Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

Afternoon Crumbs Top
Taylor Lautner throws his best Grace Jones face on VMan - OMG Blog Did you think Madge just magically has the endurance to chase after baby toys when they try to escape from her dungeon? That shit takes work! - Lainey Gossip Matt Boner and Cheyenne Jackson are going to be husbands (for play) - Towleroad The (f)art project Johnny Cade should put that "prosthetic penis " to good use and fuck herself - The Superficial Rosanne Arquette as a magician's assistant in Desperately Seeking Susan > AnnaLynne McCord - Hollywood Tuna That leather baby diaper on Rose McGowan ain't the look - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather I'm sure Blake NotSoLively flew in a Prius jet since Leonardo DiCaprio is our environmental savior - Celebitchy Mona Robinson is a great grandmother now - Just Jared That time of the day when I pretend that Prince Hot Ginge' s crotch bubble is a gigantic royal bulge - Popsugar Cheryl Tweedy's got 90s newscaster hair - Popoholic Never mind the Klan shit, was Baby Mason the one who did that fuck effort Photoshop job on those whores? - ICYDK Rupert Grint and Tom Felton are doing fashion ads now - The Berry Proof that only a puddle of barf can from the Insane Clown Posse and Jack White joining forces - The Daily What My final guess is Steven Tyler ? - Cityrag More like butt blood and dick cheese - Hollywood Rag Amy Sedaris presents hot dogs on a rake (which sorts of sounds like a reworking of Snakes on a Plane starring Bob Vila) - Videogum Err, Michelle Branch , you've got a little Paris Hilton on your lip - Celebslam T-Boz's hair tails found a new home on the sides of Patti LaBelle's head! - I'm Not Obsessed
 
The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 31st! Top
via Reddit
 
Models Have Moves Top
Here's Karen Elson, Raquel Zimmerman and some Amish hos hawking fancy clothes while showing off the moves they learned at The Velma Dinkley Dance Schoo l . I just.... So this is the reason why that whenever I'm about to bust into any kind of dance move, a sign flashes in front of my eyeballs that reads: " WARNING: Are you currently 'don't give a fuck' tanked? If not, proceed with caution ." via The Hairpin (Thanks Kenny and B. Mont for sending this shit in)
 
Open Post: Hosted By This Drop Of Sunshine Top
You can escort yourself to the exit box in the corner if you were about to type: " I didn't know Susan Boyle was in Dancing with the Stars? " May a pair of control top hose never control your top again for that one! Here's the rainbow in a L'eggs egg putting a twinkle in everyone's toes at an aerobics class in Beverly Hills yesterday afternoon. This is knocking every tiara off of every toddler, because nobody does sweet priss mugging for the cameras the way Richard Simmons does. Since I know you already used up your daily allotted sugar allowance during lunch, I won't tell you if Richard wore bloomers over his hose or not. But I will tell you that some people in Beverly Hills were overheard saying that their lives are complete now that they have feasted their eyes on two baby chicks snuggling in a butterfly cocoon. This is definitely what a L'eggs commercial looks like when you watch it through a rainbow. He's got L'eeeeeeeeeeeeegs .
 
Bony Bitch Calls Bony Bitch A Bony Bitch Top
When Giuliana Rancid isn't digging tunnels in the earth for her colony queen, she's throwing shade at can't dress hos on Fashion Police and during last week's episode she barfed out a few calorie-free words about the malnourished body of the skeletal skank horse of Fantastica. "She lost a lot of weight from all the stress in her life. She seems a little thin right now, and I think she looks great when she's a bit curvier." The former country singer and professional full-time Twitter hooker whore of course had to scratch back at Giuliana. LeAnn Rimes put on her Tweetin' 'kini and chewed on the side of a dried carrot stem to build up her energy. LeAnn then responded with this: Hey, we should go to dinner sometime. You get criticized all the time for how small you are. You can see just HOW much I eat and maybe put a stop to this crazy 'shrinking' once and for all..... oh, & then we should workout together! Good luck with your restaurant!!! How is that rude?! It's the truth. well wouldn't you?! I think it would be good. We have lots in common to chat about." Giuliana told E! yesterday that she's not going to meet LeAnn at the foot of the dirt mound to eat at the air together anytime soon. Giuliana says she's done opening her mouth about this. But mostly because every time she opens her mouth, hos around her try to throw cheese fries into it and she's sick of spending her days wiping the salt off with Fen-Phen wipes. "I don't see anything wrong with pointing out that someone looks good curvier. There's nothing hotter than a girl with some curves. I wish I was a curvy bombshell!...trust me! I didn't mean it as an insult but apparently some people took it the wrong way. If someone told me they prefer me with some more weight on me...I'd give them a big, fat kiss! I think this is just a big misunderstanding and hold no hard feelings towards LeAnn. Hope to see her on a red carpet soon!" Both of these alien-faced, lolly-headed sticks need to sit down. Specifically, they need to sit down on an Ensure enema. But really, Giuliana is lying. Dlisted has learned EXCLUSIVELY that Giuliana and Leann did meet up last night to settle this the way every bitch in the insect world settles a war and here's the footage: DING! DING! DING! SCORE ONE FOR GIULIANA! That was Giuliana, right? Praying mantises all look the same to me.
 
