frankenlouie's owner talking about her two-faced gift. This is when the crusty ball of bitterness in my chest felt sorry for Frank and Louie. I mean, having to live with a show off bitch of a bird who thinks it's a regular Parrototti. TORTURE! Think about this shit. Frank and Louie can meow shit to your face and meow shit behind your back at the same time! Not to mention they can double-team side-eye you from both sides. Frank and Louie are my kind. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Dita Von Teese (39) | |
| ASkars Is Fighting The Hot For His Art | Top |
With his pubes of a cherub locks smelling like Nice 'N Easy and his mighty viking oar legs covered in dad jeans from Mervyn's going out of business sale, ASkars is embracing the homely to play a normal looking person in Disconnect which shot scenes in Yonkers, NY today. Yes, it's obvious that ASkars is trying to Charlize Theron his way to an Oscar by camouflaging his natural SWEDISH GOD OF THE GODS hotness with the wardrobe of a father of three you'd stand behind at Chili's To Go, but I'm glad he did. Because this is some shit that should make you swoon out of your reasonably-priced cotton panties. This ASkars probably smells like Palmolive soap (because the soap dispenser full of Dial in his shower ran out), only stays in motels where he can use his AAA card, still uses a Thomas Guide, always asks the waiter at Carrows if they have specials and only answers the phone by saying "Yell-o!" May the viking gods slap me in the loins with a thunderbolt for saying this, but I prefer my ASkars served like this. This is some realness I can get into. I mean, this ASkars' idea of a hot Saturday night is probably sharing a bowl of Jiffy Pop and a bottle of Chateau Diana while reading Joyful Noise poems together before getting into some lights off missionary sex on his Jennifer Convertible. How can you fucking not prefer this ASkars?! | |
| Jessica Simpson Is Probably Knocked Up | Top |
The questions "How is babby formed?" and "Wich whole duz babeh cum out of?" might hit Jessica Simpson's Twitter page any day now, because InTouch Weekly says that the permanent food baby in her belly has magically transformed into an actual human baby. BLIND ITEM SOLVED (maybe)! Jessica and her rent-to-own piece Eric Johnson were supposed to get married last summer, but they pushed that shit back to November after she successfully fell for the oldest trick in the gold digging book. Eric told Jessica that he had to poke holes in the condom or else his dick would suffocate. SUCCESS! The source said this about the baby that will hopefully defy the odds by being born with at least 3 brain cells (that's 2.95 more brain cells that its parents have combined): "She's already having kooky cravings!" a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate — "which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet" — cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas. How is Jessica eating melted Snickers soup with a Doritos crouton on top any different than what goes down her food hole on a daily basis? And as Papa Joe makes himself a giant breast pump costume in the basement, Vanessa Manilafolders is trolling the streets of Manila looking for a Filipino orphan baby with a huge rack and a woodchuck face who could pass as her and Nick Lachey's child. Jessica is NOT going to beat Vanessa to a very special "Ahs Finally Have The Baby Of My Dreams!" cover of Life & Style. Even if Vanessa has to slather grape jelly on that Filipino orphan, shove it up her twat and then push it out in front of the paparazzi, Jessica is not going to win ever! | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
True story: That cat was an emaciated, hairless, starving alley orphan until Salma Hayek fed it leche from her world-saving UNICEF chichis - Hollywood Tuna Somebody issue a CITIZEN'S ARREST on Ryan Gosling for going to a talk show without his mohawk dog that eats apples or peaches or whatever - Lainey Gossip This is how all word fights should play out - The Berry I see Leelee Sobieski asked her make-up artist to give her the "alien on bathtub meth" look - The Superficial A check is a check no matter whose taint you have to lick to get it - Celebitchy Leisha Haley says the kiss was just that, a kiss - Towleroad Annalynne McCord's nalgas look like two latte pies in that skirt (No, I don't know what a latte pie is either) - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather If DanRad throws