The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Papa Joe's (Alleged) Sugar Baby Is (Allegedly) A Fame Whoring Twink
- Hot Slut Of The Day!
- Birthday Sluts
- Lil Wayne Just Keeps Having Seizures
- Night Crumbs
- The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th!
- Meat Loaf Hates America
- Open Post: Hosted By An Anti-Gay Adoption Interpretive Dance
- Rod Stewart Sets The Record Straight On That "Stomach Full Of Man Chowder" Rumor
- Justin Timberlake Is Really Sorry For Laughing At All Those Homeless People
| Papa Joe's (Alleged) Sugar Baby Is (Allegedly) A Fame Whoring Twink | Top |
If Radar and The National Enquirer are both spreading the truth, then Papa Joe Simpson really does like to squeeze and lick the cream out of a Twinkie. The National Enquirer turned the knob and opened up Papa Joe's closet door earlier this week when they said that his marriage turned to butt dust when he told his family that he loves the dick. The Enquirer's source said that Papa Joe was slapping nuts with a 20-something boy toy and Radar thinks they know who it is. Radar says that 21-year-old "aspiring model" Bryce Chandler Hill has been bragging to the gays in West Hollywood that he's climbing his way up the fame ladder by climbing on top of Papa Joe's good Christian dick. ONTD might've found some proof in this little flirty exchange on Twitter been BC and PJ last July. I don't know if it's because of that outfit or that flirty tweet from Papa Joe, but my b-hole just twitched itself into a temporary coma. Radar's source says that Bryce met 54-year-old Papa Joe through TJ Espinoza, a back-up dancer and one of Jessica and Ashlee's friends. Even though Papa Joe was lounging in the back of the closet with the lights turned off, Bryce was still blabbing about how he was boning and using Papa Joe to get ahead. None of Bryce's friends believed him until this week. The source put it like this:
Bryce said on Twitter that this story is made of lies. I should've known that Papa Joe's type would be a tanning bed-cooked twink who has side swept bangs just so he can fill the air with gold glitter when he flips his hair like a Breck Girl while dancing shirtless to a Robyn song in the middle of a WeHo gay club. The kind of twink who sprays Victoria's Secret passion fruit body mist on his bleached butt flower. That would be Papa Joe's type. But you know, I feel sorry for Papa Joe. I don't feel sorry for Papa Joe because he's getting played by a spotlight-fucking, gold digging piece of tampon lint. I feel sorry for Papa Joe because he's obviously trying to twinkify himself. Have you seen those tragic pictures at TMZ? Dude looks like Gary Busey as Ellen DeGeneres. Papa Joe needs the right gays around him. Papa Joe needs someone to tell him that wearing that sweater is only okay if you're a Wakefield twin and that hair just made Ken Paves stroke his favorite shears and promise them that he'd never ever make them commit a hair massacre like that. Papa Joe's hair is a level 10 tragedy. And that white iPhone? No words. A mid-life crisis should not involve peroxide. It just shouldn't. | |
| Hot Slut Of The Day! | Top |
David Leisure, the actor who played Charley Dietz the man whore slut of Miami on Empty Nest! Empty Nest was not only a spin-off of the most important television show in the history of television, Golden Girls, but the characters were sort of kind of the same. Dr. Weston was the Dorothy (actually, I'm still not convinced that Dr. Weston wasn't played by Bea Arthur in man drag), Barbara was the Sophia, Carol was the Rose and Charley Dietz was the Blanche (if you sucked all the charisma and tang out of Blanche and replaced it with the ability to annoy every trick in a 100 foot radius). Those who majored in Golden Girls and minored in Empty Nest in college can correct me, but I'm pretty sure Charley Dietz worked as a pilot (but Wiki says he worked on a cruise ship) and he put more miles on his peen than he did on the planes he flew (or the ships he cruised on). Charley's job was to be the town man whore and to regularly annoy the pubes off of Dr. Weston's daughters Carol and Barbara. Charley was scuzzier than dick cheese and more irritating than a cold sore on your anus, but my love for sluts is unconditional, so he was always my second (next to Laverne) favorite character. David Leisure also used his gift of annoying the shit out of people to sell Isuzus. I HATED Joe Isuzu. To this day, I refuse to give a handy in an Isuzu* because of Joe Isuzu. * That's a lie. | |
| Birthday Sluts | Top |
Scott Weiland (45) | |
| Lil Wayne Just Keeps Having Seizures | Top |
