The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Phantom Of WTF
- Anne Hathaway's "Les Miz" Director Begged Her To Stop Losing Weight
- Katt Nipped
- Hot Sluts Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Japanese Porn Starlet Uta Kohaku Can Now Host A Bukakke Party For One
- You Ran Over My Fucking FOOT, But I'm Richard Simmons, So I'm Cool Like That
- Hulk Hogan Is Opening A Breastaraunt
- Like Anyone Is Looking At Your Hair, Please
- Afternoon Crumbs
| Phantom Of WTF | Top |
Well, at least Kim Kartrashian isn't the only one who Kanye covers in thirty layers of fuckery. Kanye does it to himself too. During his show at Revel in Atlantic City last night, Kanye West wore two Maison Martin Margiela masks: a rhinestone one that made him look like Liberace as a dom top and a feather one that made him look like Yeti sperm. I'm guessing that Khloe Kardashian wasn't in the audience, because if she was, she would've charged the stage, tackled Kanye took the ground, sunk her teeth into the back of his neck and dragged him up into her lair in the hills to mate with him while the other Yetis howled around them. Kanye's rhinestone mask IS the look, but that feather mask is very "owl with a mullet wearing its communion suit" or "preacher eagle." Below is a clip from Rolling Stone of Kanye performing while looking like a bunch of doves crashed into his face (homage to Fabio?) . Why isn't anybody in the audience throwing bird seed at Kanye's ass? This is what it looks like when doves cum all over Kanye's face. But seriously, I need to stop the hate. Seeing Kanye with a face full of feathers and a face full of rhinestones is much better than seeing Kanye's bare face. So what I'm saying is that bitch has never looked hotter. | |
| Anne Hathaway's "Les Miz" Director Begged Her To Stop Losing Weight | Top |
A couple of years back, actress Melissa Leo was GUNNING for that Oscar for her performance in The Fighter. Real talk - she deserved it because she completely brought to life a scary beehived bitch from Lowell (I live in Massachusetts and I've known a few). But she got super cheesy in pursuing the gold-plated acting dildo. She took out full page ads in the trades inexplicably featuring herself in a polar bear skin by a pool (elegant?) and another one of her bending forward in an evening dress showing cleavage (sensual?) and they read simply "CONSIDER". It was a little bizarre, kinda hammy,and way desperate. And now whenever Anne Hathaway does an interview about her hunger strike for Miserable Lesbians, all I can picture is a big "CONSIDER" floating over her shorn head in blinking lights. Your mom, that last bill collector you had to speak to because you forget to use a foreign accent and say "wrong numbah", and every gay you know have already marveled at you about Anne Hathaway dropping 25 lbs. to play a dying French hooker so she can snatch an Oscar. US (via the Los Angeles Times) notes that her director Tom Hooper felt that Anne subsisting on little more than oatmeal bark and insane ambition for her role was a little much. "Tom didn't like what I was doing, but he understood why I was doing it," the actress counters. "No one liked what I was doing. By the end, people were hugging me, and they would get emotional because I felt so frail." They were emotional because they didn't want you to die in front of them, tragic heroine! Hunger hasn't made the smart (formerly) fat girl any less modest. "I see the sort of work that people like Meryl Streep and Cate Blanchett and Kate Winslet can do, and I want to do that level of work so badly," she tells the L.A. Times of those Oscar winners. "But I don't believe I'm as gifted as them. So the only thing I can control is how hard I work at it -- how much do I commit to it? How far will I take it?" Let's make going anorexic the finish line, Anne. What's after that? Giving yourself cancer? Committing suicide at the end of a shoot? The Academy better "CONSIDER" Anne because I fear for the seats around her if they announce another gal's name. Charlize Theron is lucky she shaved her dome if she's seated near this crazy that night. Because Anne is gonna be snatching weaves and bath salt bitin' faces if she doesn't win this shit. Check out more pics of Anne Hathaway post-shopping with her husband Adam Shulman in the gallery. | |
