The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Lil Wayne Just Keeps Having Seizures
- Night Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th!
- Meat Loaf Hates America
- Open Post: Hosted By An Anti-Gay Adoption Interpretive Dance
- Rod Stewart Sets The Record Straight On That "Stomach Full Of Man Chowder" Rumor
- Justin Timberlake Is Really Sorry For Laughing At All Those Homeless People
- And Just Like That, I've Got A New Official Job Title
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
David Leisure, the actor who played Charley Dietz the man whore slut of Miami on Empty Nest! Empty Nest was not only a spin-off of the most important television show in the history of television, Golden Girls, but the characters were sort of kind of the same. Dr. Weston was the Dorothy (actually, I'm still not convinced that Dr. Weston wasn't played by Bea Arthur in man drag), Barbara was the Sophia, Carol was the Rose and Charley Dietz was the Blanche (if you sucked all the charisma and tang out of Blanche and replaced it with the ability to annoy every trick in a 100 foot radius). Those who majored in Golden Girls and minored in Empty Nest in college can correct me, but I'm pretty sure Charley Dietz worked as a pilot (but Wiki says he worked on a cruise ship) and he put more miles on his peen than he did on the planes he flew (or the ships he cruised on). Charley's job was to be the town man whore and to regularly annoy the pubes off of Dr. Weston's daughters Carol and Barbara. Charley was scuzzier than dick cheese and more irritating than a cold sore on your anus, but my love for sluts is unconditional, so he was always my second (next to Laverne) favorite character. David Leisure also used his gift of annoying the shit out of people to sell Isuzus. I HATED Joe Isuzu. To this day, I refuse to give a handy in an Isuzu* because of Joe Isuzu. * That's a lie. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Scott Weiland (45) | |
| Lil Wayne Just Keeps Having Seizures | Top |
Lil Wayne was on a flight from somewhere to somewhere last night when he had a seizure and the pilot had to make an emergency landing in Texas. Lil Wayne's rep said that was suffering from extreme migraines and dehydration. Yeah, migraine and dehydration. That's what his rep is going with. Anypullmydickharderwhydontyou, then today, Wayne got back on a plane headed to LAX and his body decided to not cooperate again. Wayne had an encore seizure while on the flight to LAX and the flight had to land in Louisiana. TMZ says that when they landed in Louisiana, Wayne was taken to a hospital in Kenner and was treated there for a good minute before he was released. Wayne's rep denies that he had a second seizure and says he's been resting at home with a migraine. But TMZ isn't backing down and they are sticking with their story that Wayne made two trips to seizure-ville in 24 hours. I'm not even going to speculate about what's causing Wayne's body to freak out. It could be one Purple Drank too many. It could be some condition none of us know about. It could be because his mega sperm hasn't fertilized an egg in the past 48 hours and it tried to jump out of his body. ("But I thought you weren't going to speculate." - you "Stop narc-ing on me, shit!" - me) I don't know what it is, but Wayne should probably stay off a plane, lay down face up and make one of his assistants pour an entire Sparkletts water jug into his mouth. Oh, and he should also get a pussy massager to work on his temples: | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
How can Adrien Brody's piece resist the urge to suck on his hung nose when he puts his face so close to hers like that? - Lainey Gossip Not pictured: Men throwing themselves at CoCo's feet and women throwing up their hands because they have given up on everything after seeing such exquisite beauty - Hollywood Tuna California GOOPIN' - The Superficial Meryl Streep is not having Julia Roberts' diva bitch ways - Celebitchy Cheryl Tweedy has a calendar - Drunken Stepfather This week in unnecessary censorship (Side note: I watched that Survivor episode and kept waiting for dude to start making out with other dude's butt) - Towleroad Bobbi Kristina is doing well.... :/ - Gawker That gutter ass wig makes Brit Brit look a little Connie Britton-ish in the face - Buzzfeed It's been much too long since we've seen Renee Zellweger's puckery lemon face - ICYDK Jared Leto is like the Cristo Redentor of L.A. - The Berry Minka Kelly's nipples are staring at me - Popoholic I wonder if Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry had an intense conversation about John Mayer's David Duke dick - Popsugar That picture of Ross William Wild's ass is confusing me. Is that a glass ceiling he's lying on or are mirrors involved? It's trickery! - OMG Blog Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson look like 4th graders during an earthquake drill - Just Jared Shocking, dumb bitch is a dumb bitch - Crunk + Disorderly Mischa Barton lives - I'm Not Obsessed Ryan Gaycrest must pay Julianne Hough well - Hollywood Rag | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th! | Top |
via Izismile | |
| Meat Loaf Hates America | Top |
| That is the only reasonable explanation I could come up with for why Meat Loaf caught, beat, skinned, cooked, ate, threw up, ate again, shat out and stomped on the song "America the Beautiful" at a Mitt Romney campaign event yesterday. John Rich, Big Kenny and Randy Owens all came out and sang normal, but then Meat Loaf opened his mouth and out came a flaming bag of drunk squirrels. The bat went back to Hell after listening to this mess. Meat Loaf broke it down like an evangelical preacher trying to scream the demon out of you. I kept waiting for Meat Loaf to put his palm against Romney's forehead. I rebuke this shit. And can we just get to the part where Meat Loaf apologizes and checks into a treatment center for "exhaustion." First, Meat Loaf goes wild on America's sweetheart Gary Busey and then he kills "America the Beautiful." There's a chair in a mental hospital admitting office that's waiting for Meat Loaf. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By An Anti-Gay Adoption Interpretive Dance | Top |
