The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- So Prince Hot Ginge Was Partying With Paid Whores Too
- Randy Jackson Gets Demoted From Judge To Mentor
- Tori Spelling Popped Out Another One
- LeAnn Rimes Isn't Really In Rehab, Is Suing Her Haters For Invading Her Privacy
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Taylor Swift Might Sing At A School For The Deaf Thanks To 4Chan
- Afternoon crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 30th!
- Open Post: Hosted By Tan Mom Being A Sad, Slurry, Drunk Wreck
| So Prince Hot Ginge Was Partying With Paid Whores Too | Top |
We already know that Prince Hot Ginge's naked party in his VIP suite at the Wynn in Las Vegas had appearances by his red pepper nipples, lines of coke, hos high on shrooms and weed, and now some source tells Radar that there were also pussy peddlers and drug dealers in the room. So basically, PHG's party was like every other party in Las Vegas. In Las Vegas, the only way to snort a line of the bad shit is to snort it off of a leased twat. The source says that on the night PHG was partying hard, he got a text from his coke dealing friend who was in the suite. The coke dealer pretty much live-texted the party to the source who had this to say about that night:
Can we just get the inevitable out the way and say that the afternoon after the party, PHG woke up in a puddle of monkey piss to find a dead hooker in the bathtub, a family of goats in the closet and a baby in his duffel bag. We've pretty much seen this movie! And I CAN'T with that hooker. In front of her was a drunk Prince Hot Ginge, a whole lot of drugs and his handlers were too busy getting lap dances from one cent skanks to do the job they were paid to do. Why didn't that pussy peddler drug PHG, sneak him out of the hotel and drag him to the nearest chapel to marry his ass and become an instant princess?! Shaking my head at that hooker. It's truly a sad day when a whore drops the ball. | |
| Randy Jackson Gets Demoted From Judge To Mentor | Top |
As expected, American Idol has taken the dawg out back and he won't be at the judge's table to hold down Mimi when she tries to butterfly punch Nicki Minaj's wig off. TMZ is hearing that Randy Jackson's judge's chair has been pulled out from under his ass and the producers are giving him the mentor role instead. The producers don't really want to give Randy the mentor role, but they're afraid that the world will stop spinning if he doesn't have someone to say "yo dawg, yo dawn, yo dawg, I wasn't feeling it, yo dawg, yo dawg" to all the time. The producers are looking to get the ass cheeks of a country star, like Keith Urban, in the third judge's chair and they also want to cast a fourth judge. Kanye West was talking to the producers at one point about having a seat at the judge's table, but that's not going to happen. So sadly, Ryan Gaycrest won't get a natural tan when Mimi and Kanye's egos rub together and sparks a wall of flames that shoots toward the stage. TMZ's source says that the producers aren't sure who should get the fourth seat, but I have two suggestions. Since they're just throwing piles of money at Mimi and Nicki, they should save a few coins by casting a plastic Randy Jackson bobble head doll that says "YO DAWG!" on a loop or they should try to get the empty RNC chair. If that empty chair can handle getting yelled at by Dirty Harry, it can totally handle those tone-deaf singing kids. | |
| Tori Spelling Popped Out Another One | Top |
Tori Spelling and her possum-eyed husband Dean McDERPott have a 5-year-old named Liam, a 4-year-old named Stella, a 10-month-old named Hattie and now they have a 15-hour-old named Finn Davey. So as you sip your morning cup of java-flavored liquid meth, take comfort in knowing that at any given time, Tori's either got a baby falling out of her cooch or Dean's peen falling into her cooch. Last night, Tori posted a picture on her website of a newborn's hand holding on to her finger (the baby diarrhea nail polish was a nice touch) and added the note:
Yeah, Liam, Stella, Hattie and Finn Davey. That reads like the character list of a lost Tennessee Williams play or like the fake names of the servers at a Mark Twain-themed restaurant. Tori's uterus is probably letting out a long sigh of relief because it's finally getting a moment to itself, but it shouldn't get used to being alone. Because as soon as Dean's peen looks at her for longer than ten seconds, she'll be knocked up again. Those Mon Calamaris are fertile bitches. | |
| LeAnn Rimes Isn't Really In Rehab, Is Suing Her Haters For Invading Her Privacy | Top |
