Monday, June 15, 2009

Y! Alert: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

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The latest from Dlisted - Be Very Afraid


Why Didn't This Ever Happen When I Was In School? Top
On May 29th, PS17 in Brooklyn gathered a group of kiddies in the school auditorium to watch Disney's Camp Rock starring Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers . Instead of Camp Rock, they got 45 seconds of hardcore porn. No, it wasn't called CAMP COCK: What Purity Ring? . The New York Post says that kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders got an eye-full of a topless chick doing nasty sex acts on the jumbo screen. It played for 45-seconds before one of the teachers pulled the DVD player's plug out of the wall. Other teachers screamed to the kiddies to cover their eyes! That night, the principal sent a letter to the parents promising them that the evil doer responsible for subjecting their kids to hardcore porn would be caught! The DVD player is usually kept locked in his office, but it was later moved to a different office where anybody could've switched the DVD. The teacher who set up the DVD player in the auditorium didn't realize what was going on, because they walked away to get the disc for Camp Rock . One parent, who might be a Catholic pilgrim virgin, is so disgusted, because she doesn't even kiss in front of her 6-year-old daughter! The parent said, " She doesn't need to see that! I don't even like to kiss in front of her because I think she's too young. So I'm very angry ." I can see her being angry about her kid seeing porn, but doesn't she realize that one of the Jonas Brothers kisses Demi Lovato on the cheek in Camp Rock . Not that I've seen it or anything..... To be honest, 45-seconds of porn is less disturbing than 90 minutes of the Jonas Brothers. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the director's cut of Camp Rock. Disney is the House of Whores, so maybe they are just being more honest about it nowadays.
 
Kelis Is Out Of "Milkshake" Money Top
Kelis is broke, or at least she's pretending that her checking account is on life support. TMZ reports that Kelis has been forced to put her change cup in front of Nas' face and is begging him to pay for everything! Kelis' lawyer filed papers claiming that her estranged husband isn't paying for dick even though he has more money than Quween on the Scene . Kelis wants spousal support, child support, 50% of medical expenses, $20,000 for supplies for their unborn baby and another $3,500 for a baby nurse. Kelis says that while married to Nas, she became used to bathing in diamonds and wiping her ass with $100 bills. She writes, " There were many expensive pieces [of jewelry] such as a princess-cut diamond tennis bracelet that was recently appraised for $190,000. My engagement ring is an approximately nine-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire. I have numerous watches...such as Cartier, Rolex, Frank Muller and Chopard. " Kelis went on to moan, " My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid. " It sounds like it's time for Kelis to take her milkshake to the local pawn shop and sell some shit! Actually, I don't mean that. I'd be just like Kelis. I'd empty all my checking accounts, stuff the money in shoe boxes hidden under my bed and then claim that I'm poor so that my ex could pay up. If that didn't work, you'd see me in line at the WIC office with a baby in one arm and my other arm covered in diamonds. Bitch is doing everything she can to keep from going to the place where all celebwhores run to for a quick check: Dancing with the Has-Beens.
 

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