The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid
- Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises!
- Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
- Hot Slut Of The Week: Danielle From The Real Housewives Of NJ
| Time For Your Daily Eyeball Exercises! | Top |
| Have your eyeballs been feeling a little out of shape and flabby? Do they have love handles? Do their tummies jiggle when they walk? Well, you're in luck, because here's a little article that will get them rolling. Feminist Naomi Wolf wrote a piece for Harper's Bazaar about how Saint Angelina Jolie is the greatest thing since self-lubricating dildos. Slip on your sweat band, it's time for eyeball calisthenics again! The piece is titled: " Why Women Want Angelina Jolie's Life" Angie is the most gorgeous woman on the planet: " Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her." Angie is more than just a gorgeous face: " There's something more than a simply physical response. Her persona hits an unprecedented level of global resonance — and makes women want to be with her and be her at the same time — because she has created a life narrative that is not just personal. Rather, it is archetypal. And the archetype is one that really, for the first time in modern culture, brings together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation. " Angie can get away with being sexy and a symbol of goodness: "The magic of Jolie's self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it . Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill. When the megascandal took place — Jolie's alleged seduction of a married man, Brad Pitt, on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith — it could have been the end of Jolie as a role model. But she managed the almost unheard-of task of turning the home-wrecker label into a wholesome, family-friendly triumph." Angie knows how to fly a plane : "Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son." Angie is a lover : " Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie's evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may ." Final barfness : " So she becomes what psychoanalysts call an 'ego ideal' for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation ." You can read the entire article (yes, there's more) at Harper's Bazaar. I'm going to warn you that your eyeballs may fall off and roll away. Seriously, it felt like I was reading someone's diary. I bet Naomi sleeps next to a jar full of Angie's hair which she got on eBay. But I feel the same way about Shauna Sand . Just substitute the name " Angelina Jolie" for "Shauna Sand" and this entire essay would make sense. And just for the record, as a strictly dickly bitch, I can say that Angelina Jolie is not the chick I'd go lesbian for. Her vagina would probably cast a spell on more or take a chunk out of my taint. No gracias. VIA People | |
| Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess | Top |
| Which aging actress has stayed away from the spotlight of late because she tried to inject her own lips with vegetable oil during a drunken night? ( Blind Gossip ) Not Lisa Rinna, because she's been humping the spotlight lately. Herm. Maybe Meg Ryan ? Melanie Griffith ? Or Lara Flynn Boyle ? Which sexy leading man, known for his wandering eye, recently hooked up with a pouty songstress? The raven-haired rocker is a big change from his usual choice of supermodels. ( Page Six ) I am probably so wrong in every way, but I immediately thought of Leonardo DiCaprio and Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs . Which actor is on hiatus due to a drug relapse? He claimed he needed time off because of the heartbreak of his public split, but he's actually headed to rehab. ( Page Six ) Sean Penn ? Which switch-hitting superstar ran into a bit of trouble recently when he tried out a Mrs. Doubtfire-style balancing act with a brother and sister team? One of the siblings caught wind of the situation and told the other and they both walked. ( NW Magazine via Blind Gossip ) Brain hurts from this one. This bitch was cross dressing? Tommy Girl ? He does have a history of playing dress up . My other guesses are Hugh Jackman or Will Smith ? This intense B list movie and sometime television actor takes parenting very seriously. He knows the reputation of bars and clubs in Hollywood to serve underage celebrities. So, to make sure his B list actress daughter doesn't drink he calls ahead to wherever she is going and makes sure they know they will be in for a world of hurt if they serve her booze. ( CDAN ) Bruce Willis and Tater Head ? Or Eric and Emma Roberts ? | |
| Hot Slut Of The Week: Danielle From The Real Housewives Of NJ | Top |
| Birthday : 1963ish Age : 46ish Birth Name : Danielle Staub, Beverly Merrill, Danielle Merrill, Steven Tyler, who knows? Original Date of HS of the Day : June 3, 2009 Claim to Fame : The breakout star (sorry to Teresa's creeping hairline) of The Real Mobwives and Ex-Cokewhores of New Jersey . Where is she now ? Probably giving her daily blowjob to her 26-year-old boyfriend who has the head of a 50-year-old. Now that's some BENJAMIN BUTTON'S shit. Why is she HS of the Week ? Because everyone (men, women, children, animals) can relate to Danielle. We've all been accused of being coke whores at one time or another. Also, Danielle continues to be an elegant woman of mystery. Think of all the things that her exquisite eyebrows have seen and experienced. The secrets they hold! | |
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