The entire bikini industry is shaking out of their string bottoms, because their number one ho LeAnn Rimes is off soothing her splintered nerves somewhere. TMZ says that LeAnn is getting help for anxiety, but she isn't in rehab. LeAnn is in a Monday through Friday therapy center of some kind where she's learning how to cope with anxiety and stress. It's not really rehab, because LeAnn can leave on the weekends and she gets to keep her phone. Oh, rich, famous whores. When they get stressed out, they go to a luxurious spa with an advice booth for 30 days. When the rest of us get stressed out, we take a bath, pop half a Xanax and fucking deal. TMZ says that LeAnn became an anxious stick in a bikini when she spotted a wild snake at her hooves and galloped back to her stable. No, apparently there's a group of haters on Twitter who are firmly on Team Brandi Glanville (aka Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife) and are constantly throwing hate at LeAnn for slipping Eddie's wedding ring off with her snatch. Since crazy runs through LeAnn's system instead of protein, she constantly fights back at her haters on Twitter. This past spring, LeAnn got together with some of her Twitter friends in real life (????) and decided to call two of her haters to work things out. The two haters, Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley, taped the conversation and then splattered it all over the Internet. In the tape, LeAnn bashes Brandi, but she claims that Kimberly and Lexi edited that shit together. LeAnn is now suing the both of them for invasion of privacy. And that's why LeAnn is on the edge of having a meltdown. LeAnn, Kimberly and Lexi need to check into a junior high school for 30 days, because a) that's where their crazy asses belong; and b) that's where beyond stupid shit like this is usually resolved. Bitches swear they're in Mean Girls. Meanwhile, a source tells Radar that LeAnn is getting help for her anxiety issues, because she thinks Eddie is passing his peen to another and she's been stressing out about it. It really shouldn't surprise LeAnn if Eddie is dipping his noncommittal dick in the cooch wells of other tricks, because he's Eddie Cibrian and that's just what he does. I could understand if LeAnn is stressing out over that, because she's dickmatized and dickmatized hos usually go into panic mode when they think they're going to lose some good dick. But freaking out over Twitter? I have seen some of the tweets that LeAnn's haters send her and they do go extra hard and act like she fucked their man. Yes, LeAnn would probably fuck their man if she could, but I'm guessing she hasn't, so it's really not that serious. But if LeAnn can't take all the Twitter hate, she should use her fingers to explore a button called the DELETE button. Bitch doesn't need therapy, she just needs someone to show her how to delete her damn Twitter account. I swear, it's all fun and tweets until some crazy fame whore ends up in a luxurious therapy spa for 5 days a week. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
The empty chair that was the star of the RNC thanks to Clint Eastwood! For the final night of the Republican National Convention (I think it was the final night, I don't know these things), they brought out a very special "mystery guest" and that mystery guest was American treasure and my new favorite pepaw Clint Eastwood who took the "mystery" in mystery guest to a whole new level by making some of us wonder what the fuck his speech was about. For over 10 magical minutes, Clint gave a hilariously surreal speech (click here for the transcript which college theater students will be using as an audition monologue for years to come) about I don't know what, but then he really brought the theater and drama when he started arguing with an imaginary Obama sitting on a chair. It was some Grandpa Simpson yelling at a cloud shit and I loved all of it. I hope that after Clint left the stage, he yelled at a backstage water cooler for looking at him wrong and then when he sat on the toilet in his dressing room, he yelled at the roll of toilet paper for being so damn stupid. There's nothing more that needs to be said about this, because everyone, including the real Obama, has tweeted about this and it's already become a full-on meme. The only thing I have to say is that Clint Eastwood went ahead and made my day! And come November, I'm totally voting for that empty chair. Empty Chair 4 President! | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Deborah Gibson (42) | |
| Taylor Swift Might Sing At A School For The Deaf Thanks To 4Chan | Top |