| Katt Nipped | Top |
Katt Williams, aka the lesser Flava Flav, is back in the news and no, not for his stand-up comedy act. He was arrested yesterday morning for endangering his CHIRRUNS by decorating their home with guns and illegal drugs for the holiday season instead of boring ass wreaths and candy canes. How festive, why didn't I think of that? TMZ says the LAPD picked Katt up HUH. WHO. COULD. HAVE. GUESSED that this guy was doing illegal drugs?? I thought he just had a thing for flexing his Napoleon complex by slapping every ho (example 1, 2 and 3) who wouldn't slap back for absolutely no reason. You learn something new! Sweet, now I can take "Gacked Out Unstable Midgets With Anger Management Issues" for $100.00, Alex. He's being held on $100,000.00 bond for (possible felony) child endangerment and since the IRS has also taped a lien on his forehead (his ass is too low to reach) for $4 million, I'm guessing he might be having a little trouble coming up with the cash. Little angry man, please. Just smoke some weed with Snoop, which is not a felony in Cali btw, stay away from the hard shit, take yourself down another notch (to the basement), CALM THE FUCK DOWN and take care of your kids. Your short stack ass is actually funny, don't waste your talent on stupid shit. Too bad Cops has been cancelled. I really would have loved to see him jumping up to bitch slap at an officer's crotch. | |
| Hot Sluts Of The Day! | Top |
The Chicklets from Punky Brewster The 80s threw these hot bitches up and thank God for it. The Chicklets were a VERY cool and exclusive club that decided to let Punky and Cherie in as members so they could all do drugs in Punky's jacked up treehouse. And talk about drugs! One of the greatest scenes in TV history occurs when the head Chicklet whips out her stash and bitch has joints, pills AND a vial of crack! I think there's some Benadryl in there. Unfortunately we don't get to see anyone get high and fall out of the treehouse, but this is THE textbook "very special episode" about drugs. It speaks for itself. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Jude Law (40) | |
| Japanese Porn Starlet Uta Kohaku Can Now Host A Bukakke Party For One | Top |
That's Japanese porn actress Uta Kohaku peacing out over her new jizz collection. As part of the promotion for her upcoming epic Semen Collection 2 (this bitch is literal), she asked dudes on Twitter to send her their spunk. Over 100+ dudes set aside the encrusted sock they normally dicksneeze into, and shot into bottles. And sent them to her. She received all of these donations (complete with the guy's name) within a 10-day period, according to The Huffington Post. Uta was incredibly grateful for the outpouring of jizz that came her way, and promised to "care for them as if it were my own child." She's very maternal. The film has already begun shooting, and Uta hasn't said what she will be doing with the semen during the film or after. We have several male celebrities in this country who will gladly recycle those bottles for you, Uta. Just send them in care of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, Los Angeles, California. I don't think I'm going to be having mayo on any of my sandwiches for the forseeable future. She sucks for that. | |
| You Ran Over My Fucking FOOT, But I'm Richard Simmons, So I'm Cool Like That | Top |
| PLEASE do not disfigure Richard Simmons, EVER. Who could do such a thing? In this video from TMZ, some Asian guy (okay, stop with the Asian driving jokes) did just that, and watch how Richard handles his flattened foot situation. Too cute. Richard Simmons is the hot slut of this and every generation, okay??? RECOGNIZE, step off (his foot, no seriously, step off), and give a little love to the man who believes that fitness is fun while the rest of us just go "meh" and scratch at our hairy FUPAS. Go Richard! | |
| Hulk Hogan Is Opening A Breastaraunt | Top |