in a dog locket with an autographed picture of his Equus peen in it, then I'll take Padfoot! - The Daily What Because looking at Hugh Jackman's nipples never gets old - Just Jared The words "easy, breezy, beautiful" just came on my mind - Hollywood Rag Chris Brown is a knee licker - ICYDK This is exactly what it looks like when The Situation doesn't rub topical ointment on his genital wart for weeks - Videogum Never change, Gremlin Frankie, never change - Crunk + Disorderly It's like Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fucking himself between the eyes - I'm Not Obsessed And I just learned how to say "awwww" 21 different ways - Cityrag When Kurt Met Blaine - OMG Blog | |
| Scott Disick Is A Big Dick With A Big Dick | Top |
By the looks of that picture, Scott Disick must be a grower (with the help of a Brooks Brothers penis pump, a peen extender, three layers of dick padding and an injection of Khloe Hormones) and not a shower. Scott Disick (as always, the "s" is silent) is a big walking penis with a side urethra that spits out verbal piss on the regular, but the Kardashian Klan is also trying to make us believe that deep in his Ralph Lauren trousers is a monster that can beat Khloe Kardashian in an arm wrestling competition for the last large pizza on the eatin' table. xoJane.com (via UsWeekly) brought up the dick size situation of the newest Kardashian prisoner and Pimp Mama Kris' whores quickly changed the focus and instead talked about how Scott Disick's dick is the most useful thing in the family since it can catch peanuts and juggle apples. Jane: We're getting the hook -- they're telling us we're out of time! Okay, wait -- is Kris [Humpries] well endowed? They all think he is. Kourtney is about the size of a Snooki, so any dick would look Khloe-sized next to her. That settles that. But why is Kim giggling at the mention of the word p-e-n-i-s. Ho, please. I hate it when whores don't remember where they came from. Kim needs to stop acting like if Scott dropped chocolate sauce on his crotch, she wouldn't snap for a camera crew and command her pussy to assume the lock jaw position. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Scenes From Lindsay Lohan's Daycare Center | Top |
| If you're impressed with dude's CapriSun bonging style, then you should see his Juicy Juice keg stand skills! Oh, and the answer to all of the questions in your head is: Florida. That is all. via The Daily What | |
| Demi Moore And Ashton Kutcher Are Totally Getting A Divorce This Time | Top |
Lainey Gossip says that tomorrow's cover of Star Magazine will make absolutely no one clutch at their anal beads in SHOCK by featuring this headline: "World Exclusive It's Over! Demi & Ashton's $290 million divorce!" Actually, let me take a Magic Eraser to my last comment and correct myself. Everybody will be clutching at their anal beads, because we're actually living on a planet where an empty douche bottle in a Jesus mask and a Kyle Richards impersonator are worth $290 million together. Lainey says that Star is practically echoing their story from this time last year and saying that Ashton Kutcher's wandering peen hasn't stopped slipping into side pieces and Demi Moore can no longer mask the pain by unmasking her non-biodegradable body parts in a bathroom bikini photo shoot for her Twitter followers. There's not many details from Star's story other than that mess, but The Dirty (via Gather) got an e-mail from someone who claims that their friend helped Asshole Kutcher in his never-ending pursuit to beat Tiger Woods' man whore record. Nik, I'm going to be straight to the point. I'm a female who works at "Don't speak for us." - Most people on earth to Sara Leal's friend Demi and Ashton haven't been photographed next to each other in a little while and that's a red flag right there. Demi might not be able to force herself to rub her shellacked body of desperation on Ashton's man slut stick, but she's always been able to put on a brave face for the sake of the paparazzi's cameras! My thoughts and prayers are with Demi and Ashton's Twitter followers at this time. It will be hard at first to only follow Ashton every other weekend (not including holidays), but they'll eventually get through this difficult time. Here's Demi looking a little Rimes-ish with Jennifer Aniston, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beak at last night's NYC premiere of Lifetime's Five. | |
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