The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Are These Two Going To Make A Habit Out Of This? | Top |
| All the goo goo ga ga-ing gossip amongst Beliebers around the diaper genie this morning was about Bieber Degeneres kissing on Selena de Rossi right after he beat out Kanye West for the most talented singing infant award at last night's BMAs. This is not the first time that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez touched mouths in front of a camera! And this time they did it in front of his mother while Selena wore a low-budget version of Demi Moore's ho dress from Indecent Proposal ! Maybe I grew up in a prude bubble, but when I was 17 I barely touched my boyfriend's hand in front of my mom. This is not how your mother is supposed to find out that your raging hormones have officially taken over. She's supposed to find out when she walks by his bedroom door and hears the frightening sounds of slurping and the murmurs of such sweet nothings like, " No, I think it goes in that one. " Then she's supposed to run to her bathroom and collapse in tears on her shaggy bath mat over realizing that the innocent baby who came out of her vagina is now cumming in his girlfriend's vaginaaaaaaah! After the rage burns off her tears, she grabs a bottle of Windex, picks the lock on her son's bedroom door with a wire hanger and sprays both of them while covering her eyes and screaming about how she doesn't want to be a young grandma! As his little girlfriend runs out of the house half-nekkid, mom lets him know that they aren't allowed to see each other again or she'll delete his Black Ops game and he'll have to start all over again. That's how it's supposed to go. How dare Justin Bieber rob his mother of such an important moment! Besides Justin's mom, here's who witnessed young gross love in action last night: Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Fergie, Ke$ha, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, DOWNTOWN JULIE BROWN!, Joe Jonas, Pedolena Gomez and Bieber with a golden dildo. | |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Everybody's Secret Father | Top |
| Because Dr. Quinn, medicine woman, knows all, Jane Seymour was one of the first to say The Sperminator spawned at least two more secret love children and she wouldn't be surprised if there's more out there (cue up The X-Files theme ). According to biographer Ian Halperin, there are more mini Ahnolds in the world who can bench press 100lbs with their eyeballs and rip a onesie just by flexing their baby biceps. Basically, when Arnold wasn't groping on anything with lady nipples, he was spraying his load everywhere. Ian tells the Daily Mail that he has spoken to six women who claim that Mildred Baena isn't the only side piece whose eggs got turned into Schwarzeneggs (sorry for that). Ian goes on to explain, " You're going to see a plethora of other women come out of the woodwork." The Daily Mail piece also claims that Arnold never gets down with " gorgeous women" because he doesn't want to be upstaged by their beauty and needs his women to worship him. Arnold has forever been Austria's biggest man whore and he sees most women as objects who are only here to give his ego an erection. What I'm learning about all of this is that if reincarnation exists, Arnold will definitely be reincarnated into a male seahorse in an ocean of female seahorses. Arnold will become the Michelle Duggar of male seahorses. I'm also learning that this is turning out to be exactly like the Tiger Woods saga. But instead of cocktail waitresses selling their gross stories to The National Enquirer, we're about to get a dozen " Yup, I'm Arnie's secret love child too!" covers of American Baby Magazine. If the #1 item on Arnie's cum bucket list is to go into the Guinness Book of World Records as the slut who has heard Maury say the words " You ARE the father!!!" the most times, then bitch is well on his way to achieving that goal. | |
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