Matthew Fox Officially Charged With Poon Punching Top
Before we get back on Matthew Fox's Dharma party van of pussy punches , I should let you know that mug shot isn't really Matthew Fox and has been around for years. I know. I wish that after Matthew allegedly right hooked a trick in the tit, he wept like a strained turtle whose head is too fat to hide in its shell during his mug shot session. CNN says that prosecutors in Cleveland have charged Dr. Jack Shepard with assault for acting like a drunk assbag when he threw fists at a (to be read in the slurry voice of a boozed bitch with a party yard long cup in hand) PAAAAAAAARTY BUUUUUS driver when she refused to let him on. The party bus driver Heather Bormann said that Matthew punched her in the legs, but his fists eventually ended up on her chichi sacks and coochie zone. Heather turned off Matthew's punches by fisting him in the face. Matthew was detained by the police that night but quickly released. Prosecutors took pictures of the bruises that Matthew left on Heather's arms and legs. Matthew has said nothing about this so far. Let's see. Jin was busted for DUI. Libby was busted for DUI. Ana Lucia was busted for DUI. Mr. Eko was busted for driving without a license. And now Matthew Fox. The LOST curse will never leave the island! The smoke monster, that dead polar bear, Sawyer, Hurley, Ben and the others better keep their fists in their ass cracks and act right on the PAAAAAARTY BUUUUS or this could be them! I've heard that Kate can't get even get arrested in this town, so that bitch is safe. Lucky for her. via UsWeekly
 
It's Going To Take $30 Million For Vivid To Pull Down The Kim K Sex Tape Top
For a sex tape that's not even worth 29 dingles and a crotch berry, Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment says that he's going to need at least 30 million dollars to take Kim Kardashian and Ray J's sex tape off the market forever. Vivid owns the rights to the tape that shows Kim moaning like an overstuffed warthog in need of some TUMS while Ray J does her with his boomerang dick from behind, and apparently a " mystery buyer " from Tennessee is willing to pay to stop the sale of it. Why do I have a feeling that this " mystery buyer " is really Khloe doing a Scooby Doo voice? Steve Hirsch tells TMZ that he's already spoken to the lawyer from Tennessee and it let it be known that Pimp Mama Kris will probably have to sell one of the Jenner girls to an Arab sheik if she wants to buy the rights to Kim's boring ass tape. "Based on its long term value, it looks like $30 million would be a starting point for a discussion on all of the rights. I have no idea who is behind this offer ... but If it's Kim, I have a tremendous amount of respect for her. She has my number and can call me any time." "BEHIND this offer. " Nice blind item hint there, Steve. Steve Hirsch is a STUNT QUEEN of the highest order and so is Pimp Mama Kris. This is obviously just a publicity trick to get dumb hos to buy the Ambien of sex tapes they can download for free after Googling " Kim Kardashian sex tape Torrent. " But don't even bother, because watching a piece of bacon slowly shrivel in a microwave is more exciting and erotic than that shit. I mean, Pimp Mama Kris is smart enough to know that she can't make that boring mess disappear, but she can pull stunts like this to keep her main whore's name on top of CNN (this really was on CNN). Strike while the whore is hot. If we could all glamour that pig and donkey fuck show from our lives, we would. Or we would go back in time and make it so that Ray J's piss stream shot too far, hitting the camera causing it to break. Then that sex tape would've never made it to our eyes and Kim's biggest claim to fame would be being a fourth tier character on Parasite Hilton's failed reality show. Where are Bill and Ted when you really need them?! And here's Kim and Mr. Kim (being a total gentlemen by carrying around her travel size ass dildo for her) leaving their hotel in NYC last night. I take it back. That's not her travel size ass dildo. That's just her booster dildo since I'm sure it doesn't even touch her culito hole.
 

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