The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For December 3rd!
- Open Post: Hosted By Heidi Klum's Bedazzled Face
- Katt Williams Finally Got Arrested For Something
- The IRS Seized All Of Lindsay Lohan's Bank Accounts
- Prince Hot Ginge Is Going To Be An Uncle!
- Taylor Swift And Harry Styles Go For A Totally Natural And Not-At-All-Staged Stroll Through Central Park
- SCANDAL (Not Really): Julia Roberts Holds Hands With Julianne Nicholson
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 30th!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For December 3rd! | Top |
via Izismile | |
| Open Post: Hosted By Heidi Klum's Bedazzled Face | Top |
Heidi Klum's annual Halloween extravaganza was canceled this year, because of Hurricane Sandy. But because Heidi Klum hoarded the world's supply of sequins and rhinestones for her Halloween costume and couldn't let it go to waste, she threw a Haunted Holiday Charity Party in NYC over the weekend. I don't know what was bright and shinier: the guest list which included stars of the A-list universe like Sandra "Pepa" Denton, Jay Manuel (as a demon Ke$ha) and the yoga turtle OR Heidi's face? Heidi Klum dressed up as Cleopatra for her party and she turned it up all the way by wearing rave boots on roids and bedazzling her entire face. Did I really need to know what a bukkake facial from Adam Lambert, Liberace and Walter Mercado looks like? NIGHTMARES!!! You know what else probably looked like a nightmare? Her bodyguard/boyfriend's dick. After they got sexy at the end of the night, his crotch was covered in Magic Troll Doll belly buttons. | |
| Katt Williams Finally Got Arrested For Something | Top |
Spreading the fuckery finally caught up with Katt Williams again. Two Sundays ago, Katt used a Rascal scooter and a three-wheeled motorcycle to terrorize Target and the streets of Sacramento. Katt might have gotten away with slapping down a Target employee, but he didn't get away with attacking a ho with a cue stick in Seattle yesterday. Will somebody please put this ragey troll toddler in a high-chair and stick a pacifier in his mouth after dipping it in lude dust and hash. Bitch needs to calm himself. Katt was in Seattle for a show on Thursday and a show on Friday. Katt was a no-show on Thursday, and Friday's show ended with an appearance by the cops. Three of his (former) fans claimed he attacked their asses when they tried to get a picture with him. Katt claimed the fans broke into his dressing room. Nobody was arrested. But then on Sunday afternoon, Katt went wild at the World Sports Grille in Seattle. E! News says that Katt got into a verbal fight with several people and when he was told to leave, he waved a pool cue at the bar manager. Katt then followed a family outside and as they got into their car, he launched a cigarette through a car window. The lit cigarette hit a woman right below her eye. Katt also threw a rock at the car. The police showed up, Katt resisted arrest and they eventually got him into handcuffs and dragged him to jail. Katt was booked for investigation of assault, harassment and obstructing police officers. Suge Knight, who is Katt's tour manager, bailed him out this morning. Katt and Lindsay Lohan are seriously trying to beat each other's record. There's only one way to handle this. Tie a bag of the bad shit around Katt's neck, tie a bag of the bag shit around LiLo's neck and lock them in an empty room together. Close your eyes, cover your ears and wait until they snort each other up. Yeah, right. They'd probably bond over their mutual love of slapping and snorting, and become a two-headed Cracken monster that will destroy the world. | |
| The IRS Seized All Of Lindsay Lohan's Bank Accounts | Top |
"DENIED, BITCH!" is what the cash machine will scream at White Oprah today when she tries to use a skimmed copy of Lindsay Lohan's ATM card. Lindsay Lohan apparently owes the IRS more than $233,000 for not paying taxes in 2009 and 2010, and even though Charlie Sheen tried to save her by giving her $100,000, it wasn't enough. The IRS seized all of her bank accounts, which means that every member of the Lohan family will be at the soup kitchen asking where the open bar is. TMZ, of course, says that the IRS tried to work with LiLo, but they're stick of waiting around for her to pay up and she hasn't even paid her 2011 taxes, so they froze her accounts to try to get paid. One source says that LiLo is freaking out about how her financial situation is rushing down a gutter river headed straight for a storm drain. LiLo is doing whatever she can to pay off her debt with the IRS. That means we can expect the following headlines from TMZ: 1. LINDSAY LOHAN ARRESTED FOR ORGAN TRAFFICKING - TRIED TO SELL BROTHER'S KIDNEY! 2. FBI BUSTS LINDSAY LOHAN'S GERIATRIC PROSTITUTION RING - SHE TRIED TO SELL NANA LOHAN AND ALI LOHAN! 3. LINDSAY LOHAN ARRESTED FOR ALLEGEDLY STEALING HOMELESS MAN'S $100 BOOTS! The IRS is so shameless. They're obviously using Lindsay Lohan to get their 15 minutes of fame. They're going to hire Gloria Allred, give interviews to The Insider and start tweeting about how she called them a racial slur. They obviously set LiLo up. They're nothing but publicity whores. It's a good thing that like every good mess, LiLo keeps all her money in the toilet tank. | |
