The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Jennifer Aniston Got Herself A Sexy Thanksgiving Piece (Not Really) | Top |
| This year, Jennifer Aniston did not spend her Thanksgiving bawling out an ocean of lonely tears that could carry the Mayflower back to America. And she didn't gorge herself on three Hungry Man turkey meals and a pint of pumpkin pie ice cream while her Beanie Baby collection (dressed in pilgrim outfits made from yarn) watched. No, this year Jennifer Aniston joined Grey Goose's favorite beej giver Chelsea Handler down in Los Cabos, Mexico! No llorando for Aniston! And Aniston got a littler closer to what the paps called a "mysterious and dark haired hunk". The only mystery surrounding this dude is if he uses pina colada or raspberry scented lube to give his boyfriend an early morning handjob. I mean, really... Just because Jennifer is hugging on a dude, doesn't mean she's sticking her hard nips in his mouth hole later! Jennifer's Malan -alike friend is obviously just giving her a consoling " It's okay, I don't think Christopher Columbus had a man on Thanksgiving either" hug. He's not smiling because he can't wait to stick the tip in later, he's smiling because her hair smells like delicious Strawberry Suave shampoo. Most of my gay friends looooooved Strawberry Suave shampoo as a child and still do. I use it as bubble bath and sometimes when my tub of Wet goes empty, I dab a dollop on my... Okay, I'm stopping! | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
| Tom Ryan from Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds commercial! It isn't the holiday season until a diamond-encrusted pistol shoots out Liz Taylor's classic and legendary White Diamonds commercial! Fuck Santa Claus. This is the real HO HO HO that summons the holidays. It's the shiny tip on your dreidel, the sparkly star on your Christmas tree or the corn nuts around your Kwanzaa cake . And the frosted over beauty Elizabeth Taylor isn't the only star of this masterpiece, credit also goes to TOM RYAN! Tom Ryan is Dame Liz's arch rival who she tries to destroy by giving her lucky diamond earrings to his Go Fish (or whatever the hell game they're playing) opponent. Watch this masterpiece below if you haven't already overdosed on it: If it wasn't for that shifty and scheming Tom Ryan, Liz would've never cooed out the quote of the holidays, "NOT SO FAST, TOM RYAN! " A line you can use all year long. When your holiday ho pokes you in the wrong part and gets a little rowdy on your genitals, simply tell him, " Not so fast, Tom Ryan!" When one of your cousin tries to snatch the last Kraft Single and Crescent Roll-ups, tell that bitch, " Not so fast, Tom Ryan!" And during Black Friday today, when a trick threatens to pull a gun on your ass after trying to cut in line at Toys 'R Us, you know what to tell that crazy. Happy (Karen) Black Friday to you, Elizabeth and Tom Ryan! | |
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