| "Grace" and "subtle elegance" aren't words I'd normally use to describe a bunch of crazy Catholic fundamentalists protesting against gay adoption in Le Mans, France on Tuesday morning, but that's exactly what they gave us. Now we really know who did the dancing for Natalie Portman in Black Swan. It was Mo Rocca's homophobic French twin and here he is using the beautiful power of dance to protest against people saner than him giving children a home. While wearing one of the Pope's old disco catsuits, the protester dances like an exquisite silver falcon who was just ran over by a truck, dragged 50 feet and then picked at by a family of wolves. The dance is supposed to signify that only a heterosexual mother and a heterosexual father can make a grown man in a Spandex bodysuit spread his paper wings and pretend to fly with the help of their weird chanting. Or something like that. This is supposed to be a protest against gayness, but this is really an advertisement FOR gayness. It's the gayest thing to land on my eyeballs in a while and I've looked in the mirror twice today, so that's saying a lot. It's perfect. It's beautiful. When dude starts twirling around in that silver bodysuit, millions of flecks of glittery gayness explodes into the universe. At that very moment, the phones of hundreds of gay couples rang and after they answered, they heard the words, "Your adoption application is approved!" This is a "Make It Rain Babies on Gay Couples" dance. I mean, if there was a gay stork, that's what he would look like. And the only thing that would make this better is if after they start clapping at the very beginning, they bust into "Car Wash." Dude IS wearing the perfect outfit for it. (Thanks, Anne) | |
| Rod Stewart Sets The Record Straight On That "Stomach Full Of Man Chowder" Rumor | Top |
Since almost the beginning of time, an embarrassing rumor has followed Rod Stewart around like a bunch of beaver babies followed that thing on his head around, because they mistook it for their mommy. The rumor goes that sometime in the 1970s, Rod Stewart went to a gay bar in San Diego, met a bunch of sailors, sucked them all off and swallowed so much seamen semen that he had to get his stomach pumped at the emergency room. The rumor is embarrassing, because what kind of lightweight, weak, sad excuse for a peen sucker can't handle their jizz? This might be the only time in history when Parasite Hilton and I are shaking our heads in disgust at the same time. But Rod Stewart says that if rumors had stomachs, that rumor would have a stomach full of lies. Esteemed journalist Katie Couric had Rod Stewart on her show and asked him extremely important questions like if it's true paramedics once put their hands on his stomach and started pumping until a cum geyser shot out of his mouth. Rod denied it:
More like he's heterosexual until they come and then he's a ravenous cum slut. I refuse to believe Rod Stewart. What is he going to tell me next? That Jordan from New Kids never got his stomach pumped either or that Richard Gere doesn't have an entire gerbil farm up in his guts? Rod Stewart is only lying, because he's too ashamed to admit that he couldn't handle being the pass around mouth of the marines. I'd lie too. via Queerty | |
| Justin Timberlake Is Really Sorry For Laughing At All Those Homeless People | Top |
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Timberlake (she took his last name since Shakira's baby took her last name) are on their honeymoon right now, but he took a little time away from snorkeling all up in her ass to release a bunch of "I'm Sowwy" balloons for that video his douche hole of a friend made as a gift. Justin's friend Justin Huchel made a video of homeless people, crackheads and street people apologizing to Justin and Jessica for not being able to make it to their $6.5 million pre-divorce ceremony in Italy. Justin posted an open letter on his website (via THR) where he says that the video didn't play at his wedding, he had nothing to do with it and he thinks it's as tacky as you think it is. Justin would never EVER make fun of those less fortunate than him. Justin's heart is full of love for those less fortunate and he constantly does what he can to help them. I mean, Justin did marry Jessica Biel and that sort of counts as granting a Make-A-Wish wish. Right? If you really want to read a lot of words and kilt jokes written by Justin and his team of publicists, get it after the cut. GO! | |
| And Just Like That, I've Got A New Official Job Title | Top |
For always being wasted from inhaling the toxic fumes that waft off of the red lacquer slathered on her lips, Xtina really does have a clear mind that produces potent dingles of truth. The Hollywood Reporter (via ONTD) hosted a Q& A with Xtina in Los Angeles yesterday and she had a few things to say about bloggers, Simon Cowell and about being a cold hard bitch in show business. You know, I never knew what to write next to occupation on forms ("Dumb Slut" and "Purveyor of Faggotry" don't fully explain all the layers of my job), but now I do thanks to the always eloquent Xtina.
FINALLY, when I'm at a party, sitting in the corner by myself, petting the cat and someone comes to talk to me, I have something to say when they ask me what I do. I'll proudly say, "I'm a buttfuck person and I write hate shit all day." Now I just have to get on unionizing us buttfuck people. I even love that Xtina is saying "buttfuck people" like it's a bad thing and that she really wants us to believe that she hasn't let her piece's peen enter the city limits of her Buttfuckville. I do have a new appreciation for Xtina, though. I like how Xtina can sit there, talking shit about us buttfuck people while her weave is having a heavy flow day. Bitch, get your weave a tampon. If the whole "spinning on a chair" thing doesn't work out for Xtina, she should join us buttfuck people, because clearly she's one of us. | |
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