The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Praise Xenu Claus For Giving Us This Early Christmas Gift!
- JLo's Kid Is Really Excited About Being At The Chanel Fashion Show In Paris
- RuPaul's Drag Race Contestant Sahara Davenport Has Passed Away
- The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 1st!
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Taylor Swift Is Not Going To Give A Concert At A School For The Deaf
- Night Crumbs
- Speaking Of Scaring Wild Beasts.....
- Open Post: Nishanto The Bear Scarer
| Praise Xenu Claus For Giving Us This Early Christmas Gift! | Top |
Pour me a cup of hot cocoa, because I butt birthed out a peppermint-flavored marshmallow just from looking at this cover of Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta's new holiday album of music. This is what it would look like if the meaning of plastic surgery and the meaning of gay became conjoined twins. Everything about this piece of art is a work of true beauty and let's analyze it all: 1. The Christmas tree in the background! That tree dimmed its lights, because it wanted to give all the attention to the sparkly twinkles in John and Olivia's eyes that only show up when they join fabulous forces by touching heads. 2. The teacups, which are pissed off, because they aren't the most precious things in this picture. 3. Olivia's face, which has gone from looking like that of a human's to that of a plastic Thundercat's. 4. The thing on John Travolta's head, which has replaced the pink fairy princess tiara as the gayest headpiece in the world. They must've shot this picture in the middle of a freezer, because I can't believe that Sharpie puddle on John's head isn't melting from the heat he and Olivia are making. I've seen cartoon hair that looks more life-like and real than John's spray-on helmet. How many Caltrans workers did it take to paint that pristine hairline? That hairline might be the straightest thing about John. AND NineMSN says that my new favorite Christmas album feature a guest spot by BARBARA STREISAND! I love it when the punchlines punch themselves. (Thanks to everybody who sent this in) | |
| JLo's Kid Is Really Excited About Being At The Chanel Fashion Show In Paris | Top |
JLo must've been desperate for photographers to catch her having a touching and completely manufactured moment with her daughter Emme Anthony, because: a) Who in the hell brings a 4-year-old to a boring ass fashion show in Paris? and; b) Who in the hell brings a 4-year-old to a boring ass fashion show where backstage in the darkness lies the Death Eaters' house mother who keeps the mop of wires on his head glistening white by regularly dying it in the pure innocence of a child? JLo is so hard up for a photo-op that she doesn't care if Kunty Karl syphons the youth and innocence out of her daughter. Oh well, I'm sure Emme wasn't too scared of Kunty Karl. I mean, you get used to staring at the malnourished face of a functioning zombie when you spend every other weekend with Skeletor. The front row at the Chanel show in Paris this morning smelled like desperation (from JLo), boredom (from Emme), soiled chonies (from Casper Smart, he still hasn't earned his PtD, potty training degree, yet), freshly polished blue steel (from Karl's 22-year-old human Baptiste Giabiconi) and fish (from Kanye). While Emme tried to keep from completely melting down into an impeccably dressed puddle of BORING, her mom's adopted boy toy Casper Smart tried to not look at the hot piece that is Baptiste Giabiconi, because he didn't want to further embarrass his sugar mami by having a cream pie moment in his panties. And if you're thinking that Suri Cruise and Harper Seven Beckham must be spitting jealousy over this, STOP! Harper Seven Beckham privately viewed this collection in her penthouse suite at The Ritz LAST WEEK. And Suri Cruise already gave this collection to her maid's daughter, because she owned and wore all of it weeks ago! | |
| RuPaul's Drag Race Contestant Sahara Davenport Has Passed Away | Top |
Several queens from RuPaul's Drag Race and judge Michelle Visage all confirmed in several tweets of sadness that season 2 contestant Sahara Davenport (born name: Antoine Ashley) is now up in heaven, covering the eyes of the angels with glitter. Some reports say that Sahara was 27 and some reports say Sahara was 28, and I'm saying that she was too young to be sharing an Absolut cocktail with Jesus in the Interior Illusions lounge in heaven. Queerty says that Antoine Ashley was born, raised and schooled in Texas. Antoine got his BA in dance from Southern Methodist University before moving to NYC where he worked as an actor, dancer and singer. There's no details as to how or when Sahara passed away. Sahara's partner and fellow Drag Racer, Manila Luzon, only wrote: "I love him" on Facebook on Sunday night. And RuPaul tweeted her condolences this morning:
Rest in peace, Sahara Davenport. | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 1st! | Top |
Since Kim has only slept with black and white guys, the other colors get together to rejoice. - OurMissC Runners-up: You don't know which one to blame now, Lindsay. - daisy100 The Benetton brand never really recovered from hiring Richard Simmons as their spokesperson. - HamilcarRules via Poorly Dressed | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
