The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
- The Beer Snatch(er) Of Zachary, LA
- Megan Fox Admits She Has Some Kind Of Mental Problem
| Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond! | Top |
| 38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand's perfect toes touched Earth's soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called " lucite " before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna! Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history! You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick's, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand! And Shauna didn't wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd. | |
| The Beer Snatch(er) Of Zachary, LA | Top |
| 42-year-old Lisa Newsome was arrested after she was caught on tape stuffing a 24-can case of beer up her muumuu and shoving several bottles of Coke in her titty area at a convenience store in Zachary, LA. I guess bitch wanted some beer in a bad way that she didn't care about getting a yeast infection. Yes, I'm here all week! When Lisa was busted by the cops, she admitted that she stole the 20-pound case with help from her thieving snatch. Lisa even offered to demonstrate, but the cops told her to keep her chonies on. Lisa is still in jail on $1,000 bond. The cops may not want to see Lisa's suction cup pussay at work, but I do! Homegirl has some major skills. Although, if Michelle Duggar ever gets into a life of crime, everybody should be scared. Screw a measly 24-pack, Michelle could swallow up an entire Old Milwaukee Brewery and then some! VIA We Saw That | |
| Megan Fox Admits She Has Some Kind Of Mental Problem | Top |
| Do you know what time it is, class? It's time for another priceless lecture from your favorite professor: Dr. Nag Em ( an anagram for Megan ) Fox !!! This time around, Megan is getting really personal. All of you Marilyn Monroe fans out there (I'm talking to you, HoHan ) might want to wrap your keyboard with Saran wrap, because you will get vommy all over it. In the new issue of Wonderland Magazine (via The Examiner ), Megan queefs, " I basically read every book ever written about Marilyn Monroe. I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I'm a borderline personality—or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia. I definitely have some kind of mental problem and I haven't pinpointed what it is. " Hmm...Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'm guessing Megan has a severe case of verbal bulimia with just a mild dash of Mememememem Syndrome and maybe a bit of Cockalitis of the throat. The cure is to take 50mgs of STFU every hour on the hour! | |
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