The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- All Is Well In The World Again: Posh Is Back In Heels
- Southwest Tells Billie Joe Armstrong That He's Looking Like A Fool With His Pants On The Ground
| All Is Well In The World Again: Posh Is Back In Heels | Top |
| An international emergency was called when Posh was photographed out in L.A. a few days ago wearing what she calls paraplegic heels (aka flats). The excuse at the time was that Posh suffered from a slipped disc or some shit and her feet were put on high heels rest by her doctors. THAT IS NO EXCUSE. Slipped disc or not, the public-at-large counts on Posh to always show us that shit is right in the world by wearing heels so high that it makes our ankle bones shiver like a crazy Christian at a trans convention. I don't care if bitch's disc is doing the Slip 'N Slide, she needs put on those heels and channel the pain from her back into the snobby bitchface she always launches at hos. I don't care if bitch loses her legs in a freak red carpet accident, she needs to strap those heels to her stumps and hop like a motherfucker. But thankfully, we can call off the international emergency, because Posh was back to wearing back-breaking heels of death while shopping with her family in West Hollywood yesterday. Posh made the right decision and had all of her back bones removed so that she doesn't have to live a tortured life of only wearing flats. Bitch is so light that the wind can hold her up as she struts in front of the camera. It's true that she can never sit in a chair again, but she can wear heels for centuries to come and that's all that matters. That weave on the other hand.... | |
| Southwest Tells Billie Joe Armstrong That He's Looking Like A Fool With His Pants On The Ground | Top |
| Let me just start by saying that if Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong wore that sophisticated and sexy sequined tube dress on the flight, he wouldn't have any problems. The gutter baby of Gozer the Gozerian and a Beetlejuice doll from Hot Topic was getting on a Southwest flight from Oakland to Burbank when one of their flight attendants told his 39-year-old ass that he had to cover up his 39-year-old ass by pulling up his pants or he'd be put on the No Sag List. I didn't know General Larry Platt was Southwest's Style Director. An ABC reporter was on that same flight and said they were pretty much ready for takeoff except for Billie Joe's saggy pants situation. When BJ was told to pull his shit up, he responded with some verbal shade by telling the flight attendant that they obviously had better things to worry about than his ass hanging out. The flight attendant asked him again and BJ responded with: "I'm just trying to get to my fucking seat." Game over. The pilot locked the door, a TSA agent tackled BJ to the ground and a flight attendant tasered his ankles until his thigh muscles grabbed onto those pants and pulled them up. BJ was immediately taken to Guantanamo Bay where they are currently torturing him by forcing him to wear his pants over his ass for hours on end. No, BJ and his travel mate were both kicked off of the flight. BJ Tweeted this right after Southwest denied his 39-year-old crack the right to be seen: Just got kicked off a southwest flight because my pants sagged too low! What the fuck? No joke! A customer service rep from Southwest immediately got involved and apologized before putting BJ and his friend on the next flight out: "As soon as we became aware of what had happened, we reached out to apologize for this Customer's experience. He elected to take the next flight. We followed up with this Customer and involved Employees to get more details and, in our latest conversations, understand from the Customer the situation was resolved to his satisfaction." Billie Joe could've just turned down his ego, pulled up his pants, sat down, thrown a blanket over his lap and taken his pants completely off (NSFW like this ) when that flight attendant wasn't looking. That's what I do. On the other hand, the flight attendant could've also just told themselves that it's Southwest Fucking Airlines and if at least 75% of the people on the flight don't look like trash, then they can't take off. It's an FCC rule. But really, this is why I want to stick my tongue in Southwest (or Southworst as some hos calls them) and get a job with them one day. They give bitches the QUIT YOUR ASS TREATMENT for saggy pants, being too fat , dressing too slutty and for crying too much . Just imagine getting paid to tell paying customers: " You hate belts, get off!" or " Your fupa offends me, get off!" or " You look like a penny hooker in a land of quarter hookers, get off!" or " You cry human tears, get off!" or " Your baby's ugly face is a flight risk, get off! " Just thinking about it is taking me higher than any plane ever could. | |
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