The reason why my arteries cry today: Pizza Hut's Kit Kat Pops! The Middle East has really been bringing it lately. First, they give the world the all-gay couples and single dads Ikea catalog (I am patiently waiting for their all-lesbian couples and single moms Ikea catalog) and now Pizza Huts in the Middle East are pushing out Kit Kats wrapped in pizza dough. Us Americans should be disappointed that our Pizza Hut didn't shit out this diabetes-summoning deliciousness first. To follow up their Cheesburger Crusted Pizza (that looks exactly like Mama June's ovaries), Pizza Hut wrapped pizza dough around a Kit Kat, fried it up and has been selling it since June. HuffPo says that it also comes in a cheese variety too. PFFT! Who wants to fill their mouth with a peen-shaped wad of fried dough stuffed with cheese (Side note: It's too early for dick cheese jokes.) when you can fill your mouth with a pooping Twinkie instead? And it's pretty much confirmed that Pizza Hut has put a wire tap in Jessica Simpson's brain and is recording all her wet dreams. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Tiffany (41) | |
| Taylor Swift Is Not Going To Give A Concert At A School For The Deaf | Top |
When Taylor Swift announced that Papa John's and Chegg were sponsoring a contest on Facebook for any school to win $10,000 for their music department and a performance from her, the fuckery makers at 4Chan and Reddit trolled her hard by voting for The Horace Mann School for the Deaf in Allston, Massachusetts. The Horace Mann School got thousands upon thousands of votes and it was looking like the kids were going to feel their ears tingle and sting as Taylor Swift yodeled out her signature Kennedy mating call in the lunch room. The headmaster of the school said at the time that his students love music and he hopes they win the contest. Well, guess what? They were disqualified! Boston.com says that Taylor, Papa John's and Chegg all decided to take Horace Mann out of the running because of the way the school got their votes. But the Illuminati didn't send Taylor Swift a "welcome to the dark side" gift basket for making deaf children cry, because she donated $10,000 of her own money to The Horace Mann School. Cover Girl, American Greetings and the contest's two sponsors also donated $10,000 each, so the school is getting a total of $50,000. Each student will also get tickets to Taylor's show the next time she performs near their town. The internet's trolling pays off again. Everybody wins. Taylor wins, because she looks like a damn saint. And the kids really win, because their school got $50,000, they don't have to sit through a Taylor Swift show in their cafeteria and they got tickets they can sell on Craigslist. | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
The Trollsens went to lunch with Mary-Kate's French piece Olivier Sarkozy, and they both look like they're saying to themselves, "DAD! Stop trying to be cool by smoking. You're embarrassing us! GAWD!" - Lainey Gossip With the shit Lifetime is putting out, it won't be long before they put out a James Dean biopic starring Justin Bieber - The Superficial New York's triumphant return to TV - Towleroad Chris Crocker bottoms in a porn for the first time and this is where we all scream, "Leave Chris Crocker's butthole alooooooone" - Manhunt Daily Amanda Bynes should hide her face for wearing those fug velcro wedges - Hollywood Tuna Aubrey Ho'Day keeps it demure and subtle as always - Drunken Stepfather The rest of the pictures from Taylor Swift's Glamour spread sponsored by Adobe Photoshop - The Berry Fiona Apple shits on gossiping bitches for saying she looks like a Smeagol grandma on meth - Celebitchy Adele's Bond song sounds like a Bond song by Adele - Just Jared January Jones hates disabled people - ICYDK And while GOOPY Paltrow kissed her husband, she thought about how she would rather be kissing her real love: her wood-burning outdoor pizza oven -Popsugar What in the HELL kind of GD outfit is Christian Serratos wearing? - Popoholic Bar Mitzvah Vogue boy comes back for an encore - OMG Blog Cat Deeley got married - I'm Not Obsssed Thirty Three Three-Legged Dogs! - Cityrag Somewhere off camera, Pimp Mama Kris is screaming, "Do the position you did for Ray J that made you a star! Whore out, Louise!" - Celebslam Halloween came early at the Gaultier show - Hollywood Rag | |
| Speaking Of Scaring Wild Beasts..... | Top |
| From Nishanto the bear scarer to Rosie the gorilla scarer.... On last night's reunion of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the rabid animals from the New Jersey exhibit in the Bravo zoo were all stuffed into the old pageants gowns of Miss Venezuelas past and were forced to go after each other while a confused, scared, wonk-eyed gay squirrel looked on. And DAMN did they go after each other. In the clip above, new-faced Kathy goes after no forehead-having Theresa by calling her father a coward. Theresa returned the slap by bringing up Kathy's late father and that shit awoke the butch beauty beast! Former HSOTD and Kathy's sister Rosie nearly made Theresa's gorillas in the mist hairline jump back a few inches when she started screaming backstage. Rosie threatened to rip Theresa's head off and serve it to Kate Capshaw. Cousin Rosie went OFF like somebody just took the last Home Depot lumber cart that she had her eye on. We won't really know if Cousin Rosie ate Theresa's head off until part two airs next week, but this is all I needed to see. I have never been this sexually turned on IN MY LIFE. Rosie's rant made me a lesbian and now I think I need to spend some alone time in Tokyo's dildo bar. | |
| Open Post: Nishanto The Bear Scarer | Top |
| If you don't want wild bears to come to your backyard, then don't make your backyard look like a beautiful enchanted storybook garden where all creatures come together to sing Disney songs and talk to each other. But if you insist on making your backyard look like a beautiful enchanted storybook garden and a bear comes to visit, do what Nishanto is doing in the video above. Nishanto doesn't play around and screams at him like she's an abuelita and he's screwing with her telenovela watching time. This method also works on other bears too. So if you're a massage therapist and John Travolta's bear hole starts growling at your crotch, you know what to do. via Gawker | |
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