Lil Wayne was on a flight from somewhere to somewhere last night when he had a seizure and the pilot had to make an emergency landing in Texas. Lil Wayne's rep said that was suffering from extreme migraines and dehydration. Yeah, migraine and dehydration. That's what his rep is going with. Anypullmydickharderwhydontyou, then today, Wayne got back on a plane headed to LAX and his body decided to not cooperate again. Wayne had an encore seizure while on the flight to LAX and the flight had to land in Louisiana. TMZ says that when they landed in Louisiana, Wayne was taken to a hospital in Kenner and was treated there for a good minute before he was released. Wayne's rep denies that he had a second seizure and says he's been resting at home with a migraine. But TMZ isn't backing down and they are sticking with their story that Wayne made two trips to seizure-ville in 24 hours. I'm not even going to speculate about what's causing Wayne's body to freak out. It could be one Purple Drank too many. It could be some condition none of us know about. It could be because his mega sperm hasn't fertilized an egg in the past 48 hours and it tried to jump out of his body. ("But I thought you weren't going to speculate." - you "Stop narc-ing on me, shit!" - me) I don't know what it is, but Wayne should probably stay off a plane, lay down face up and make one of his assistants pour an entire Sparkletts water jug into his mouth. Oh, and he should also get a pussy massager to work on his temples: | |
| Night Crumbs | Top |
How can Adrien Brody's piece resist the urge to suck on his hung nose when he puts his face so close to hers like that? - Lainey Gossip Not pictured: Men throwing themselves at CoCo's feet and women throwing up their hands because they have given up on everything after seeing such exquisite beauty - Hollywood Tuna California GOOPIN' - The Superficial Meryl Streep is not having Julia Roberts' diva bitch ways - Celebitchy Cheryl Tweedy has a calendar - Drunken Stepfather This week in unnecessary censorship (Side note: I watched that Survivor episode and kept waiting for dude to start making out with other dude's butt) - Towleroad Bobbi Kristina is doing well.... :/ - Gawker That gutter ass wig makes Brit Brit look a little Connie Britton-ish in the face - Buzzfeed It's been much too long since we've seen Renee Zellweger's puckery lemon face - ICYDK Jared Leto is like the Cristo Redentor of L.A. - The Berry Minka Kelly's nipples are staring at me - Popoholic I wonder if Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry had an intense conversation about John Mayer's David Duke dick - Popsugar That picture of Ross William Wild's ass is confusing me. Is that a glass ceiling he's lying on or are mirrors involved? It's trickery! - OMG Blog Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson look like 4th graders during an earthquake drill - Just Jared Shocking, dumb bitch is a dumb bitch - Crunk + Disorderly Mischa Barton lives - I'm Not Obsessed Ryan Gaycrest must pay Julianne Hough well - Hollywood Rag | |
| The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 26th! | Top |
via Izismile | |
| Meat Loaf Hates America | Top |
| That is the only reasonable explanation I could come up with for why Meat Loaf caught, beat, skinned, cooked, ate, threw up, ate again, shat out and stomped on the song "America the Beautiful" at a Mitt Romney campaign event yesterday. John Rich, Big Kenny and Randy Owens all came out and sang normal, but then Meat Loaf opened his mouth and out came a flaming bag of drunk squirrels. The bat went back to Hell after listening to this mess. Meat Loaf broke it down like an evangelical preacher trying to scream the demon out of you. I kept waiting for Meat Loaf to put his palm against Romney's forehead. I rebuke this shit. And can we just get to the part where Meat Loaf apologizes and checks into a treatment center for "exhaustion." First, Meat Loaf goes wild on America's sweetheart Gary Busey and then he kills "America the Beautiful." There's a chair in a mental hospital admitting office that's waiting for Meat Loaf. | |
| Open Post: Hosted By An Anti-Gay Adoption Interpretive Dance | Top |