To follow up their successful campaign to send Pitbull's ass to a Walmart in Alaska, 4Chan is now trying to send make Taylor Swift perform at a school for the deaf. I don't know if this is a potent act of bitchery or an act of bitchery mixed in with a little sweetness. Or mixed in with a lot of cruelness since many deaf children can hear and they'll be forced to listen to Taylor's goat yodeling. In a contest co-sponsored by Papa John's and Chegg, any school that gets the most votes on Facebook will win a visit and performance from Taylor Swift. The top 5 schools will also win a $10,000 grant for their music department. A quick second after 4Chan found out about the contest, The Horace Mann School for The Deaf and Hard of Hearing in Massachusetts became the clear leader and right now it has over 25,000 votes. The rules state that Taylor doesn't have to perform at the winning school if she doesn't want to, but her heart is made of crushed strawberry lollipops and Lisa Frank stickers so there's no way she'll turn down a school for the deaf. You know what's going to happen, though? Taylor's going to show up with her guitar and then she'll put it down before doing the entire performance in sign language. It'll be a win for the kids, because they'll get to see Taylor Swift's ass and their hearing aids won't explode from her live singing voice. But seriously, if you're the parent of a curly-haired tall boy who goes to Horace Mann, lock down your son right now, because that boytrap Taylor might be coming to town. | |
| Afternoon crumbs | Top |
QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: It's the last holiday weekend of the summer in the US, and so I'm taking my pasty carcass to the beach tonight. If the news tells you to stay away from Long Island, because a bloated sea creature more terrifying than the Montauk Monster has washed up on shore, it's just me passed out on my towel again. So because I'll be doing that, it will be a little lighter around here until Tuesday. And speaking of beaches (and bloated bitches)... The beach in Seaside Heights has officially declared been safe by the Health Department, because MTV has ended our long national nightmare by canceling Jersey Shore. Parents can finally let their kids go into the water without them worrying about coming back with Syphilis. I can't wait to see the Duck Phone in the new season of Celebrity Rehab. - The Superficial When are we going to find out that Winona Ryder is really an ageless vampire? - Lainey Gossip "Saving the world...." Yeah, that's what I say I'm doing when I'm really trolling for tricks on Grindr - Towleroad Kelly Brook's dress looks like the Hello Kitty pencil case I stole from my sister - Hollywood Tuna Aubrey HO'Day is so resourceful. I mean, turning a child's seatbelt into a pair of panties... - Drunken Stepfather Oh, don't mind Lea Michele, she's just looking for her humility - The Berry In other words, Rosie O'Donnell's new wife better make sure she passes every "smell yo poon" test - Celebitchy Ke$hit's pussy looks traumatized - Just Jared If the trick suing Kris Humphries for giving her the Herp gets any money out of this, Derek Jeter is screwed - ICYDK I'd like to think that Mila Kunis showing her midriff is her way of letting us know that no, she's not knocked up with AssStain Kutcher's baby - Popoholic I hope JLo's 3D concert movie co-starring Casper Smart is rated under PG-13 or the theater might not let him in to see it - Popsugar The hell did they do to Goofy? - OMG Blog That low-budget blue background is making Beyonce and Anderson Cooper look like human Shrinky Dinks - SOW Michael Keaton will play a villain in the remake of the last movie that needs to be remade - Hollywood Rag Are we sure this isn't really fan art of Phoebe Price as Ke$hit? - Cityrag Bush (the first one) doing an impersonation of Dana Carvey doing an impersonation of Bush (the first one) - Videogum Today's "fighting the hot" moment is brought to you by ASkars looking like Kristen Stewart in Panic Room - I'm Not Obsessed | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For August 30th! | Top |
via Metro UK | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Tan Mom Being A Sad, Slurry, Drunk Wreck | Top |
| So much for that tan-under. Since Tan Mom is so used to getting roasted, Bianca Del Rio and Lady Bunny tried to roast her ass at an event called "Tan Mom at Hot Mess" at the gay club XL in NYC last night, but it's kind of impossible to roast something that keeps drunkenly falling off the grill while shouting at everybody. From the video (via Gawker), this doesn't look like a roast. It looks like a tragic performance art piece about the life and times of White Oprah. On the red carpet before the roast, Tan Mom fell over and a source tells The Post that she attacked a drag queen. They eventually got her on stage, but once she was there she was incoherent, cursed bitches out and kept blabbering on about how she didn't put her kid in a tanning bed (cut to her kid locked in a tanning bed at home, because a locked tanning bed IS the best babysitter). It ended with Tan Mom getting kicked off the stage. You should immediately download this video to your phone, because the next time one of your friends gets on your ass for being a sloppy drunk who is known to pass out on a McDonald's toilet after barfing into it, show them this. At least you don't get as messy as this mess. | |
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