The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Finally, A Real Royal Wedding
- And Here's OctoSana's "Uh...Errr....Can We Go Back To Deal #1?" Side-Eye
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 31st!
| Finally, A Real Royal Wedding | Top |
| Here's Slash and his on-and-off again wife Perla Ferrar giving the international sign for holy matrimony after renewing their vows in Ibiza, Spain today. Slash and Perla first got married on October 15, 2001, which I'm pretty sure was also the original release date for that Chinese Democracy album. For this blessed day, Perla chose her original wedding dress as her "something old, " but she turned into her " something new" by giving it a Billy Ray Cyrus cut. Now, I've always said that lubed up thighs and a " not sure if I just burped from my butt or my vag " facial expression is what really makes an elegant bride, but Perla takes things to exciting new levels of grace and sophistication that Kate Middleton and Kim Kardashian wish they could reach by wearing THAT TINY TOP HAT on her head. When you wear a tiny hat, you either look like the flower girl at a My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding or Speedo's arch rival . Both are those are wins so you can't go wrong. Here's more of Slash, who sorts of looks like Taylor Lautner in a Rick James wig here, and Perla with their children in Spain the other day. Fun Fact: Before Perla married slash, she was a pussy selling madam. So I guess you get your madam name when you pair the kind of underwear you're currently wearing with the kind of car you currently own. That means my madam name is Skid Marks MTA Card! | |
| And Here's OctoSana's "Uh...Errr....Can We Go Back To Deal #1?" Side-Eye | Top |
| Last year, Mad Mel Gibson offered Oksana Grigorieva $15 million as a break-up settlement in exchange for a blow job before jacuzzi (you can't blame an asshole for trying). After OctoSana shook her head no to that offer (which because of her inner tube lips sounded like the dick slap dance from Kids), Mad Mel offered her $15 million straight up. That's when OctoSana took a gold digger gamble by turning Mel down and decided to take him to court instead. Well, in case you couldn't tell from the fuck my life face she's making in that picture above, bitch gambled and LOST. TMZ says that when OctoSana turned down the $15 million last year, she tried to make it sound like she did it because part of the settlement included Mad Mel spending unsupervised time with their daughter Lucia. But their source claims that she thought her shovel could hit more gold if she dragged his crusty prune face to court. Today was court day, and when OctoSana put her open palms out to collect her money, the court put a single $750,000 coin in her hands. $750,000!!!!!! The court stenographer immediately stopped her typing to play this sound on a boombox: That's not even worth a fart from that original $15 million settlement! If that isn't already a kick to a gold digger's shovel, the settlement also gives Mad Mel even more unsupervised visits with his daughter. The $750,000 will be paid over the next 5 years. The house she's living in will be sold and that money will go into a trust for their daughter. OctoSana and Mel will share both legal and physical custody of Lucia. OctoSana will also get child support every month, but that amount wasn't disclosed. Both OctoSana and Mel agreed to never speak of their relationship to the media again. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. Let this be a lesson to gold diggers everywhere. When you make a baby with a Jew-hating, child-punching, anushole monster who has the face of a peach seed shat out of a walruses' ass and he offers you $15 million as a break-up settlement, TAKE THAT MONEY! Use it to change your name to Diabetes Tits Grigoriewitz and immediately move into a jacuzzi-free house in the middle of Israel. Mad Mel will never come for you and you'll never have to hear the words " BLOW ME BITCH " come out of his face lips ever again. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 31st! | Top |
| Source: Elliot C Nathan via Reddit | |
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