The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Everyone Got Engaged This Week | Top |
| The hell? This is not the week for cold bitches who feel a shiver shoot into the satchels of ash in their chests whenever they read about an in-love couple secreting pink hearts out of their pores after getting engaged. Seriously, everyone in Hollywood has gone from putting cock rings on their fuck partners to putting engagement rings on 'em. It's an engagement epidemic! And with New Year's Eve coming, it's going to get worse. Gross. Where are you when we really need you, 2012?! Anyway, add Reese Witherspoon to the list, because she's engaged to her agent boyfriend of almost a year Jim Toth . UsWeekly has the details: She and Hollywood agent Jim Toth are engaged, her rep confirms exclusively to UsMagazine.com. "They are extremely happy," the rep tells Us. The Oscar-winning actress, 34, began dating Toth, 40, around January 2010, shortly after her split from Jake Gyllenhaal. The duo went public with their romance in March during a romantic birthday weekend in Ojai, Calif. Toth works as an agent at L.A.'s Creative Artists Agency; Witherspoon is a CAA client, but Toth doesn't represent her. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift got on one knee and slipped a red candy ring on Jakey's finger while they played Cinderella in her playroom. Of course Jakey was Cinderella, because Taylor can't do the " innocent maiden eye flutter" as good as he can. | |
| No Falcor Baby On The Horizon...Yet | Top |
| LeAnn Rimes Tweeted the above denial after HollyBaby ran a story claiming that she's got a womb full of baby. Some source said that LeAnn's permanently sunset eyes rose a bit when a pregnancy test she just peed on came up positive. But before Tweeting about how she's going to spend the rest of her holiday guzzling on tequila in Mexico, LeAnn denied that a tiny little Falcorling will flutter out of her vagina soon. I know LeAnn and Eddie's tongues usually smell like they've just tossed a bull's salad, but I believe her this time. If LeAnn was with child, she'd find a way to shove a Blackberry down her vagina canal and into the hands of her fetus so it could Twitter non-stop about how wonderful and blessed it feels to be inside of her. She's already trained Eddie to do that, so she'd definitely teach her unborn baby too. So yeah, no squint baby today. Here's LeAnn pulling a " Oh, let me casually put my hitchin' hand on Eddie's shoulder in front of the paparazzi so it can get a clear shot of my gigantic engagement ring " at LAX today. Bitch should just put a picture of her ring on a billboard already. | |
| And All Her Dreams Came True! | Top |
| The Sun got their hands on a bunch of Amy Wino's old notebooks circa 2001 found in a pile of trash on the streets of North London. You know, the former Crackie of Camden regularly lounged in a pile of trash on the streets of North London herself, so the notebooks were probably just trying to find their way back to their owner. But instead, they found their way into The Sun's offices who published pieces from that mess. In the notebooks, Wino wrote a few song lyrics, talked about a boy named Felix and listed all the things she's going to do when she gets a record deal. Well, Wino pretty much accomplished almost everything on her to do list except for the " get a gym membership " part. But who needs a gym membership when you've got crack. I love the "Live like the bombshell I really am " shit. That should be everyone's life goal. And through most of 2008 and 2009, Wino looked like she just crawled out of a nuclear bomb zone, so that counts, right? | |
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