The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Kellan Lutz Lives With Dick
- Madge's Face Is Still At The Venice Film Festival
- This Is What Rebecca Black Spawned
| Kellan Lutz Lives With Dick | Top |
| Kellan Lutz tells GQ Style Australia that he lives with a bunch of "his boys" and one of them is a dude he found on Craigslist named Dick who owns a chihuahua they call Kevin. To which I'll say Parasite Hilton's elementary school nickname: TOO EASY! This is what the six-pack on stilts of muscle had to say about getting more Dick in his life to GQ: It's not that I'm not. It's just that any mortal man in the presence of a towering powerhouse like Lutz can't help but feel like a yellow-billed oxpecker on the back of a great hippo. Which is why I'm relieved when Kevin the chihuahua suddenly scampers off to bark at something inside. "That must be Dick," Lutz says, following Kevin into the house. "Dick's one of my room-mates." Lutz isn't dating anyone at the moment, but still. Room-mates? "I like being around people," he explains, "so I posted an ad on Craigslist saying I was looking for new blood." He looks to see if I get the joke. "Dick came by and we liked him, so, yeah, now he's one of my boys." "My boys" is a term Lutz uses a lot, as in, "My boys all want to go to Vegas to watch the Super Bowl with me, so I say, 'Great. I'll provide the rooms and whatnot. All you have to do is buy a $400 plane ticket.' That's when my boys start moaning, 'Oh, we have no money.' But then I'll catch them spending $200 a night getting drunk with a girl. What's up with that?" So, Kellan Lutz lives with a group of his boys, calls them his " roommates ," takes them on trips to Las Vegas, gives them $400 prepaid credit cards to buy their airline tickets with (so they can tell people THEY bought the tickets) and their only duties are to bleach Kevin's b-hole and to caulk the toilet seat whenever he accidentally breaks it by flexing the biceps on his ass cheeks during a shit? To which I'll say the word that Kunty Karl's male human writes on his tax return next to occupation: KEPT BITCH! Here's Muscle Daddy Kellan and friend of Dick putting muscles on top of his muscle's muscle's muscle at Muscle Beach in Venice, CA the other day. P.S. - Heh. He said " oxpecker. " | |
| Madge's Face Is Still At The Venice Film Festival | Top |
| Seen here saying with her eyes " BABY BRAHIM! My face nerves got stuck again! Fetch the heat wand and start cooing out that 'unfreeze chant' I taught you! " at the premiere of her movie W.E. at the Venice Film Festival last night, Madge wore a dress with some butterfly shit on it that matches the butterfly decals over her boy toy's crib in the nursery alcove next to her master dungeon suite. So maternal, that Madge. Yesterday, I got into how Madge's face looks like a par-baked chicken pot pie, so today I'll just praise our patron saint of baby snatching for the latest wet dingle she's added to one of the hairs on cinema's asshole. After reading the rest of the reviews for Madge's feature film directorial debut, it's official: that shit sucks . You can always count on Madge to throw a piece of shit on the face of cinema decade after decade. In the 80s, she gave us Shanghai Surprise ! In the 90s, she gave us Body of Evidence ! In the 2000s, she gave us Swept Away ! And now she's giving us W.E. ! I hope Madge continues to believe that she and movies go together like Lady Caca and her career. The Razzies depend on her. And during a press conference for Madge's movie about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, she said this about Wallis Simpson: "I identified with her in that I think it's very common when people become celebrities or public figures or icons that we are often reduced to a soundbite and that you're given a few attributes and then you're not allowed to have anything more than that." Wasn't Wallis Simpson one of Hitler's homegirls ? And Madge identifies with her? Madge is definitely threatening Mel Gibson with a good time. If Madge has got a Kabbalah bracelet cover, then Mel Gibson's got time and a jacuzzi. Mad Mel will even lift his nuts and paint them Brazilian baby brown so Madge feels more at home. | |
| This Is What Rebecca Black Spawned | Top |
| So you know that girl in the pink from Rebecca Black's Friday video who got turned into an according playing GIF ? No? Well, just keep shaking your head (the same way you do whenever Rebecca Black's name comes up) when I tell your ass that her name is Benni Cinkle (which sounds like the name of a joint ailment) and she's got a new song where she auto-tune yodels about plastic bags flying in the wind over a 90s techno beat from the Ultra Nate soundboard. Just like every damn pop star before her, Benni Cinkle's message is that if you're a gay teen, a fat teen in a vest, a teen cutter, a knocked up teen, a teen who can't dance, a bulimic teen or a teen with a dad who yells a lot, it always gets better. You know what I also hope gets better? Benni's lip gloss choices, because that color only belongs on a 4-year-old drag princess contestant on RuPaul's Junioress Drag Race (Dear LOGO, please greenlight RuPaul's Junioress Drag Race ). Remember this shit in a couple of months when I tell you, "Do you remember that teen girl barfing into a toilet in the music video by that girl in the pink from Rebecca Black's Friday video? This is her new video. " And more importantly, why did they make Benni Cinkle look like a 45-year-old at the club with first degree Christina Darling face? via ONTD | |
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