The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- UPDATE: Yvonne The Runaway Cow Caught!
- Six Cases Of Dannon Fruit On The Bottom (Blueberry Flavor) Yogurt, Please!
| UPDATE: Yvonne The Runaway Cow Caught! | Top |
| NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait. I should translate that emotion into words Yvonne can understand. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The game is over for Yvonne the runaway cow. Grab a nearest utter and pour some leche out for her. The former Hot Slut and Bavarian hero was caught after 3 months on the run. In case for some reason your brain completely erased this highly important news story even though it should be running through your head every moment of the day, I'll give it to you quick. Yvonne knew something in the milk wasn't clean when her owner, a farmer, started feeding her delicious foods after delicious foods. Yvonne quickly realized that she was about to be turned into stomach food for humans, so she quit that bitch and strutted for safe lands while this song buzzed in her ears. The running of Yvonne created a national mess. Hunters were trying to git her ass, the government stepped in to grant a bitch the right to shoot her and animal rights groups started their own search. Everybody wanted Yvonne! But the cunning cow was not trying to be found. She only grazed at night and turned the forest into her hideout. Well, NPG reports that Yvonne was ratted out by some whores earlier this week. Yvonne was living on the down low on some farm near the Austrian border when an employee recognized her and the jig was up. Yvonne's owner has brought her back in and was told by the government that she must not be sent to the slaughterhouse. Some dumbasses said that Yvonne must have been sick of living a life on the run and turned herself in by joining the other cows on that farm. MOO, please. Yvonne and I both knew this isn't how it was supposed to end. Yvonne was supposed to hook up with another cow on the run, get into a blue Thunderbird together, fuck Brad Pitt in a motel and then drive off Bavaria's version of the Grand Canyon (a super deep pot hole?). That's how this was supposed to end. I'm just going to tell myself that the farmer actually took a sheep in Yvonne's clothing, and Yvonne is licking rum off of a pool boy's body in the Caribbean while wearing the sheep's clothing. | |
| Six Cases Of Dannon Fruit On The Bottom (Blueberry Flavor) Yogurt, Please! | Top |
| When I'm craving a thick creamy white snack, I usually reach for the vanilla ice cream (Where did you think I was going with this, you sick ass!), but not anymore! My freezer will only be used to store vodka, grapes, cold packs and batteries (yeah, I'm one of those) from now on. Thanks to this highly informative review, I'm reaching for the Dannon Fruit on the Bottom yogurt when I need a refreshing summertime (?) snack between meals. Because starting now, I always trust the snack advice of Amy Winehouse's spirit animal who has the thrilling voice of the Google Translate lady and the cinematic eye of a mom who just got a webcam. P.S. - Stay away from that lid contest for that free cooking set. It's mine! I want to cook my lavishing yogurt in it. via Videogum | |
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