The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
| Kunty Karl Eats With His Nose | Top |
| In order to fit into a pair of -10 jeans, Karl Lagerfeld's entire digestive system was removed, so now he gets his nutrients from feeding off of the gasps the audience at his fashion shows make when he sends a $3,000 cob web tunic down the runway. And he also gets life when he listens to the remaining fat on a model eating away at itself after she snorts a line of the bad shit. So because of this, I thought it was a little crotch-scratching strange when Magnum ice cream hired Karl to directed their commercial starring Rachel Bilson . I used to think that Karl Lagerfeld and ice cream went together like Donald Trump and common sense. But Kunty Karl tells W Magazine that he's actually a perfect fit since his father was a milkman of sorts and he looooooves chocolate even if it never passes through his zombie lips. So why ice cream? Don't forget my father was a milkman. He produced Carnation milk in Europe under different names, so I like to say he was a milkman. And ice cream is made with milk, no? Do you eat it? I would love to if I was allowed to eat sugar, but my doctor told me that sugar wasn't needed for me so I haven't touched it in ten years. I also did the ad for Dom Pérignon and I don't drink alcohol, but I think it's a very civilized drink. Do you crave sugar? No. Gone. But I like chocolate. I don't eat it, but I like the smell of it. People can drink with their eyes; I can eat with my nose. I would love to have a perfume based on chocolate. " I can eat with my nose ." - White Oprah's newest diet mantra | |
| Will.i.am Joins The Baby Wipes Movement | Top |
| We already know that Terrence Howard won't go near a vagina unless it smells like a freshly cleaned baby's asshole. Now Will.i.am of the Let Me Give You a Black Eye Please is standing next to Terry Howard as a vocal member of the Baby Wipes Movement. Because Will.i.am is a period smuggler, he thinks it's okay for him to talk about the cleanliness of a woman's nether regions. But he goes even further by telling Elle that there are a million uses for baby wipes and every women should keep them next to her sink. After basically saying that only whores keep condoms in their houses, Will.i.cant gave his baby wipe tips to Elle : ELLE: If you walked into a woman's house, what one item would convince you that you weren't compatible? W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin' throw me off. That's just tacky. ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she's got a few in a drawer, wouldn't that simply suggest she's health-conscious? W : I just think, like, if you're into someone and you guys get to that level, then that's something you should converse about together and say, "Hey, maybe we should get some." Another pet peeve is wet sinks. ELLE: Wet sinks? W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don't wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she's got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain't got no baby wipes? ELLE: I've heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you? W: Here's proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You're going to get chocolate in the cracks. That's why you gotta get them baby wipes. Yes, because a woman keeping a life-saving device (that will protect her from getting knocked up with dumbasses like Will.i.am) in her house is tacky . But using a baby wipe to clean your floor isn't tacky at all. Somebody take a ball point pen and press it on this factory defected C-3PO's reset button, because he's talking nuts. They're called BABY wipes for a reason. They're for BABIES ! If they were called pussy & floor wipes, we wouldn't be having this discussion! Would you ever use a pussy & floor wipe to clean a baby's ass? Actually, Will.i.cant would. (Thanks Michele) | |
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