Florida is the land where PCP zombies eat people's faces, Christian Slater's importance isn't recognized, and true beauty is found. It will now have a state restaurant because prototypical Sunshine State resident Hulk Hogan is opening an eatery. Brooke Hogan must need a job, and personal buttocks masseuse to her father has probably taken a John Travolta-esque turn for the worse by now. It's going to be one of those places where the waitresses dress like perky whores, and use their tits to distract you from the fact that the food tastes like shit. Hence the term (via The Huffington Post) "breastaraunt." [Sidenote - It should be noted that the food at those places is bogus except for the chicken wings at Hooters. Holy Jeezum, those are good. My other fag-o-trons and I often go there just for the wings. We have to use the table tent to shield our eyes from all the orange nyloned cameltoe while we eat, though.] "Hogan's Beach" is opening on New Year's Eve in Tampa Bay, so I urge you to call for reservations now or download some sort of app to do it in case the line is busy. He told the Tampa Bay Times that it's "going to be Jimmy Buffett's [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10" with Hulk Hogan shit on the walls like it was T.G.I.Fuckhead's. It will also feature "a mechanical shark ride, volleyball courts, fire pits, cabanas and tiki huts." You know, the purpose of this post was to bag on Hulk Hogan's burn victim tits' opening a restaurant. But getting shitfaced and watching drunken Floridian fupa queens break their asses being hurled from a mechanical shark might be a good time. I'm in. I'll just stick to the assuredly overpriced drinks. You can assume that the food is on par with a Guy Fieri venture. | |
| Like Anyone Is Looking At Your Hair, Please | Top |
Don't-Focus-On-My-Tatas-Even-Though-I-Shove-Them-Up-To-My-Eyebrows-In-Plunging-Necklines advocate Christina Hendricks would like you to quit staring at her luscious bewbs for a second and focus on her hair instead. For all of us str8 women who are able to defy the odds and actually drag our eyeballs up there, she wants us to know that her modeling agency once said HELL NO!! to her signature fiery locks. The naturally blond Christina (prove it! - half the planet) dyed her hair bright red for a photo shoot and was met by a "Daaamn girl, you ugly!" from the head of her agency. In Christina's words (via the Daily Mail):
I kind of have to agree with her that the red suits her and helps her stand out in a sea of blindingly bleached blond bimbos (say that three times really fast, I dare you) but really, who gives a shit. Good, hair talk times are over and now our ADD asses can go back to being mesmerized by her real stand out features, those twin Verne Troyers half out of her top. | |
| Afternoon Crumbs | Top |
Chestica Simpson's 10-gallon pregnancy chichis are already in their fifth trimester - Hollywood Tuna Michael Buble isn't going to let some falling snow stop him from wearing hipster circa 2008 glasses - Lainey Gossip The pilled-up hillbilly robot that is Brit Brit Spears is not coming back to The X-Factor, so now Simon Cowell can do what he should've done in the beginning: make his furry tit pies permanent judges - Celebitchy Brendon Ayanbadejo says that around 3% of the NFL is gay and I need to know if Andy Dalton falls into that 3% so that I can adjust my fap time fantasies accordingly - Towleroad Remember the time Katy Perry's ass crack made an appearance in San Dimas - The Superficial It's nice to know that when your eyes haven't adjusted to the morning light yet and you see a picture of Channing Tatum and his wife, you mistake them for Carrot Top and Courteney Cox - ICYDK Break out the industrial-strength RID, one of Charlie Sheen's dick crabs escaped out of his pants again - SOW Sofia Vergara dressed like a go-go dancer at a club inspired by Venom from Spider-Man - IDLYITW What happens when a Magic Troll doll takes ecstasy at the Enchanted Forest rave - Drunken Stepfather Nice try, Vanessa Hudgens, but showing off your yoga mat peen still isn't going to get Zac Efron back - Popoholic Justin Bieber's secret love child with Usher is adorable - Just Jared It wouldn't be the holiday season without a small peek of Simon Cowell's glorious tit fur - Popsugar Kim Kartrashian, OctoMom or an orangutan's swollen anal glands? - Cityrag Gerard Pique might've been joking, but I still hope that they name their kid Inocencio - I'm Not Obsessed Stephanie Seymour is smoking on the beach and you would be too if you just humped the waves - Hollywood Rag | |
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