The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Taylor Swift And Reese Witherspoon Bond Over Jakey Gyllenhaal's Vain Ways
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 1st!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| Taylor Swift And Reese Witherspoon Bond Over Jakey Gyllenhaal's Vain Ways | Top |
| UsWeekly says that the 8-year-old girl trapped in a 12-year-old's body that is Taylor Swift and Reese Witherspoon ate lunch in L.A. together at Boa Steakhouse earlier this week and talked all about what it was like " dating " Jakey Gyllenhaal. As Taylor made an enchanted forest scene with her mashed potatoes and broccoli and Reese chiseled off her steak fat with her chin, they both agreed that Jakey spent a lot of time wooing them (the contract negotiations were long) and that their first date was intimate and romantic (only one pap showed up when they called them). But then a source, who was obviously a fly on Reese's chin (Note: If you're going to be a fly on Reese's chin, you're going to want to be a fly on Reese's chin while in front of Taylor Squint. Because that bitch can't see shit and won't notice you.), said they started having laughs about how Jake is really a granola unicorn wrapped around a Carly Simon song. Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift lunched at Los Angeles' Boa Steakhouse on Aug. 26 -- and chatted about their shared ex, Jake Gyllenhaal! "They talked about how vain and self-absorbed Jake can be," a source tells Us Weekly. "They laughed about it." Since Reese Witherspoon burps out romantic comedy sing-along scenes on the regular and Taylor Swift is a walking romantic comedy sing-along scene, " You're So Vain " magically started playing in the restaurant and those two blonde borings started singing into their spoons and spinning around the place like two cartoon bunny rabbits around a fucking maypole. The other people in the restaurant were not into it and started throwing zucchini flowers at those fruit flies, but Reese deflected that shit with her chin and kept on! She was not going to let flying zucchini flowers mess with her romantic comedy sing-along scene moment! But really. How can anybody call Jakey " vain ." Just look at this face. Is this the face of a Vainy McVainster? Yes, I'm sure he's staring into a mirror across the room while thinking to himself, " Damn, I make beards wet faster than a Portland rainstorm* ," but he is not vain at all. Yes, he doesn't mind if you're a little veiny since that means you're ribbed for his pleasure, but he is not vain! Taylor Swift needs to bite her Pollyanna ass tongue. But not because of the Jake thing. Ho needs to bite her tongue, because it might make her live singing voice sound better. *You know, because there's a lot of beards in Portland. Sorry, it's Friday morning. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 1st! | Top |
| Paris Hilton's school for the wonk-eyed takes special measures during tests to prevent cheating. - NovaNightly Runners-up: Every possible step was taken to protect the children when Ke$ha was brought in to substitute teach. - Ikcor We can all take a lesson from Arizona on how to process undocumented workers. - Pat MaGroin It saved the television industry millions of dollars and tons of paper waste when they finally came up with the "black bar" to censor images. - perky via Evil Milk | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Luke O'Dell from the Australia's X Factor If Jamie from Small Wonder became a Yellow Pages Adam Lambert impersonator using only a $10 gift card to Hot Topic, a half a bottle of Rit clothing dye in fuchsia and a leaky Sharpie, he would be a slightly better Glamberace look-alike than Luke O'Dell. But he would not have the sheer talent and natural vocal finesse that Luke possesses! Luke dribbled out an original song called "Introvert Extrovert, " (FYI: In case you couldn't tell, his singing ability is the introvert and his bangs are the extrovert) which sounds to me like a hidden track on a Spandau Ballet Japanese import. Hidden, mostly because that shit was not meant to be found. The judges were not even a lukewarm shade of impressed over Luke's " deaf llama trying to yawn like a dog " singing voice and they crushed his dreams the same same way Luke crushed a raspberry Crayon before smearing it in his hair. But it's not over for Luke! He has already become an overnight superstar sensation and his song broke the iTunes 100. Studies show it was downloaded by people who sort of want to kill themselves but need an extra push to do so. And not only is Luke master vocalist, but he's also a master model. Luke will set any Sears Portrait Studio on fire. What is Luke's address, because he obviously deserves my Barbizon diploma more than I do. via Herald Sun (For Mel) | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
| The Empress of Lucite (40 in human years, ageless in angel years) Aimee Osbourne (28) Katt Williams (38) Cedric "K-Ci" Hailey (42) Camille Grammer (43) Cynthia Watros (43) Salma Hayek (45) Tuc Watkins (45) Lennox Lewis (46) Keanu Reeves (47) Linda Purl (56) Mark Harmon (60) Mary Jo Catlett (73) | |
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