| Prince Hot Ginge Is Going To Be An Uncle! | Top |
Duchess Kate officially has a royal case of the babies and she's laid up in the hospital, because she can't stop barfing. The Palace announced the news today:
December 3, 2012 is the day where I felt jealousy toward a fetus, because it will get its first vodka shot from Prince Hot Ginge at Christmas dinner in a few years and it gets to sit on PHG's lap whenever it wants. And I really hope Prince William and Kate name their kid "Morrissey." | |
| Taylor Swift And Harry Styles Go For A Totally Natural And Not-At-All-Staged Stroll Through Central Park | Top |
If Taylor Swift's friends got a peen for every time they heard her say, "No, for real, it's true love fo eva this time," they'd almost have more dick than her coochie game pulls in on a regular basis. Serial boy collector, skilled stalker and real estate mogul Taylor Swift has pretty much dropped her dream of becoming Jackie Kennedy Onassis and now she wants to be the Yoko Ono of One Direction. As the One Direction fangirls made Swifty voodoo dolls out of their American Girl Kristen Doll yesterday afternoon, Taylor and her newest 18-year-old piece Harry Styles went to the Central Park Zoo with a baby she kidnapped, because she wants to give the tabloids a file photo to use for when the pregnancy rumors come out. Today, Harry and Taylor will show up to a Starbucks and she'll wear an antique lace wedding dress to give the tabloids a file photo for when those inevitable marriage rumors come out. Taylor is looking out for you tabloid photo editors. The humanized version of an Electric Dream Phone, Harry Styles, his hairstylist and his hairstylist's baby went to see the sea lions and I'm sure they also fed the ducks, shared a pumpkin spice latte and later curled each other's hair before having a pillow fight on her princess canopy bed. You know, some people are screaming about how Taylor keeps trolling kindergarten playgrounds for boyfriends since lately she's been dating barely legal twinks. But Taylor is a 12-year-old girl trapped in a Pollyanna mannequin, so she's actually dating dudes older than her. And I'm so mad at that sea lion right now. A dolphin bit a little girl at SeaWorld and this sea lion couldn't keep the trend going by biting Taylor Swift's ass? You disappoint us all, sea lion. | |
| SCANDAL (Not Really): Julia Roberts Holds Hands With Julianne Nicholson | Top |
On Friday, I posted a blind item from CDAN about how an A-list movie actress has always wanted to dip into the poon and finally got her chance when she met a special lady friend on the set of her new movie. And here's, Julia Roberts and her August: Osage County co-star Julianne Nicholson holding hands while walking to a restaurant in Venice, CA last week. Yes, Julia and Julianne are also eating with Ewan McGregor and Dermot Mulroney (aka their beards), but we all know that when two grown women who don't share the same blood are walking hand-in-hand in the middle of a parking lot, it obviously means that they're scissoring until their pubes burn off. LEZ-BEE-AAAAANS! And they're both wearing leather boots. And they're both wearing jeans. And they're both wearing messenger bags. And all those three things put together* obviously means that they're shopping for power tools together at Home Depot on Sundays. * Those three things put together don't mean that | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For November 30th! | Top |
Men sitting, women standing - it's got to be "Toilets by Yoko". - TexnDoc Runners-up: This Christmas, Sharper Image presents its line of "HÜGS" home decor -- each piece uses computer imaging to give the exact experience of being hugged by a generously proportioned celebrity. From left: The Val Kilmer, The Anthony Anderson, and the perennial best-seller, The Aretha. - Strepsi Lindsay's coke boogers swear under oath that she is clean and sober. - Sweetas | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Austin Cooper, a student at Central Florida University who using the holy power of man nipples to protest against a crazy fundamentalist preacher. This video was uploaded to YouTube over a year ago and it started making the rounds last week, but it's never too late to pay homage to a dude who knows how to handle a crazy bitch. When a fundamentalist preacher started spewing shit-covered dumbness from his mouth, Austin Cooper silently responded by stripping down and laying down the sex on the lawn. The preacher then mouth farts out some serious logic when he says that Austin's half-naked body is turning straight ladies into lesbians. That makes sense! Dumb bitch. If anything, Austin is turning a temporary straight into a gay dude again. I mean, when I stared at the preacher looking like a chorus member from an Amish production of Newsies, I turned straight for a minute. But when Austin took his clothes off, I turned gay again. And you know, this preacher should also get HSOTD honors, because bitch says some funny shit. via Towleroad | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Anna Chlumsky (32) | |
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