The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Save Knut's Nuts!!!!!! | Top |
| Don't look now, but here comes PETA again trying to kill a bitch's good time. PETA has called for Knut's nuts on a silver platter, because the former child star of the Berlin Zoo has been getting a little too sexy with a female polar bear who goes by the name of (read this in a light whisper) Giovanna . Yup, it's always a Giovanna. Trouble-making tramp. PETA's resident polar bear expert (who got the title after eating an entire box of Klondike bars) says that Knut and Giovanna should not be allowed to rub genitals, because they are first cousins. Cue the entire Spears family saying, " SO!? " The expert explained, " Any offspring would threaten the genetic diversity of the polar bear population in Germany and risk exposing the bear couple to a condition known as 'incest depression.' Knut fans need to know that only Knut's castration would allow a long life together with Giovanna ." You know what's worse than incest depression? Not having a fucking nutsack! My own dog will never forgive me for that one. I see the shank eye he gives me when he's licking the area where his pride and joy used to be. Whenever he walks into the room while I'm changing, I have to cover up my down low goods really fast or else he'll think that I'm teasing him. Sad. I should really look into getting him testicle implants . Back to Knut's nuts! Can't they just put Giovanna on the pill? Or give Knut condoms? Or make him swear on a block of ice that he'll pull out and cum on her bear cheeks (we know how that works)? Ugh. The Spears or the Cyrus family should really take Giovanna and Knut in. They understand. via The Awl | |
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
| This mainly famous for television actor used to be B list. I guess he is C list now. His fault really. Not because of acting but because of something else he did. Anyway, he is supposed to be and claims to be on the straight and narrow but that doesn't appear to be the case. Last week he jumped at the chance to hit on an underage girl and in a second episode offered another girl coke to have sex with him. ( CDAN ) When I read this, I immediately felt a pain in my chest. No, it wasn't from the 3 microwave taquitos I had for lunch. You only experience a pain like that when Andy Dick gropes you without asking first. So because of this, I'm going with Andy Dick even though it's probably not him. Andy doesn't do " straight and narrow. " Well, he wouldn't do it without lubing it up first. Okay, he still would. He would just spit on his palm. This actor, who is trying to revive a slowed-down career through a network show actually thinks he is finally back on his way to fame. He allegedly got the part to begin with by sleeping with the wife of a network executive so that she'd put a good word in, and he's willing to do anything to be back in the limelight again. He decided that at a recent event with other celebrities, he would try and glad-hand and network as much as possible. A little kissing up never hurts right? Not in this case. The actor went up to a B-list actress and thought he'd compliment her on her dress. As he was making a polite remark, he brushed the fabric on her dress and somehow ended up pulling her top down. (We're not sure how it happened exactly. No one can agree on what happened. One source said they thought he did it on purpose, but everything we've heard say it was an accident.) She was embarrassed, but started to laugh it off, when he grabbed her breast and tried to put it back in the dress himself. Luckily, only a small group of people saw the incident, but the actress- and her husband were furious. Not Chris O'donnell. ( BuzzFoto ) Peter Krause ? A certain famous married director has been filming more than feature films. He has used his own camera to record some of his very personal moments with his favorite actress. She hit the roof when she found out but can't do very much about it. She knows that if she tries to take any sort of legal action, it would quickly become public knowledge, and she absolutely will not tolerate any hits to either her personal reputation or her current relationship. He has agreed to destroy the footage in exchange for her commitment to a future project of his. Frankly, we would take any promises made as a result of blackmail with a grain of salt. ( Blind Gossip ) Woody Allen & ScarJo ? Imagine the skidmarks he makes with his nose when he motorboats. The " salt " clue also makes me think it could St. Angie and Phillip Noyce ? This is what Phillip looks like. A total upgrade! | |
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