| "Grace" and "subtle elegance" aren't words I'd normally use to describe a bunch of crazy Catholic fundamentalists protesting against gay adoption in Le Mans, France on Tuesday morning, but that's exactly what they gave us. Now we really know who did the dancing for Natalie Portman in Black Swan. It was Mo Rocca's homophobic French twin and here he is using the beautiful power of dance to protest against people saner than him giving children a home. While wearing one of the Pope's old disco catsuits, the protester dances like an exquisite silver falcon who was just ran over by a truck, dragged 50 feet and then picked at by a family of wolves. The dance is supposed to signify that only a heterosexual mother and a heterosexual father can make a grown man in a Spandex bodysuit spread his paper wings and pretend to fly with the help of their weird chanting. Or something like that. This is supposed to be a protest against gayness, but this is really an advertisement FOR gayness. It's the gayest thing to land on my eyeballs in a while and I've looked in the mirror twice today, so that's saying a lot. It's perfect. It's beautiful. When dude starts twirling around in that silver bodysuit, millions of flecks of glittery gayness explodes into the universe. At that very moment, the phones of hundreds of gay couples rang and after they answered, they heard the words, "Your adoption application is approved!" This is a "Make It Rain Babies on Gay Couples" dance. I mean, if there was a gay stork, that's what he would look like. And the only thing that would make this better is if after they start clapping at the very beginning, they bust into "Car Wash." Dude IS wearing the perfect outfit for it. (Thanks, Anne) | |
| Rod Stewart Sets The Record Straight On That "Stomach Full Of Man Chowder" Rumor | Top |
Since almost the beginning of time, an embarrassing rumor has followed Rod Stewart around like a bunch of beaver babies followed that thing on his head around, because they mistook it for their mommy. The rumor goes that sometime in the 1970s, Rod Stewart went to a gay bar in San Diego, met a bunch of sailors, sucked them all off and swallowed so much seamen semen that he had to get his stomach pumped at the emergency room. The rumor is embarrassing, because what kind of lightweight, weak, sad excuse for a peen sucker can't handle their jizz? This might be the only time in history when Parasite Hilton and I are shaking our heads in disgust at the same time. But Rod Stewart says that if rumors had stomachs, that rumor would have a stomach full of lies. Esteemed journalist Katie Couric had Rod Stewart on her show and asked him extremely important questions like if it's true paramedics once put their hands on his stomach and started pumping until a cum geyser shot out of his mouth. Rod denied it:
More like he's heterosexual until they come and then he's a ravenous cum slut. I refuse to believe Rod Stewart. What is he going to tell me next? That Jordan from New Kids never got his stomach pumped either or that Richard Gere doesn't have an entire gerbil farm up in his guts? Rod Stewart is only lying, because he's too ashamed to admit that he couldn't handle being the pass around mouth of the marines. I'd lie too. via Queerty | |
| Justin Timberlake Is Really Sorry For Laughing At All Those Homeless People | Top |
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Timberlake (she took his last name since Shakira's baby took her last name) are on their honeymoon right now, but he took a little time away from snorkeling all up in her ass to release a bunch of "I'm Sowwy" balloons for that video his douche hole of a friend made as a gift. Justin's friend Justin Huchel made a video of homeless people, crackheads and street people apologizing to Justin and Jessica for not being able to make it to their $6.5 million pre-divorce ceremony in Italy. Justin posted an open letter on his website (via THR) where he says that the video didn't play at his wedding, he had nothing to do with it and he thinks it's as tacky as you think it is. Justin would never EVER make fun of those less fortunate than him. Justin's heart is full of love for those less fortunate and he constantly does what he can to help them. I mean, Justin did marry Jessica Biel and that sort of counts as granting a Make-A-Wish wish. Right? If you really want to read a lot of words and kilt jokes written by Justin and his team of publicists, get it after the cut. GO! | |
CREATE MORE ALERTS:
Auctions - Find out when new auctions are posted
Horoscopes - Receive your daily horoscope
Music - Get the newest Album Releases, Playlists and more
News - Only the news you want, delivered!
Stocks - Stay connected to the market with price quotes and more
Weather - Get today's weather conditions
| You received this email because you subscribed to Yahoo! Alerts. Use this link to unsubscribe from this alert. To change your communications preferences for other Yahoo! business lines, please visit your Marketing Preferences. To learn more about Yahoo!'s use of personal information, including the use of web beacons in HTML-based email, please read our Privacy Policy. Yahoo! is located at 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089. |
No comments:
Post a Comment