The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Mark Ronson Is Somebody's Husband Now | Top |
| The South of France was turned into a walking Anthropologie catalog yesterday when Mark Ronson married French model type Josephine de la Baume in Aix en Provence in front of guests including Lily Allen, Kate Moss and one of his sisters Charlotte Ronson . No word if SamRo was able to pry Lindsay Lohan's leech lips off of her taint so she could get on a plane to France. But I'm sure if SamRo was not able to make it, Mark put a fedora on a Sam the Eagle puppet parked in front of an iPod so it felt like she was right there with them. And I'm sure the Sam the Eagle puppet played better music too. Mark wore the Good Humor Man's first Sunday church outfit and that Josephine trick wore something she pulled out of Joan Holloway's wicker dirty laundry basket. A source tells UsWeekly that during the reception, Mark paid tribute to his friend Amy Winehouse by toasting to her (with a plastic flute full of melted ice pops and ballet slipper smegma, of course). Then he really paid tribute to her by making all his guests crawl on the floor to sneakily steal drinks off of each other's tables . It's the new wedding tradition of choice! Today true love is not knowing what your new husband's retinas look like since his ass never takes off his fucking Wayfarers. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| The majestic piece of the Aggro Crag from Nickelodeon's 90s mess of a game show GUTS ! The early and mid-90s were pretty much all about finding ways to murder or seriously paralyze our children on obstacle courses made of spray-painted Styrofoam rocks and cardboard refrigerator boxes pieced together with glitter glue, and GUTS was on top of that shit. In GUTS, kids battled it out in a bunch of useless weak " action sporting" e vents before getting to the main event: THE AGGRO CRAG ! The Aggro Crag was a gigantic mountain mound of half-broken robot nutsacks, steel spikes, glitter cannons, smoke machines, flying crystals, volcano rocks and was powered by the same shit that powers Kanye West's ego. It was kind of like Mount Doom on low-grade Ecstasy. As the kids tried to hit a bunch of targets while crawling up gay raver mountain, the host Mike O'Malley and his sidekick Moe commented on the action the same way sedated hyenas would comment on the action in a cock fight. The kid who activated all seven of the targets in THE AGGRO CRAG won a bunch of prizes including a piece of the bitch they just conquered! And the Aggro Crag trophy was what you get when you ask a low-paid stagehand to make a trophy in 15-minutes using leftover props from the Double Dare closet, a shoe box and Christmas lights. AND you didn't even get to keep the Aggro Craig trophy. You had to give that shit back. It was like the shellacked birthday cake my kindergarten teacher would bring out on your born day. You'd take a picture with it, stroke it a few times and then say goodbye to it forever. Cheap ass fucks. The piece of the Aggro Crag later retired to the Nickelodeon Halfway House where it sleeps on a bunk above Olmec . | |
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